All over the internet women are showing pictures of themselves half naked and declaring their love for their bodies.
Their breasts, calves, eyes… something about their body that they love.
It is all very loving and fucking awesome and oh so very PC.
Well, you know what, I don’t heart my body at all.
I am downright motherfucking pissed off at it.
Yes, this body gave me 3 beautiful children. But it killed off more than I care to remember and if it wasn’t for the marvels of modern medicine and a complete swap over of my entire blood supply, MPS would have been a single dad with one kid.
Or married to a supermodel.
Betcha you are regretting signing that consent form now Buddy.
My body has a propensity to break down at the most inconvenient moments. Like just before Christmas as Boo lost all of his disability funding and I was preparing for a throw down bitch fight with the education department AND my workplace, my back broke and my ovaries exploded.
And my mind snapped.
Fuck you body.
When I landed a job that I thoroughly enjoyed and challenged me. BAM! my shoulder was all HELLZ TO THE NO and a blood clot popped in my brain rendering me incapable of learning new things without a diagram and a months head start.
Fuck you body.
And lets not get started with the STELLAR fucking timing of my Achilles bitching or my appendix/ovary explosion/belly full of blood or second brain fart that took my depth perception. Cause I could go on for days…
My body fails me.
At every turn.
And now I am left with daily medications, 20 kilos of excess blubber, some pretty damn impressive mutton chops, constant pain and a broken brain.
So while everyone is having a superficial love fest with their breasts and lips and that dimple above their arse I will be over here cursing my body for being a fucking arsehole and not living up to the expectations I had for it.
But apparently I have nice feet. When they are not confined to a RoboBoot.
Go suck a dick, body.Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by: