I fear I am going to have to resort to this.
Or this:
For the last year or so – you know since his OCD diagnosis so hello meds making him hungry all the damn time – Boo has been waking up in the middle of the night.
Technically since THE DAWN OF TIME Boo has been getting up in the middle of the night, but up until a year ago he would bound out of bed, turn on every motherfucking light in the motherfucking house and have himself a motherfucking RAVE PARTY complete with whatever song he had on loop at the time.
It is a toss up between ‘They are coming to take me away’ and ‘Ice Ice Baby’ to be the song that finally sent me batshit crazy.
I think the neighbours would agree that the obsession with salsa music was pretty fucking horrific too.
Lately though, because I have been trying to monitor his calorific intake and because although he is a four year old 13 year old in a mans body he also has a genius IQ, he has worked out that if he closes my door reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally quietly and if he doesn’t body slam all the walls on his way to the kitchen, he can eat whatever the fuck he likes without that pesky mother whining that he just ate ALL THE FUCKING CHICKEN THAT WAS FOR DINNER TONIGHT OMG!!!1!!!!1!
Well until she finds the foil on the floor of his room after he has gone to school.
Bastard butthead child.
He has also devised a way of removing food from the kitchen while I am awake.
First he takes said item out of the fridge/pantry and places it on the bench.
Then after a few minutes of dancing and spinning with glee he returns to move the item to the table – close to the door to the hallway and ultimately the bathroom.
Then, after what he has deemed a suitable amount of time according to starvation levels, he will move the item from the table to the table in the hallway and then he will take off down the hallway to lock himself in the bathroom to devour the spoils of his mission.
Now this food is not junk food.
It is food that I am quite happy for him to eat – apples, oranges, rice crackers, sandwiches (OMG the production for a sandwich is comical with him only putting 1 slice of cheese, the meat/more cheese/lettuce doing the dance of illusion above) WHOLE KILO BAGS OF GRAPES, cooked chicken that was for motherfucking dinner…
It is just the AMOUNT that I need to curtail as his weight is ballooning.
So tell me, dear readers with boys (or brothers – yes TECHNICALLY I have a brother but he was pretty much non existent to me from the age of 6 till, well, until he gave me a sister in love…) how much are these creatures supposed to eat?
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{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
When my son was diagnosed with Epilepsy aged back then (12) now 19 he use to eat us out of house all the time ~ His meds where all so wrong he’d wake up at 1am make a mountain sandwich (he called his mandwich) . *sigh*
So he ate after i did the $200 shop for the week and by the time i tried to stop him he actually ate in 1 night the whole weeks shopping! All the quacks said he was growing boy ~ hence he is like a stick figure now and is bloody 6 foot 3 tall gawd.
Not much help sorry kelley:-( But you are not alone . Thank god just one day he stopped eating us out of everything (mind you it took 6 months)
My son and his dad made hamburgers late last night with a pound of beef that I had set aside for dinner tonight. Fine! Bread and water for the menfolk. I actually have to hide food from The Boy or he’d eat everything.
it is getting to the point where I have to shop every day just for the ingredients for THAT DAY or POOF!!! It is gone.
I shouldn’t be allowed in supermarkets cause all of the bright lights and pretty packaging makes me want to buy all of the things.
My friend with 15yo boy on the spectrum resorted to putting a lock on her fridge and pantry.
From memory my brother ate everything in sight until he hit about 20yo.
I share your frustration. I do buy groceries every day otherwise there would be none in the house. It’s soooo fucking time (& money) consuming. Isn’t it a fucker?
Ice, ice , baby… Sorry, couldn’t resist. Hehee
xxx
I hate you.
Heh.
Could be worse, he could…. nah wait… yeah that’s pretty shit.
I think it’s a teenage boy thing. They just eat everything in sight. At least my almost teenage boy is starting to do it. I swear I spent about $100 at the Easter Show just on his food. He can finish dinner and still be STARVING two minutes later.
problem is Boo is overweight like REALLY overweight already.
He is already 6ft so isn’t going to grow that much more to grow into his expanding belleh…
I’m thinking locks on the fridge and pantry. Keep the keys with you and leave out what you are happy for him to eat.
I have 3 eating machines here as well.
Goddess help us all!
make a simple but stylish key necklace you reckon?
Kelley, the lock idea ranks high; the rep[ercussions of adolescent obesity are horrible: Diabetes, High blood pressure, arthritis, leg problems, heart disease…
Please get him onto a diet that will allow him to feel fuller and yet help him to dump that excess before the serious health problems rear their heads.
But WHAT? He eats ‘healthily’. What is going to make him feel fuller?
Teenaged boys are supposed to eat you out of house and home, you’ve seen Jeremy in the Zits comic in the papers? Yeah, like that.
But with Boo being already overweight, I’d be giving serious thought to locking fridge and pantry. Hide the keys in a sweet potato.
Combine proteins? That will make him feel fuller (if that’s what you’re going for). But whether he’d eat those foods, I have no idea…. Think combining grains and animal protein sources (or even simple as corn chips and hummus dip, or some legume-based dip like that). Cheese and biscuits. Hmmmm. I really don’t know, I could be talking out my butt. But I do know that combining the proteins makes you full – works for me, and I have a big appetite.
They eat shit loads. Three of mine are teens atm and they eat me out of house and home… I have to patrol every second the are home or they eat EVERYTHING. The boys are the worst for it, especially Mr 17.
If you’re trying to get him to stick to 3 meals a day, sounds like you’re going to have add in the morning and arvo tea thing too. And even a snack before bed.
School makes them even hungrier.
My kids have a thing for Uncle Toby’s porridge atm… you know the ones you can buy in the sachets… or even just normal porridge, fills them up more than cereal or toast in the morning’s.
You wanna keep major tabs, buy locks. But I dunno how Boo’s stress levels would go if you did that.
Good luck. I’m feeling for ya!
xxx
I know this may sound extreme but maybe padlocking the fridge is the way to go. Have a snack prepared for him if he gets hungry through the night and set it aside in his reach so he won’t starve or anything, but so he will have that stop?
I had a friend growing up who’s mother used to packlock the pantry and fridge from his younger brothers and sisters. It was weird…but it did the job.
Oh my… my eldest used to do this… I mean, not the meds bit… but the waking up and eating every-damn-thing-in-the-kitchen bit.
I tried everything but he was 20kg at seven… and barely 32kg at 14!! Where on earth did he FIT it all??
On the other side… I have a sealed plastic tub under my bed full of all the things he WASN’T allowed to eat. Still. Even though he’s left home… at 17.
*sigh*
A whole kilo bag of grapes! He sounds like Mr NQN and his brother. I just throw food at them and they eat it and return an empty plate. But thankfully they do not do it at night. That would annoy!
I have a 14 year old son who eats enough to feed a small village every fucking day he can eat a large pizza for dinner and the half an hour later he’ll have six weetbix , as for Boo’s weight if your worried maybe put him the same eating plan diabetics have .