I have hidden presents in cupboards.
Under blankets way up high.
I have hidden presents in boxes.
Under beds and in wardrobes.
In boxes, under tarps, in the garage and the shed.
And every single time one of my devil spawn would find them.
I got to the point where I was hiding gifts in my parents garage. Driving to their house way after midnight to collect them cause the damn evil children would not go to sleep, meaning no spiked eggnog till waaaaaaay after 3am.
And then I thought, fuck this shit and hid them in plain sight.
And the kids never ever found them.
My cupboards were dishevelled.
Under the bed was cleaned of dust bunnies from bodies scooting under there on the hunt.
Mysterious trips to the shed increased in the days leading up to Christmas and they would always return, surprisingly, empty handed.
But that big box in the middle of my bedroom with ‘DONATE’ written on the side. Untouched.
The laundry basket sitting on top of that huge Guitar Hero set sized boxed. Unmoved.
That computer sized box WRAPPED LIKE A PRESENT as part of my Christmas display. Ignored.
Those boxes of ‘tomatoes’ and ‘beans’ and ‘food processor parts’ in the pantry. Pushed aside to gain access to the Easy Mac.
Plain sight, people.
Stupid children will never suspect a thing.
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