I am about to embark on my third pay money to hear people speak but not actually listen because OMG THERE IS SO AND SO I MUST HUG HER NOW! Or I THINK I AM GOING TO VOMIT I AM SO NERVOUS ABOUT GETTING UP AND SPEAKING WHERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING VALIUM?
Yeah, I am speaking again. This time while you are eating your dinner.
I promise to make you choke on your chicken.
You are welcome.
I love mah biatches.
Plans are being made all over the place and I want to make sure I get to love on as many people as possible.
It is going to be awesome to the power of unicorns made of macarons riding on a rasher of bacon on a sea of Nutella.
A few things you need to know about me beforehand:
- I am a nice person, not scary at all. Unless you ask me to remember something and then I may remove your voicebox via your anal cavity. Nicely, obviously.
- I need real coffee to function. Skinny latte no sugar. I function even better if there is a macaron on the side. Take note Mr Emmasbrain.
- I have limited depth perception thanks to my hobby of stroking out. This means that I will more than likely stay seated or on the fringes of the crowd lest I fall over or FREAK THE FUCK OUT. I am also HILARIOUS to watch walk down stairs.
- If you want to bribe me bring me pretty shoes, size nine. Otherwise macarons. Or margaritas.
- I will be easy to spot. I will be the one not wearing fabulous shoes… please see above.
If you are going to the Digital Parents Conference and want to catch up leave a comment in them thar comments and I shall make myself a list of biatches I must hang with.
And invite back to my room…