Post sponsored by BigW Toys
Doesn’t everyone measure events by brain haemorrhages? It’s the only way I remember my own birthday.
Regardless, Boo is especially excited about this birthday as he is quite taken with The Golden Child’s spawn because, lets face it, the kid is pretty damn cute and obviously takes after his auntie.
Because Boo is ALSO quite fond of baby toys (read: I give up, play with the damn Teletubbies and Elmo till you are thirty) I decided to let him do a little online shopping for his cousins present. This serves MANY MANY purposes:
- I don’t have to stand around for an hour while he plays with EVERY. DAMN. TOY in the shop.
- I don’t have to deal with The Great Unwashed wearing leggings as pants and their snotty nosed children in Crocs drinking Coke out of a baby bottle that congregate out the front of every damn store.
- Nobody has to see me with my Quasimodo hump and pus leaking abscess on my EYE OMG!
- It keeps Boo quiet and happy while I watch some Real Housewives Of All of the Places or fuck around on the internet.
- I can order the stuff online and get it delivered straight to The Golden Child’s house, avoiding the likelihood of Boo deciding to eat our purchases and necessitating in me going back to Big W toys to buy more and then fishing the half digested Thomas The Tank Engine squeezy toy out of the toilet. Because that totally happened. Butthead.
- It saves me money and stress getting it delivered to them because I have a shocking track record of actually SENDING shit I buy for people. The Golden Childs Easter Egg still on my desk waiting for me to send it up to him. Even though he was IN MY HOUSE Easter Sunday. And The Golden Spawn got his birth present with his Christmas present. IN JANUARY.
- We wont have the inevitable fight of no we are not buying him a bike/ no you can’t have one too/ oh alright just one toy/ OMG I SAID ONE TOY not an Xbox/ he doesn’t need the entire set of Sesame Street characters/ no YOU don’t need the entire set of Sesame Street characters/ can we go and get mummy a coffee and a valium now? Because he will have NO IDEA what I actually purchased and he has the joy of picking every damn toy in the entire department and putting it in the little online shopping cart and thinking that his awesome Mummy bought them all for his cousin.
Win/win I say. And I didn’t even have to wear pants.