My Future Husband, Adam Hills, tells a joke at the end of his show about an inflatable boy who takes a pin to his inflatable school.
The punch line is ‘You’ve let me down, you’ve let yourself down, you’ve let the whole school down’
And that is how I am feeling today.
Like an inflatable boy brandishing a pin, letting everyone down.
Today I was supposed to go catch a train into the city and meet some of my wonderful peeps for lunch and then more for dinner and then even more of my biatches in the morning for a latte after staying the night at one of my awesome bloggy friends houses.
You know, with their FAMILY and shit.
But I couldn’t.
I was ready. I was willing. I was damn fucking excited.
Seeing my girls that I only get to hang out with in person once or twice a year.
And then the thought of the train ride.
And negotiating Flinders St Station with a bunged up brain, a RoboBoot and no depth perception.
And being with people, albeit fucking AWESOME people, all the time.
And not knowing the plan. Having to go with the flow with no where to hide.
And leaving my house.
Sure, I KNOW my girls would give me space and help me negotiate the fuckers at the train station and work around my crazy but just the thought of ASKING seizes me up with fear. Just sending the text message – the cop out cowards way of communicating a no show – had me paralysed on the couch for most of the day.
And then my brain kicks in with reminders of everything that I have to do, and can I really AFFORD to be gone for essentially 2 days? What about everything that has to be done? And the house inspection? And the waste of money cause you know you can’t stop at one margarita…
And look how fat you are…
Where is the Kelley of old?
The kinda shy and introverted but hide that with LOUD and NOISE and HUGS FOR EVERYONE!
The suck it up and do it you motherfucking Princess Kelley?
She has disappeared and her replacement is poking pins in everything and just ruining it for everyone.
I know that my friends will have just as much fun without the brain farting, panic stricken, hobbling sorry sack of whine that I have become but that is not the point.
The point is I said I would and I am not.
I am kind of relieved.
And I hate myself for it.