Oh woe is me:
It is just too hard keeping up with the squillions of comments…
Dealing with the fact that no one comments…
Nobody VALIDATES ME…
I am a better writer than HER and she gets all the glory…
OMG I need attention TOO YOU KNOW!
Blogging is taking away too much valuable time from my family…
I got a TROLL! Some one disagreed with me! I am running away from this evil internet…
I have already said all I want to say…
I am going to write a book…
No-one really GETS me…
No brands ever approach me…
Too many PR companies are contacting me and wanting my valuable time that I need to devote to my loyal fans and it is all too much…
*insert attention seeking pathetic phrase here*
…
So farewell dear friends, this is my swan song and I will leave my blog here with comments open because I just paid 2 years hosting fees up front so you can all beg me not to leave, and I will hit refresh over and over on my now MOST TRAFFICKED POST EVER and declare on Facebook and Twitter every 2 hours that I have quit blogging and I am so RELIEVED but I will miss you all so much, and then add a link to my flouncing post directing you to leave your adoring comments begging me to keep blogging THERE so everyone can see how very popular I really am and I shall make note of those that truly care about me enough to beg me to continue with my inane musings about how cute my kid/cat/husband/house/God/cake is.
And then a couple of days later I will post again like nothing had happened.
Rinse. Repeat.
Until I get sufficient attention to feed my ego or declare the internet full of high school bitches and go back to MySpace.
Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by:
{ 134 comments… read them below or add one }
Having a bad day are we Sweetie???
See ya Wednesday :p
You probably don’t want to hear it… but you are so clever.
and pretty and smart and OMG VALIDATE ME PLEASE!!!!
Heh.
How did you steal this from my drafts folder? I am off to check my security settings right now… Hmph…
{Cute post, love it… Is this where I say, “Please don’t go, I just discovered you..”?}
Bwahahahaaa! I have a similar draft sitting here taking the piss out of bloggers who do this. It definitely is a ploy to get more traffic and “look at me! look at me!” Maybe I should do it. I need to boost my stats.
I need to ask how OFTEN you can get away with it and schedule that shit into my calendar.
Time it with a weekend away for ‘recuperation from the evil internet’
OMG maybe I should put everyone on moderation!
HOW have you not written a “how to blog” ebook yet?!
I am quitting blogging to write it.
Duh.
And in paperback cause I am a hipster.
Brilliant. Fucking hilarious.
Here, have a box of dishwashing tabs. I love you baby x
OMG how did you KNOW!?!?
Can you have them couriered here by five? I shall write a month long series of posts about the awesomeness of the dishwashing tabs and then give you 12 months free advertising in my sidebar.
And send back the box after testing only 2.
Oh, wait, that is a different post. Heh.
Quit already. FUCK, what kind of self-indulgent shit is this?? If you say you’re going to quit, JUST FUCKING QUIT. Or just shut the fuck up and keep writing. Who cares either way?
What she said :p
Noooooo Please don’t go.
I will miss hearing about your kids/cat/husband/house/God/cake!!!
How will I fill my days without your glorious blog?
And your hair is so great!
Don’t leave meeeeee
Snort! Loved this a lot…
Hilarious!! xx
I am laughing because it’s true. I am sniggering because I have seen it so many times before. Thanks for my morning coffee giggle!
It IS sad how often it happens isn’t it?
I have my farewell post already planned and it involves flipping the bird and peace out.
And then I will delete the blog. Cause I don’t do things half arsed.
Moderated comments mess with my head, I’m not emotionally mature enough for moderation. I’m
Still waiting on one blog and I wrote a boring comment! Kelley give up your too fab for general perusal . You should be charging for this stuff! I’d love to know who ur talking about. Alas I know nothing maybe I should quit …..
I just had a mental picture of ten years time, when a bunch of bloggers who were popular in the 2000′s get together for a reunion… Kind of like Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion, but without Romy and Michelle’s fabulous clothes.
I wonder which blogger will claim to have invented post-its? Oh, but because it’s the bloggy world, someone there will claim to have invented Pintrest…
FYI, I invented post its. Kel invented the glue on the back.
*fist bump*
I admit to panicking a little when I first read your title and thought, ‘she can’t be fucking serious?!?’. I hope you’ve also posted the emo Instagram self portrait too x
tomorrow. Gotta drag this shit out.
lol… Seriously.. Sitting in the bank waiting for my man and i’m chuckling away… A blog i used to read did this recently… Notice i said used to…Double u ever.love your work… See you when your back ..:)
Chuckle
I mean, “Please don’t quit, you are so awesome, and gorgeous, and honest and your posts are changing the world.”
changing the world… hmmmm
*strokes beard*
So Angelina Jolie changing the world or Eden Riley changing the world? I want the formers lips and the latters awesomeness.
Bahahaha! Yes I’ve seen a few blogs do this recently. Love ya work and I validate you!
Hilarious & brilliant! Love your style x
hhmmm…should I be paranoid?
At any rate, isn’t all blogging about attention and external validation? At least to some extent.
Hahaha too funny! I am so glad I have found you. You are so pretty, funny, smart, blah blah blah. xx
Phew, relieved!
I’m fairly new to your awesome Magneto Boldness and I’ve been love-love-loving every post I get a chance to read. Well played Kell, well played. x
For some reason I am recalling the Simpsons episode where Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball #something are vying for attention by walking on their hind legs saying “we… love… you…” (sounds more like “re ruv roo”). Might be the Stampy the Elephant Episode.
You forgot to whine about how clicky the internetz are
I totally did!
I guess that is a given. Or perhaps the theme of my next flounce. Same time next month?
it may be a given, but it still deserves a flounce! It’s a date
Ahh yes, the “GREAT INTERNET FLOUNCE OFF!”. Nicely played.
Not before a final giveaway…
DAMMIT.
Now I will have to flounce off again. Next week?
Ha! Love it. I’m not sure we can accept your resignation letter
Love & stuff
Mrs M
LOL! How dare you take attention away from me??? Now I know why no-one comments on my blog! They’re all here!!!
I do declare I love you x
Hell …. I thought you wrote QUILTING blogging!
Had me worried until I put my glasses on.
Oh sweetie, will a $5 voucher for bread make you feel better?
x
damn. I was so closing down my blog for all of those reasons but now I can’t because I am sure I would be violating some imaginary blogging copyright manifesto.
I just swallowed my own tongue I was LOLing so hard.
I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT YOU MEANT IT.
Then I lolled. You need to write the world’s first eBook on “How to Quit Blogging .. again and again.” It will sell like HOTCAKES.
I would rather they sold like crack cocaine. Bloggers hate carbs.
Been it. Felt it. Did it. Fuck it.
no you didn’t stoopid head. You didn’t leave for attention and then come back two days later.
Or did you and I forget?
Rugs a Million Syndrome? They threaten to close but never do.
Please don’t go *throwing myself on the road in front of passing traffic”
what a great name for this – rugsamillion syndrome sounds like something very serious! Possibly even life-threatening (blog-threatening?).
It’s like you read my mind.
Oh by the way, I got traffic from you! It was a spam-bot. Yeah.
*POPULARITY DENIED*
aren’t you a funny one! this cracked me up. MySpace — yeah right.
Wait whaaat. Oh ok
When is Part II coming up?? Drama like this should run on for years like a never-ending Taiwanese drama show haha
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Well fuck all, you’ll be missed.
But I paid for my ad space! You can’t quit, you have like obligations to teh internets.
Also Glow could send you some of her bandaids to review
didn’t you read the fine print?
Sucks to be you.
Heh heh heh.
Also, tell the world how awesome it is to advertise on MB2 and I will give you an HOUR free! I know! How can you pass that up?!?!
Being the dutiful minion I am, I have gone and pimped your ride… ah blog on my facebook page
Pfft. Good riddance, psycho emotional bitch.
*eyeroll*
See you Wednesday then? Around the same time?
for that I am going to stay away ONE MORE DAY.
*storms off in a huff for like 2 minutes before coming back to refresh the comments*
goose.
Next post needs to start with
“I am Back! This is just my own little space where I can write my own thoughts, it was never meant to be for anyone else”
cut
paste.
But your hair is so shiny and your shoes are so pretty!
Oh, this post is hilarious! You’re so popular today, your post has been shared.
Twice.
Thanks for writing this post. Made me giggle! xx
Love this post! Thanks for the laugh! Just what I wanted on a Monday morning…….
kelley. Fucking shut the fuck up! what would I do without your humor(american spelling) to keep me going? no. you are not allowed to quit. Fucking trolls be damned.
Note to self: NEVER tick the box to be notified of comments on a post like this. Idiot!
*goes off to clean out inbox*
I started to read this and panicked, told my husband my fave blogger was quitting and he said “isn’t she the one with 2 emo kids, the man child with autism as well as dealing with recovering from a couple of strokes?” I affirmed the above and he scoffed “She aint quitting, that blog is the only good thing she has going”.
I reminded him you have the shoes too.
Well played Kelley – I do love me a petulant blog flounce.
Carol
this made me laugh… especially since just after your husband said that my blog was the only good thing I have going my blog was hacked and arsehats defecated in my CSS.
No one does irony quite like you MB2!
eeeek it is a *FLOUNCE* stomp on it before it spreads throughout the blogosphere, these damn things are highly contagious.
Myspace? Honey, Friendster and Bebo are where it’s at.
Darling Kelley – PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!! DON”T GO!!! I adore you!!! I admit I voted for you and that other biatch too…but next year I SWEAR on my twisted black heart I will vote for ONLY YOU…best blogger of 2013!!! You gotta be in it to win it!
DAMMIT. I forgot to add
‘and I don’t win ANY of the awards IT IS NOT FAIR!’
Crap I dont really have time to comment as I have to hit cancel before my next post goes live. Frigging hilarious, I wish I had the balls to post this
x
Marry Me?
Love it love it love it!
Nothing else to say really
But you haven’t talked about it on twitter enough yet! You’ve got to declare a blogging break before you can have a proper flounce. AND a goodbye giveaway.
Did you come back yet?
I will only come back if you come and visit me.
Or do me another guest post.
Miss ya.
LOL! Yep, good one! Quite over hearing the same people saying this over and over again ….and then…up they pop AGAIN? Hmm…kinda make us women look bad by being indecisive. Maybe I should the same…goodness know it’ll boost enough traffic!! LOL!
Oh.my.gawsh. Did you see? That Kelley chick from MagnetoBoldToo quit her blog, and she blogged about it. What an attention seeking whore right? I know. I am so totally, like, not commenting on that post. She just wants people to say they love her, and then she will be back. How funny would it be if we didn’t say anything and then she was just back anyway. Oh yeah, lets do that….
I’m not going to tell you about how you leaving the blogging world will affect me here. You will have to come back to blogging for that.
Also, thank fucking gawd you wrote this because I’m just gunna start linking it to people who do their little blogging tantrum cries frequently.
You always managed to find the right words. we’re either pissing our pants laughing or balling, you just have no middle ground. but hey that is why we will be back….. assuming you follow said cycle!
am SO not a Blogger (they need a special term for my kind, maybe blog cuckoo coz i love to pounce on the comments section and write REALLY long comments that should probably be on my own blog, which i don’t have) … where was i? but these Digital Diva Denouements make me wonder why people do blog: self-expression, attention, income … if it’s for self-expression then that motivation comes from within, for attention then there are other ways (like sex tapes O.O), if for income that doesn’t materialise, do a bloggie business course (plenty online).
see, i’ve done it again … blog cuckooing! xt
I already sang to you on twitter but will comment here too.. because I know if you only have a measly 73 comments and not 74 on this post you will definitely go…
you are number 78
Not NEARLY enough.
of course on the very day I think “ok I am quitting my blog” you go ahead first..see I cannot even get any blog/tweet/FB space now because you did it first…
but I suppose I am still a newbie and you are QueenBee!!
Biatch.
I’ve done this like 4 times because I’m a douchebag.
At least I didn’t lose The Game! Ha! Sucka!
you attention seeking biatch.
DAMN YOU!
Now I have to go and text a Damn Emo.
I just love you but I’ve told u that b 4
It wasn’t attention seeking, I jut have an addiction problem. I love comments and attention. Oh wait…fuck.
Also, how can we turn this around so it’s more about me? Heh.
Please don’t go, I have only just stumbled across your blog and I LOVE IT. I have never known a blog to keep me entertained in the early hours of the morning. Pretttyyyy please don’t go you. You seriously rock!
Having recently announced I am taking a blog break, which I really am, and having recently shared a few guest posts I had lined up anyway, after reading this I now feel like a complete idiot. I had no idea that is what people may have been thinking, that I only did it for blog stats. I am totally not writing a ‘I am back’ blog post and after this I don’t know if I want to come back. N x
Oh Naomi. You are such a beautiful soul that no-one could ever think that you were doing it for that. It’s obvious you don’t need the stats anyway xx
When I quit my blog I won’t tell anyone, I’ll just stop posting. And then I’ll wait for ppl to email me or seek me out on facebook or twitter to check that I am ok. And when they don’t, I’ll just sit in the corner and cry, and vow to never write another word as long as I live.
Meh. I have too many blogs to read anyway.
Win!
Here, let me stroke your hair and your ego while I plot my first threat to quit and you gather your strength for a come back with free incontinence pads for every commenter. It’s only fair, they will need them.
Just discovered you today and it was the day I really needed to read this post. Hilarious! So you got a mention in my blog post for that. Thanks heaps.
This went waaaaay over my head (as in I don’t know who has done the real tanty-flounce-off). But I had a coughing fit from laughing just the same.
It wasn’t aimed at anyone specifically… I just see it all the time. Attention seeking bored housewives wanting to test friendships and loyalty just like they did at a sleepover when they were 9.
This is the internet, no one really cares.
But you CAN’T quite before this weekend, thus denying ME the privilege and pleasure of gratuitous Vogue poses
nods head, well played sista, laughed so hard, there was a trickle
Man, anyone would think you read women’s blogs.
I read blogs in other areas, but for a really good flounce it’s the women every time. Sigh.
OMG cracked me up enough that i just read all 101 comments – i need to get a life. I saw the title of your post and thought i must have missed the May blogger memo that said it was “quit blogging month”. You’re so trendy!
Brilliant. Bloody hilarious, why do I always forget not to read you with my morning coffee??!!! its getting expensive on the keyboards…
I start my day with you and a smile on my face….there validation enough? LOL!! seriously, you kick us all up the butt and remind us not to take ourselves seriously. You’re the only blog I now read, so you cant quit, as the reasons for leaving all the other blogs are so elegantly described above by you above!
love ya x
Pfft. Attention seeker.
You’ll be back and we won’t even notice you’ve gone. But I’ll be gone and you won’t even notice.
So sick of all the “please don’t go” posts – if she wants to, she will, otherwise she’s an attention seeking ho that doesn’t deserve my brilliant comments.
In fact, I’m not sure why I’m even writing this post. If she’s really left she’ll never see it, and if she is she won’t care about little ol me anyway.
ha, and people still let me near the Internet when there’s rum in the house
Mwah
PS I nearly peed my pants when my auto correct changed ho to no. LOL
You and I both know….you could never fucking leave me. Remember Hotel California…..you can check out anytime you like, but you can NEVER leave xo
*sends you chocolate in the mail*
Man, I knew I quit my last blog wrong. I didn’t do the giveaway, and I could’ve dragged out the goodbye over there for more traffic!
I love this post though,thank you for the laugh. We all take this shit too seriously sometimes, and I’m totally guilty of that:)
WAH I’M GONNA QUIT TOO HOW WOULD I COPE WITHOUT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU?
Well now, THERE’S a clever way to get over 100 comments in a few hours!
You want validation? Okay then, you shiny glittery person, I’ll validate you if you validate me…..okay?
Take a break if you want, but you know you’ll be back, because you love us like we love you.
Besides, everyone knows quitting is easy, it’s sticking around that shows real guts.
omfg right on the mark here! I’m going to quit with you…then we’ll chat about our next lot of blog posts! This is so awesome, love youxx
You crack my shit UP!
xx
Almost makes me wish my website was online again so I could renew my old “pants to wee in” ad. Should get heaps of clicks on a post like this.
Please don’t quit blogging! What would I do without my doses of your awesome?!
sorry, but you’re not ALLOWED to quit. Nope.
Kelley, I ran dry of anything worthwhile to say so long ago there’s a layer of dust on the words. You? keep me in stitches. I don’t think I will grant permission for you to leave….
Hehe genius!!!
LOL – love it. The internet would not be the same without your words. Love you love your blog. You are a great writer.
RESPECT to you for having the guts to publish the bad comments along with the good. This tells us, your readers, that you are genuine. Unlike that woman who thinks she’s Nigella but not quite…have you ever read her blog? Nobody ONLY ever gets positive comments – she simply doesn’t publish them! That is fake and BS. Wouldn’t trust her for 2 seconds. Besides, all she does is rip off other peoples’ recipes and make them herself – I mean big fucking deal!? You are the real deal. Fuck her and fuck the rest. We only want you.
If you are talking about who I think you are talking about I read her blog every day. I think she is fabulous!
So disappointing that you feel that way… thanks so much for the compliments but I just don’t get negative comments either. The trolls see that I have such a supportive community (probably the same for Lorraine) and don’t comment. They email me or write hate blogs instead. Meh, no one can please everyone right?
Good Lord. I leave the internet for two days and this is the shit I come back too? I must say you do (non)quit in style!
Well, you already know I unfollow my own posts on Facebook because I just don’t have time for all that nonsense. Which is why I’m not reading this post, either. Or commenting. **tosses cake to throngs outside window**
Any second now, I know you are going to post something! After all it’s been 2 days since you quit :p
LMAO, I hit publish like 10 minutes after you commented.
Either you are psychic or hiding outside my window…
Excellent news.. surely once you leave your blog all copyright is null and void and I can steal all your best bits and copy-paste. I’m gonna be rich.. rich I tell you mwwwahhhhhhaaaahhaaa **( please note the last word should be spoken using the accent of the Count from Sesame Street. Otherwise it’s just weird)** I shall call myself Magneto Bold Too Two
Oh this is hilarious! I saw the title on facebook, and thought oh no, not another one…then I saw some of the text below and started to giggle, and haven’t stopped…all the way through the comments too! Ha ha ha!
How on EARTH had I not read your blog before?? And now your leaving? Sob, don’t leeeave.
Wait – Have you considered bloggerapy? Perhaps we could delve into your childhood nightmares or perhaps you were teased for poor creative writing at school? Why not blog about about your childhood… it may be the just healing you need.
Seriously wondering why I’ve never been here… the quitting part. Hmmm Off to ponder!
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