If all else fails eat a TimTam - or in most cases a packet.
It’s my motto in life, and it works.
I am, right now, finishing off a packet of TimTams.
I’m also trying to hold off stabbing myself in the eye with a fork. Or ‘accidently’ chopping off the tips of my fingers with my rotary cutter to avoid the night ahead of me…
It’s Book Week here in the great vast state of New South Wales. A week where parents everywhere are hounded every freakin day to buy a book off their kids “wish list”.
I prepared myself to break it to the kids early on that there would be no books bought this year. That all went well. I bribed them with swimming lessons instead. I thought I had the whole costume bit sorted out too. The smallest Ogre Boy would go as a Pirate, and the smallest Ogre Girl would go as a Princess or Mermaid. We had them costumes already…
Yeah nar. I was too cocky and have been hit with the smallest Ogre Girl changing her mind, and wanting to go as Alice in Wonderland. Or Miss Honey out of Matilda. But Alice in Wonderland first. I’ve said lots of words like shit crap fuck this week. More than once, but less than a hundred times. But I could possibly have come close.
So I did what all good Mums do that can’t find a freakin blue dress anywhere in any shop… I googled how to make one.
Even though I haven’t made one piece of clothing in my life. Ever.
I have committed myself to making this fucking dress. I don’t know who I am kidding. Seriously what the fuck was I thinking when I said I could do this?
Clearly not how stabbing myself in the eye with a fork or chopping my fingers off with a rotary cutter would be a better alternative.
To top it off, the parade is tomorrow. I figured with a whole day of nothing on, apart from afternoon swimming lessons, I could get this shit done. I would be the most awesome Mother in the world, and the Ogre kids would be as happy as fly’s on shit.
No, wrong. Should have known. The day has been taken up by everything but starting on the fucking dress.
So while you are snoozing in the great land of nu-nu tonight, I will be using more words like shit crap fuck - but with more character - while I put on my I’ve got this shit sorted boots and make my little Ogre Girl look like Alice in fucking Wonderland.
And she will look like Alice, even if I have to end up taping the material to her!
And I will be the most awesome Mother on this freakin planet.
Miss Cinders blogs at Saturday Morning Ogre Mum. She’s Mum to five feral kids, owner of M the Cat – aka: the cat on crack . Who believes ice-cream is a girls best friend. Pyjama’s should be accepted as day wear. Laughter is the best medicine. And if all else fails, eat a TimTam. Creator of the Lose Your Shit Friday meme
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Book Week just about killed me this time, and I’ve only got one child. I utilised an umbrella, a thrifted t-shirt, some bunny ears, craft foam, a felt tip pen and far more hot glue than was strictly necessary, not to mention the wonderful services of my alterationist / tailor who actually sewed my pinned together costume and turned it into a proper costume.
I may have also had a big sob and a few Mackintosh’s Toffees to get through the pain.
I’d be perfectly happy with decorated masks that they make in class. Isn’t that the whole point of school?!
I offered to pay a girlfriend who used to be a seamstress to make it for me that night. She looked at me like I had six heads and then said no. I called her a bitch, then she laughed at me lol
My over-locker shit itself on me after I had put together the shoulders and side seams… I did use them words again, with lots more character. I even added in a few more spicy ones too.
I like masks better too. Your thoughts on them are my thoughts too. Next year I’m suggesting masks!
Miss Cinders xx
I sew constantly.
What you have written terrifies me.
The idea of sewing a first dress overnight. Big and Scary. If you got that dress so it stayed on her and was blue, I am calling it a resounding success. And staples/safety pins totally count as sewing. ;-p
Oh man, you need to totally high five me…. there were NO PINS!!!
I totes outdid myself! lol
Miss Cinders xxx
Our old school did not require dress ups in Book Week. Our new school does.
Thankfully older child knew immediately what he was going to wear and it required no fancy dress. The younger one burst into tears because he didn’t have a favourite book character. (!)
We settled on Batman, because we already had the costume and we could find an actual Batman book in the shop. Oh, yes. The books were required, too.
Argh, serious they needed the books? That would have been a total lose my shit moment!
Thank goodness you could do Batman! I was Thanking the Goddess that the littlest Ogre Boy was happy with going as “Smee” out of Peter Pan.
Miss Cinders xxx
Oh my! I hope you got something dress like made. I ordered costumes online this year, including one for myself, we all dresse up and went to the parade.
I so did!!!
I’m doing a follow-up on SMOM during this week. I amazed myself. Not that it exactly fitted properly, but we improvised lol 
Miss Cinders xxx
I was at the above mentioned book week parade with my little man who is in kinder. Miss Cinders is my best friend and when I arrived at the school Miss Cinder’s little girl orge ran up to me with the most beautiful smile for my much loved hug and said to me, “Look what mum did, she stayed up all night just to make this for me because I wanted to be Alice”, I told her she looked beautiful and mum had done a great job to have her respond, “yes she did, didn’t she?”
I sat there waiting for the parade to start and watched her as she looked herself up and down, holding the bottom of her beautiful dress out and she was smiling the most loving smile I think I have ever seen from this wonderful little kid.
I will never forget the look on the little orge’s face, nor will I ever let Miss Cinders forget the joy she brought to her beloved daughters face on them days when we sit and have coffee and question our parenting skills.
You did good Miss Cinders and this is a story your little girl will one day tell her children about, how Nan stayed up all night so their mummy could be Alice.
Your amazing and I know it everyday.
That is so beautiful to hear.
Naww Thankyou hunny! You’re just the bestest best biatch ever
MWAH!
Miss Cinders xxx
Wow – this is going well beyond the call of duty. But it sounds like is well that ends well. We’d love to see the photos of your triumph!
Love Mumabulous
They’re coming! I’ve blown myself away with just how damn awesome I made her feel, and how damn awesome she made me feel by being so happy.
A Mummy moment that’s gonna stick for the rest of my life!
Miss Cinders xxx
Firstly, Miss Cinders you are hilarious. How did I not know you before? Secondly, I am an ex-Alice Book Week girl myself. I think my mother just made me wear any old dress in my cupboard and stuck a black headband on me. It was the 80′s and book week standards were much lower, but it worked!
I am sure you created the most stunning dress ever and have retained your awesome mother status.
Hahaha I dunno about “hilarious”, although my bestie a couple of comments up always laughs at me when I’m losing my shit about stuff. Takes away from the whole “I’m totally serious” I’m trying like hell to be! lol
If you were picked as Alice it was a success! That’s the way I see it! I feel for your poor Mum, oh boy do I ever!!
Hells yeah! I was told I was awesome sooo many times that morning and afternoon! And now I keep getting big smiles when I catch her staring at me!
Miss Cinders xxx
Hon, you are a worry… outsource in future… for your own safetly… PLEASE!!!
xxx
Hahahaha *snort* I tried! I even offered to pay a friend who used to be a seamstress, but she said no and laughed at me!
I’m tellin ya though, fatigue whilst driving a sewing machine is dangerous! lol
Miss Cinders xxx
We had to go to book week in clothes we already had, which meant that our costumes were always so incredibly lame compared to the other kids whose mothers didn’t work full time for a pitiful nurse’s wage. One year I went along as Brer Rabbit, which meant I was wearing overalls, a flanno, elastic sided boots and had a ball of cotton wool safetypinned to the seat of my pants. I don’t think I was even given cardboard ears but I’m pretty sure I had whiskers drawn on my face with eyeliner.
Budget Alice dress alternative: Go op-shopping for blue checkered school uniform. Add a white hostess apron (= white tea towel with fabric ties attached) and a headband and white knee-his with black shoes. Crisis averted!
My first stop was the op shop, tis always my first port of call for these things
Didn’t think though, the darn uniform shop would have had a second hand dress!
I was thinking back when my older two were in kindy together, I sent the biggest Ogre Girl as a light, light shade and all lol Can’t remember what book we got it out of though. I figured I had to make up for past embarrassments lol
Miss Cinders xxx
I’m obviously a sadist because I’m looking forward to my first book week