Moo and I with our Autism tattoos.
Dear person I just met/ random on the street/ long term friend/ relative I see once a year/ girl at the checkout,
It is OK.
Honestly.
I see the trepiation in your eyes.
The fear.
It’s OK.
I was on your side once. Not knowing what to say. What to do.
Not wanting to offend.
Yes, my boy is big isn’t he?
He is LOUD!
OMG you should hear him in the middle of the night! Or when he is singing in the toilet.
Kid has no off button, let alone a volume control.
No, it doesn’t hurt when he slaps himself like that.
It means he is happy. Excited even.
I don’t get it either and we did try for a while to stop him doing it, but like a dog wagging its tail it is primal.
And part of him.
We don’t understand it, but does that make it wrong?
Yes, he is a bit unpredicatable.
But just because I pull him away from you doesn’t mean he will hurt you.
He just doesn’t have any sense of personal space, I am doing it for your comfort.
Not your safety.
Please understand that it is OK to be a little concerned.
Afraid even.
Fuck, he frightens me sometimes but he is so gentle it is heartbreaking.
When he strokes my cheek when he sees I am sad.
The gentle hug as he rests his head on my shoulder.
The way he interacts with his 8 month old cousin. Not a dry eye in the house I can assure you.
He is the definition of a gentle giant.
Just give him a chance and he will change your life. For the better.
He is genuine.
He is kind.
He is loving and hilarious.
He is big and unpredicatable.
He flaps his arms and makes weird arsed noises and has no qualms about getting in your face to talk about things that only he finds interesting.
He farts A LOT.
And they stink.
But he will say excuse me.
Cause he has him some manners thankyouverymuch.
It is OK to tell him to fart outside.
It is OK to tell him to stand back or please stop talking about Teletubbies or his latest movie he is making.
It is OK to look at me with pleading eyes because you don’t know what to do.
It is OK.
Honestly.
I have been you. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to say.
It is OK.
I will teach you.
Boo will teach you.
Just acknowledge him. That is all I ask.
The rest is OK.
Honestly.
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{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }
Drat, something seems to have got in my eye.
He sounds awesome Kel. I wish I could meet him someday (and you too as he has to get his awesomeness from somewhere)
You are awesome. Boo is awesome.
Just. fucking. awesome.
I love that when you talk about Boo all I see is love.
Never annoyance. Never “kill me now I’ve had enough”.
Always overflowing love, even when you’ve been up since some ungodly hour.
xxx – and 3 for Boo too xxx
oh don’t get me wrong… kid is a butthead.
But what kid isn’t?
And that’s exactly it!
this? is fucking awesome kelley. you are the most amazing advocate for ol’ boo.
Yes, she is.
What makes it easier is that Boo is loveable, laughable and awesome (it runs in the family).
I am constantly amazed how many people ‘get’ this (school kids, daughters’ friends, the people that serve him at local shops), and the people that don’t (some teachers & educators, ‘experts’, bureaucrats and ppl in the ‘support’ industry).
We love him because (in every sense of the term) there is no alternative.
I heart you. Muchly.
I was that person too. And now I know what I was missing out on.
Wow…. just wow. <3
Oh Kelley. This one got me. Pure heart, pure soul. *love*
just Beautiful Kelley
x
(just wiping a tear away) <3
very simply put, yet so thought-provoking. thanks.
Ai @ Sakura Haruka
Beautifully written with nothing but heart. Inspiring and amazing.
people don’t know. but it’s good to learn. I love this kid and I ain’t never even met him xx
This is why we love you. And Boo.
<3
Aaw geez. *sniff* Look what you just did. Loved these words- Boo sounds great. Especially when he farts outside. xxx
I love this so much. I’ve wanted to say these same things, but never had the words… now, I do. Thank you!
I think this is my favorite blog post ever by you, Kelley!
Heartmeltingly awesome post, thanks Kel
reckon i could handle the farts (Miss8 is a champion), but Teletubbies? NOOOOOOO! xt
<3 beautiful
What a wonderful blog! I’m glad it’s OK because I’ve been known to be intimidated, and not know how to react. It’s such a normal response when you encounter someone new and different. Kids are all special! I’ve been around a few ASD kids now and adore their honesty, how caring and loving they can be, and I love how differently their minds work.
Thank you for sharing Boo with me. He sounds bloody awesome!
Wow M this is beautiful & so, so true which makes it even more beautiful & powerful. It is sad that society no longer holds a place for these qualities but times are changing. It is confronting for peeps because it is different but beautiful expressions & insights such as these will bridge that gap. TFS dear Woman you are & have a heart of gold <3
This may just be the best post of yours I have ever read. Only you could make tear up with a post that mentions farts…
You’re amazing.
LOVE IT! It is written for my 11 year old son I’m sure! Especially the farting bit lol
Oh Lordy I must have something in my eye… What a tribute to your Boo!
(& THAT is why you are a best blog nominee right here!)
I haz tears, lots of them. You are divine.
I’m REALLY glad you wrote this. I’m one of those morons who has no idea how to act around people with autism, severe learning difficulties, Downs syndrome, ABI, whatever, and it took me a while to realise it’s probably because the fact that I have no notion of the capabilities of the individual, and therefore I am uncomfortable in case I do or say something wrong. Which is I know is dumb and I feel bad about it… But it apparently is more common than I thought…
Also, my parents were psych nurses, so when I was about five or six my brother and I would spend an hour or so on the ward most days with the non-violent patients (which in those days, back before the State shut down psych hospitals, was basically filled with adults with intellectual disabilities or alcohol or drug-induced ABI on top of whatever psych disorder put them into that spiral, who didn’t fit in anywhere else and whose families couldn’t or wouldn’t care for them) while dad worked and we waited for mum to pick us up after her night shift, and I remember being very confused by these people because I couldn’t communicate effectively with them or make sense of what they were saying. Guess it stuck with me.
But you’re right. Give them half a chance and they do teach you. As it turns out, you just have to learn their language. Thanks for writing this, and thanks for understanding people like me. You’re a champion xoxo
I was that person too once. But now whilst I don’t pretend to know it all, what I do know is I have gained understanding and respect that we all have our thing going on and whatever it is, thats ok.
Tears at work
)
You guys rock! x
This is a really, really good one.
They are burning….my eyes…
Your words have melted my heart, I know one day I will meet Boo, I’m off to share this on FB Nx
Love your work. My Mal head bangs. He head bangs and he rocks and he’ll tell you anything you could possibly want to know about Lego star wars or the Avengers. He eats with his mouth open and forgets to brush his teeth. Often. But he’s taught me more than I could ever know from books.
The Boo’s of this world are amazing. Your boo is amazing and so is his Mum.
If only we could get Boo and Mal together. Can you imagine how awesome they could be?
Boo doesn’t brush his teeth (well with a toothbrush anyway, they are for scrubbing arses donchaknow) or wash his hair. But eats with his mouth closed. Swings and roundabouts eh?
my son scrubbed his arse with my toothbrush….joy
that is so weird. One of my first posts was about Boo’s propensity to use my toothbrush as an anal cleanser!
It has become a running gag. Like him being afraid of sweet potatoes.
One peep actually made me a toothbrush holder OUT OF A SWEET POTATO!
I have never heard of anyone else doing it before. Welcome to the club.
One of my favourites of yours Kelley x
I have tears! Awesome, moving post.
Amazing – your boy is awesome.
wow. hard to say who rocks more right about now…. the gorgeous boy who inspires this post or the fabulous woman who notices all of these beautiful details.
<3 big time. xoxo, buf
Now I want to meet him. Kelley, that’s the most beautiful declaration of love I’ve read in a long time.
I’m a special educator but decided not to work as a teacher in a special school. I simply didn’t get along with some other teachers – one of the told me I shouldn’t try to teach anything to that “big old baby” (a 13 year old, big boy with a developmental disorder). He wouldn’t be able to remember anything, anyway.
Cynicism and ignorance are much graver handicaps than those of the kids could ever be.
Of course Boo is awesome, with you and MPS as parents, how could he not be? I’d love to meet him one day, but it would have to be in hayfever season so I can’t smell the farts….
I can see how a six foot tall toddler would appear scary to many people who only see him for a few sudden moments, for instance at a checkout. I can say though, that having learned about Autism and Aspergers from you and Jayne and a few others here on the web, I’ve become more tolerant of kids having meltdowns in the store or anywhere really. you see, maybe they are just brats throwing a tantrum, BUT, maybe they’re autistic and overwhelmed…..and yet again, maybe the tantrum throwers are also overwhelmed because they’ve been dragged from shop to shop……
I’m not good at face to face communication myself, you saw that at AusBlog, but in smaller situations, where there aren’t hundreds of people, I’m more willing to give it a try. So if you and Boo were ever to turn up at my checkout, I’d be happy to talk to you both.
Holy heck lady that’s quite the powerfully written piece! You and he, have much to teach the world. Thank you.
Great post Kelley. Often people want to do or say the right thing but they don’t realise what they can do is often the simplest.
Oh I love this post. Print it out and go and letter bomb it to every fucker you may ever bump into.
I am quite….strange. I love children with special needs, either way
I love that they’re different and I love to chat with them and spend time with them getting to know them and understand what makes them tick. They’re amazing people, daring to be different and ok with it.
You’ve got a real gift there.
Love this. Love you. Love Boo xoxo
Stop making me cry…really xoxo Best thing I have read in a long time lovely xo
Well I know where he gets his overwhelming amount of love and kindness, mwah, xx
Wow, this is fantastic. Thank you, this I can do is acknowledge
Love it….I’m with Cat…you both have much to teach the world. x
Acknowledgement is the least anyone can do. Amazing post, Kelley! xo
and my heart just exploded.
Oh, Kelley. Wow. Just wow.
How awesome is it that there is so very much the learning impaired can actually teach us?
i’m off to the paed today with my son and you are reminding me of temperance. Its hard to achieve. I’m sure I’ll die trying. I like your blog because you are a real person with all that goes with it and reminds me that there are others out there that deal really well with special needs kids. How special they are isnt a derogatory term, it’s a gift. My heart is almost falling out of my chest. xx
That was sooo beautiful .. Real and eye opening.. I LOVE IT!!
Thank you for sharing this post. Your beautiful words really touched me:)
I don’t know what to say. Just amazing xo
How true this is. I work with children with Autism, in a day care environment. Our day care runs a inclusive program and practice for children with Autism. I have 5 children with Autism a day in my room with 10 mainstream children. My job is full of challenges, but they are wonderful and very rewarding challenges. I absolutely love my job and all the challenge and rewards I face each day.
Way to make the hormonal pregnant lady cry! x
babe. <3 xxx
The most beautiful love letter I’ve ever read x
Amazing, thank you for sharing.
Rachel x
You are amazing. And wonderful.
this is the shit…..this is the real, visceral stuff that makes the difference between writing and WRITING.
Thank you for showing us your heart…..You and Boo just crept into my heart and brought a little tear.
this is way better than the ‘rules’ that some parents of kids with asd put on the internet lately.. “don’t ask” me this, “don’t say” that. i am sure you have seen it. I get the frustration but sometimes the blunt and stupid questions can lead to communication AND education. up to us, in the end..
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