So I went to the beautician today to get my eyebrows done because I am lazy and blind and lacking depth perception and there are only so many times that you poke yourself in the eye with sharp tweezers or pluck a hole in the middle before you cry uncle and slap down the 12 bucks it costs for some chick to chuck some hot wax on your face.
I walked in and the woman that usually does mine was fawning all over some old duck wanting the works.
You could SEE the dollar signs in her eyes.
There was a cheerful greeting from a girl just out of eyesight.
My usual eyebrow artiste led the old lady into the bigger treatment room and my waxer walked out with a wrist to shoulder plaster cast.
I enquired how you get such and injury and apparently if you get drunk and try and kick your best friends husband IN THE HEAD and he deflects you will fall on your wrist and completely smash it necessitating NO MOVEMENT and a huge plaster cast.
Then, while laying down waiting for the hot wax to be spread over my face she is all ‘what is that thing between your eyes?’
Remember this chick is a qualified beautican.
‘Um. A pimple?’
How many motherfucking warnings do you need Kelley?
(yes I am a middle aged woman who gets hormonal pimples and overshares shit on the internet WHAT OF IT?)
So I let her wax my eyebrows ONE HANDED and now I am too fucking scared to look in the mirror and considering cutting myself a really long nose length fringe.
Do you go with your gut instinct or ignore it for blog fodder?
P.S. – I just looked in the mirror and I think Boo ate my tweezers. Fuck.