and don’t even get me started on the ‘God only gives special children to special people’ shit.
So is there a phrase that makes you want to punch people in the vagina?
Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by:
I shall give this one a free pass… but this is the ONLY time cause it made me snort coffee out my nose. Anyone else says this shit to me they will get a punch in ALL OF THE ORIFICES. Thrice.
Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by:
Previous post: And some days the only thing to do is hide in your bed.
Next post: But I just wanna blog
{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
My pat response to the line “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is “except for strokes”. Particularly apt for you (even though you are still waaaaay awesomer than ever!)
tshirts getting ordered NOW.
“She’s in a better place now”
or
“God needed him more than we did..”
Nope. No thank you.
OMG yes… WHY is it better than here with us? Are you calling us horrible and they are better off without us?
Totally hating on those ones.
yep that Dr Phil saying, ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ , no matter who says it or why we all know it’s a straight out lie ……. I’d rather see something along the lines of ‘just because it tastes great doesn’t mean you have to eat 20 serves of it in one sitting’
I saw something on Pinterest that said ‘bitch please, have you TASTED Nutella”
Made me laugh till I farted.
Goodness gracious. Get out of my head, Ms Magneto! I have been working on a piece about the bullshit that is “what doesn’t kill you…” and spent a heap of yesterday turning over “nothing tastes as good…” with your pinterest thing about nutella in my head. What I want to know is, how did you get planning approval to build your mind-finding Magneto thingy in your backyard?
Also, I bought a jar of Oxfam dark choc spread for 20% off yesterday. Nut free, fair trade sugar and cocoa. Nothing tastes as good as guilt-free calories on discount.
I love you, you make me laugh as well as inflating my ego.
Every single time I think of something to blog about or a linky the next blog I click on is doing the exact same thing. Maybe we are blog psychic or there are just too many blogs and not enough ideas.
(I bet your piece is way betterer than mine)
people asking me if I am pregnant or gonna have another one? I have 4 kids and if i have another one i will shoot myself in the head. i have a 14 month old baby and apparently my tummy is still a bit big…. so officially i hate it when pople rub my fat gut and say “is there something your not telling me?” yeah i need to tell you to fuck off bitch!
I’ll admit I’m partial to the Nietzsche quote for myself, but never tell other people that. Since I’m not quite yet a woman of a particular age, I get all shabby when cashiers ask if I want the ‘senior discount.’
“Everything happens for a reason” bullshit.
My pet hate – “I dont know how you stay so strong, I could never do it” this is around the time my eyes glaze over although depending on the day I have been known to say “well to be honest I wish it was your child with the serious heart condition and not mine so I didnt HAVE to be so strong” Doesn’t always go down well lol
I know that people say this shit to make THEM feel better but sometimes it would be better if they just went ‘man, that sucks how can I help’ yeah?
“god doesn’t give you more than you can handle”
My response tends to lead to a conversation change
“yeah, that’s why the suicide rate is so high”
Fucking stupid fuckers. They have no fucking idea. Not a fucking clue in the world. If I get my purple ranty pants out of the clean washing basket I could spew forth for hours on this one.
Hugs gorgeous.
Xxx
awesome comeback.
These are from the website I wrote when I was losing pregnancies.
Haven’t you moved on from that yet? (yes, a whole inch, and I worked damn hard for that inch.)
Like Molly, this one always made me bitey mad.
It’s God’s will. God called your baby to him. (I had her first! Gimme!!)
God’s will… OMG how much do I hate that?
I used to get ‘well there was obviously something wrong with the baby and it is natures way’
And then I got Boo. And those same fuckers were all ‘God only sends special children to special people’ and other God shit and I was all fuck your damn God…
*calm down, breathe*
“Every child is gifted.” So help me, I’m gonna lose it on someone someday. It’s wiring. Funky, complex wiring. NOT every child is gifted, but every child has some kind of gift.
Now. Go rest babycakes.
Oh yes, “the god doesn’t give you more than you can handle” crap.
I just say yeah, that’s a bunch of crap since I don’t believe in god. It tends to shut people up.
Ye olde “but aren’t you worried about socialization?” chestnut. I want to say “they are friends with Jesus” lol
bwaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
*fart*
“Oh, that’s such a First World problem”
But it’s still a fucking PROBLEM and so what if it’s something relatively minor – if it’s the 20th “minor” problem you’ve had to contend with that morning and you’re yet to have your second cup of coffee, it’s a PROBLEM.
I hate ‘cheer up love it might never happen’
What if it already has numb nuts is what I wish I had the balls to respond to any one who says that
When I get that one I just stare them down.
They are usually older men, and they find it very unnerving and it shuts them the fuck up.
All kids do that
….
All men do that
….
Makes me homicidal.
I know… vagina punching is the only answer.
All kids do that… right thanks for that super fucking helpful saying.
If your kid is also melting down/not sleeping/repeating the same word 4000 times/lining up their toys, then maybe you should get them tested too… maybe they are also on the spectrum!
The “Well, he should just stop doing/feeling like that” BS line that people trot out.
Or “Why would he get anxious/upset over x/y/z..? It’s not effecting him!”
Cos, ya know, autism, anxiety and depression is just sooooo controllable *rolls eyes*
Fuckers.
I just rolled my eyes so far back I passed out.
It always rains after a drought.
Brilliant pearl of wisdom that one.
OMG that made me laugh. People are stupid.
“Maybe it was just meant to be.”
and…
“Think about the healthy children you do have!”
Yeah. Because children are like marbles, if you lose one, it’s okay, because you’ve still got a few more to play with. Right?
Best. Reply. EVER.
I love you gorgeous girl.
“He’s such a boy”. Thank you for noticing his genitalia… or did you take a sample and check his chromosomes?
My mum’s favourite saying was “everything happens for a reason” and I’d say what’s the reasoning behind this latest happening? She’d say “that’s for God to know”.
Huh?
She also loved “God never gives you more than you can handle”
I don’t believe that one either.
I hate “patience is a virtue” and “good things come to those who wait”
I’ve been waiting most of my adult life for a decent lotto win….guess I’ll just have to keep being virtuous…errr, patient.
Oh god soooo many! It’s usually the way that the phrases are delivered too…
Hah – did you read my satire on “The Special Mother”?
Fuckwits, surrounded by fuckwits every turn.
(PS my fave, “oh I couldn’t do what you do.” Funnily people have stopped saying it since my response is “Oh, so you’d surrender a child to the state? Would you put them in the foster system or would you give them for adoption? You are so {{*brave*}} to admit that. Do you get judged a lot for only accepting a perfect child? Must be hard sometimes. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I couldn’t do what you would do either.”
I suspect word has gotten around about me nowadays.
Some days it’s just whatever they say first…
Been a bit cranky lately, don’t mind me!!!
I haven’t read through all the comments above yet, and I am sure this one has been mentioned, but absolutely nothing makes me more stabby than when someone says:
“this [insert horrible thing that has just happened like say, my friend losing her partner suddenly a week before they are to get married] is all part of god’s greater plan” …
Oh yes. Both of those phrases make me incredibly stabby.
I’ve been trying to get pregnant again after a missed abortion 6 years ago. I’m 35 now so my biologic clock is ticking louder month after month. And I constantly get phrases like “Just relax and don’t think about it, then you’ll get pregnant”. I’m not stupid enough to shag without thinking…
Or: “I bet you’ll get pregnant as soon as you’ve adopted a child”. Oh thanks for making me feel like Brangelina.
Or: “A child knows when it’s time to be born”. Mwahahaha… *bitchslap*
Vagina punch? No. Vagina lick? Yes.
“Every cloud has a silver lining….”
Fuck off, mum.
“Chin up, the sun comes up tomorrow”
No shit, Sherlock, go spray your pointless fucking optimism to some other gormless twat.
“Always look on the bright side of life”- extra punch in the vag if they whistle
“Well, I suppose you have your pigeon pair…” re my decision to stop at two children. Which would have happened anyway if I’d wound up with two girls.
And here I was thinking a pigeon pair fecking well referred to a separate fridge & freezer combo in the kitchen. >_<