I have a friend who, on the school holidays before she left for work, would disconnect the modem.
She would leave a note for her boys to hang out the washing.
Throughout the day she would get panicked and desperate text messages from said boys pleading for her to disclose the whereabouts of the modem.
The modem, along with a smiley face thank you, was sitting on top of the wet washing in the washing machine.
They never did find the modem.
Stupidly, I would just ASK my children to help me out.
Cause I was like WORKING and RUNNING A HOUSEHOLD and had a kid who didn’t sleep and smeared his shit in lovely patterns on the walls and more often than not I had some rare tropical disease or was hobbling around in a RoboBoot.
And all I was asking was them to hang the washing on the line cause I have a SPORTS INJURY to my shoulder.
Shutup. Tendonitis in my shoulders from surfing porn is totally a sports injury.
Alas after 5 rewashes I would hobble out and hang the fucking stuff up myself. OR they would get on the internet (see above clever mothers) and bitch and moan about how unfair I was and then get their friend to do it for them.
So now I just have my 6ft toddler at home, and while the fecal murals have reduced to special appearances and he is staying in his room most of the night, I am still in need of new ideas to get kids to do shit that they should just fucking do cause they are part of this family dammit.
Like brushing teeth so I don’t get knocked down by the scent of death in the morning before my coffee.
Paying him a dollar a day was met with rolling of eyes.
(where do they LEARN that? Is it a class in school? Is it a primal urge? WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK?)
TEN dollars a week with ‘meh’
So now we are PAYING him FIFTEEN DOLLARS A WEEK TO BRUSH HIS OWN DAMN TEETH so he can eat a steak when he is 40.
And I don’t even fucking COOK steak.
Let alone be able to afford it now that I am paying him to brush his teeth.
Next I will be paying him to wipe his arse.
NOT on the wall.