Right now, as I type this, my Daddy is having surgery on his eye.
He had to wait for this surgery, to remove cataracts, until he had the multiple stents implanted a few weeks ago.
You know, so he wouldn’t have a heart attack while they were sticking shit in his eye. That would be rather inconvenient.
Thing is, my Daddy is legally blind.
One eye rolls around his head like Mad Eye Moody when he is tired, still connected to blood vessels and healthy, but the ocular nerve crushed by one too many surgeries on the motherfucking ratfucksonofabitch pituitary tumour that kept regrowing.
The other eye, only 10% vision.
He masks it well. Unbelievably well. Even we forget he can’t see, and to be honest behind those rose coloured glasses he wears it is hard to tell which eye is which unless you look really hard.
Or the broken one is rolled back like Reagan in the Exorcist. Which is rather disturbing.
And makes me crave soup.
So today he is getting the cataracts removed from his good eye.
Which happens to thousands of people every day.
But the difference here is he only HAS one eye.
And he will have NO VISION AT ALL for 24 hours.
And that makes me lose my breath.
Just the thought terrifies me.
Nothing at all.
Knowing it is light and not being able to see.
I have vague recollections of my strokes and not being able to see and I wonder if that exacerbates the completely fucking freaked out can’t breathe sweaty palms feeling I am having imagining what my Dad is about to encounter.
Watching the needle go into his eye.
Watching the laser.
I can’t even.
He is surprisingly calm, rather meh about it all cause he is AWESOME and has kicked cancers arse in multiple arenas and was all IS THAT ALL YA GOT MOFO?!
But obviously without all the swears.
He is a fucking ROCKSTAR.
I would need a general anaesthetic until my sight returned and then a margarita drip to get over the trauma of how horrible it would have been if I was awake.
Does the thought of losing your sight freak you the fuck out? Even if it is only for a day?