I am, as a whole, an anonymous blogger.
I don’t talk about my blog, I don’t hand out business cards, nor do I encourage my kids school friends mums to read my drivel.
My parents don’t know about my blog. They think I get free shit for filling in online surveys and blogging conferences are ‘Autism mums getaways’.
I get approached by journalists doing stories on blogging but when I say that I won’t divulge my full name or my photo… *crickets*
So the only people that I haven’t met on this series of tubes invented by Al Gore that read this are The Damn Emos and MPS.
And that is the problem.
Some times I want to just say shit. Stupid shit that comes into my head, shit that I wouldn’t tell my real life friends or family cause they know my address and will send the men with the white coats before I have time to retouch my makeup or hide the knives.
Some times there are things that are so fucking HUGE that I want to scream it from the rooftops and cry and spew my venom all over this pretty little blog and then ask you PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR ADVICE.
TELL ME WHAT TO DO I AM FUCKING DROWNING HERE.
But then there are those dudes with the white coats to contend with, and my stamina is significantly reduced of late.
I want to rail at the world and say nasty things but then I have to deal with the fall out of saying such things in the eyes of JUST THREE FUCKING PEOPLE.
How the fuck do you do it?
How to you write what you write on the internetz and then just go on with life like nothing happened and see your parents and the bitches at the school gate and the chick at the supermarket and the dude who delivers your parcels from the PR companies, when they know that just yesterday you were talking about ending it all with that bottle of pills in the back of your cupboard or that you are sexually frustrated or you forgot to feed your kids yesterday or that your husband has a trace on your phone and knows when you are on the computer and when you aren’t and then will call you and be all ‘why are you sitting out the front of Boo’s your childs school googling eyebrow waxing’?
Seriously?
How does this shit not come back and bite you in the dimpled arse and people still speak to you?
I really want to know.
{ 62 comments… read them below or add one }
You buy some chooks and blog about them instead.
Frogdancer´s last [post] ..I start tomorrow.
They would probably contract some rare disease and I would catch it from them. Heh.
You don’t say stuff.
Honestly Kel it is a balancing act.
I couldn’t write about how Mum’s cancer was breaking my heart because Mum read my blog and I didn’t want to make her cry. Some of the comments on one of Von’s posts made mum cry because everyone was acting as if Mum was already dead.
Von and I have had terrible personal repercussions from our blogs, not so much from what we have written but from what has been written in the comments.
When Mum was dying one of her colleagues gave everyone at the local council my blog address. I live in a small rural community and suddenly everyone could read my blog. I got lectures from the lady at the local post office also a council bignob about how I was being conned by all those people on the internet. Other people chastised me asking me , What did I think I was doing writing all that stuff ON THE INTERNET.
There are always repercussions and I think very very carefully about what I write. But sometimes the words just drip out of my fingers onto the keyboard and I press publish and go fuck it.
kim(frogpondsrock)´s last [post] ..Sunday Selections #54
And when I say terrible repercussions, this was after Mum had died and the vitriol was so intense that the computer which had been my comfort, literally made me feel ill when I turned it on in the mornings for fear of what would be waiting for me in my emails.
But the not writing was harder. So the words just bled out anyway.
And like Veronica said, Some things break your heart with the not-telling-ness of them.
And now I just bait the stalkers. have little pokes at them here and there because honestly Kel, if all they have to do is look at what I write and scoff and poke fun at my ordinary life, well then they are sad fucks.
kim(frogpondsrock)´s last [post] ..Sunday Selections #54
I don’t care about the anonymous fuckers as much as the people I see and speak to. You know my situation so can probably understand more than others.
I have a billion posts in draft that some times I think fuck it and my finger hovers over the publish button but what will it achieve? A momentary release. Perhaps some understanding and support from mah internetz? I don’t know whether that is worth the emotional repercussions.
These fuckers only used anonymous pseudonyms thinking that we didn’t know their IPs. There were others that read that never ever commented but stirred the pot madly. *sigh*
Honestly I don’t think it is worth it Kel. The support from “our internetz” is a wonderful wonderful thing. But they aren’t holding our hand when the shit really hits the fan. Love to you gorgeous. It is a fine fine line.
kim(frogpondsrock)´s last [post] ..Twenty Five years.
Yeah – I dunno either. NOBODY I know IRL knows I blog. This is because (I guess) they’d either turn up with the white coats or …. they probably are those people who derive pleasure from my grief (hello gossipy bitches from school and boss looking to see how far he can push me before I break).
Amanda´s last [post] ..Dear Darl, it’s 19 January, 2012
It sucks that there are people like that in your life.
You are an amazing wonderful person and have demonstrated astounding strength and grace since your husbands death in so many ways.
I am in awe of you.
x
so, my mom reads every word i write. which is mostly cool, because it’s nothing she doesn’t know anyway. but sometimes it “worries” her…because while she knows me and my crazy intimately, to see it in black and white is weird. but i just do it anyway. i just fucking get over it and my need for everyone in the world to like me and i do it. it’s like this crazy immersion-therapy experience of convincing myself i am a badass mo-fo no matter what.
i have the added freak the fuck out of being a domestic violence survivor who’s ex is in a federal prison and i use my real name. my real fucking name. about 6 years ago, i was 7 years out and i made a vow to myself that i would never hide again. ever. and so i opened a myspace, started a blog and used my real name. he’s scheduled for release next year, so don’t let me act like i might not go into hiding again out of being a big puss, but it’s been important for me.
that’s my .02. you do what you do, girl. it’s all good.
wow. You are fucking BADASS AWESOME.
x
I guess the difference here is the majority of what I want to write is someone elses story. Also if I talk about the crazy I worry my KIDS. And that is something no one ever wants to do.
21st century. we just going to offend people.
Some things, you DON’T blog, because of who is reading. Some things break your heart with the not-telling-ness of them.
Other things you just balls up and write. Because while the Mums at school might read my blog, you can be damned sure than 99% of them won’t say a word to me about masturbation, or sex toys, or autism. (The other 1% is awesome)
It’s also because sometimes, people surprise you when you’re doing it tough. My SIL will email me after a bad patch, just to let me know that she is reading and that she is there if we need her. Of course, a lot of people don’t surprise you, but that’s okay too.
The first few weeks after coming out are tough.
Veronica´s last [post] ..A discussion about vaginas – seems like I’m back to Real Life
‘Some things break your heart with the not-telling-ness of them.’
This. This is it.
You put my whole babbling mess of a post into a sentence. This is why you are an awesome writer and I am just a lowly blogger.
This is a tough one. I’ve virtually stopped blogging over the last few months. If I had been blogging in an anonymous way then I could have continued. But when a Federal Magistrate warns you by pointing out other people who have had things go against them for putting a comment on Facebook, you get a little paranoid. And I feel worse for it. I would love to be able to bitch and moan and scream and complain and say all the things that have turned me into Anxious Annie, but I can’t.
So I feel like I can empathise. Not sure I can suggest anything though
Sounds like we are living the same pain.
Empathetic Emma…
This is not going to help you a bit but I’ve never really thought of it as a problem to just carry on after writing on the blog. Is that odd? perhaps!
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella´s last [post] ..Sokyo & Meow Meow, The Sydney Festival
Most of my friends and family know about my blog and read it regularly. Some of my work colleagues even come to visit once in a blue moon. I don’t use names and I generalise a lot but I don’t lie. I omit certain details so as not to point to certain family members.
If they don’t like my content – FUCK OFF!
A Daft Scots Lass´s last [post] ..Caption My Photo Competition #38
How do I write about what I do? Depends. I might be satiric or sarcastic, light, dark, brave or scared. I do whatever I can in however way to get the words out. Because if I don’t, it’s worse. And I’ve copped enough flak over the years – online and off – to *hope* (touch wood) I can handle the schoolyard whisperers or local librarians. I’ve never regretted blogging under my own name. The question is: I didn’t have anything to lose. Others don’t have that option. I’m lucky and I know it.
Xx
Karen (miscmum)´s last [post] ..When A Seven Year Old Gets Preachy About Blogging – And What I Learned From This
Perhaps I should blog under your name then?
Heh.
x
I’ve always blogged knowing someone I knew would be reading it. Quite often, on a Friday morning, my blog would be part of the discussion over tea and coffee.
So it’s never come up.
I would like to express more, but safety is so ingrained in my damaged persona that I delete posts on a regular basis.
eccentricess´s last [post] ..Kittens Annonymous
I don’t know how people write their blogs with their names on them either. Not in a bad way, but in an awe inspiring type of way.
ONE person I know outside of my blog knows how to find my blog, and I’m actually not sure they read it. They only mentioned it once, and I’m actually ok, i’d PREFER it if they didn’t read it.
If she does she doesn’t bring it up with me, and I refuse to tell my family or BFF the name of my blog. There is stuff on there they have no idea about me, and I need my place to write without having to worry about lectures from them or “the looks”.
There is still a filter for me though. Still a point where I will write some crazy messed up shit and know that I am never publishing that. I wish I had the balls to. They are silenced cries for help.
Miss Pink´s last [post] ..Hair Dare. Do you dare?
Oh, that’s why I keep things on my blog really tame.
CHORTLE.
I keep blogging the way I do using a mix of heady adrenaline, denial, and a huge case of the fuck-its. You wanna question me about it in the bank queue, motherfuckers? Go right ahead. You wanna ask me about it at school pick-up, schoolie school mums? Feel free.
Everybody looks at me like I’m crazy because I am, in fact crazy. I make them feel better about themselves and their lives. They need me, to stay smug in their smuggy smug beigeness.
Fuck. It. Seriously what does it matter? Not a goddamn smegma of difference. I am so free. It’s fucking awesome.
I love you a million times, Ms Magneto XXXXXXX
back atcha fellow crazy lady.
What you are blogging is your truth. I am not hiding anything… more saving feelings of those I love. When I get a call from Moo 200k’s away worried because of something I said that is when I pull back again. And the thing that is destroying me is not ME, so I feel like I don’t have the right to talk about it. Does that make sense?
PS Most people aren’t smug … they open up and tell me THEIR dark. There’s a lot of dark goin round, but only people like you and me bring it out into the open.
Maybe it’s our job.
XX
edenland´s last [post] ..Naked blogging is dead. Long live naked blogging!
My blog has always been *aimed* at friends & family. In particular at my in-laws, who don’t get to see their grandchildren often enough. So I only write things that I would tell them anyway. Nice things. Funny things. My blog is a happy place (I hope). That doesn’t mean I’m always happy, or nice or funny – or even that my kids are. But it makes me concentrate on the positive. And it’s probably really really EXCRUCIATINGLY boring for people who aren’t grandparents of the children involved.
Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last [post] ..Sleepover success
No one knows I blog. Not that I’m a career blogger after money, freebies or recognition. (It is now a recognised career.) When I was in the last year of primary school I wrote a highly sexual note to a boy… not involving him or I. The teacher saw the boys running around trying to get it off him and confiscated it. The result was a dressing down, parents and police involved so ever since then I am not game to write anything that couldn’t be published on the front page of a news paper. What a shame. So, I very much admire the bloggers than can and do write from their hearts.
you can always start another secret blog and pour your heart out there. Or write it on paper and burn it for release of your hurt and frustrations. I know from your blog that you carry a heavy, heavy load so don’t forget to ask your guardian angel for help. [I'm not into religion] love xo
Well, I don’t blog about it. But I fucking want to so bad! EVERYONE knows I blog, & even so I generally just say fuck it – but there are 2 things that keep me awake at night with their complete & utter fuckedydoodah, & I cannot blog about them. Ever, at all.
One day it occured to me that other bloggers where also about to burst with frustration at their unbloggable.
So what I do do, is allow other bloggers to rant it out on my blog, anonymously. I call it The Unbloggable Guest Post.
Go for it, Kel.
xx
Mrs BC´s last [post] ..Leibster Blog Love
I just started my blog and thought a lot about this before I began. In my case it was not that hard to decide as the things that characterise me make me easy to identify for anyone who really wants to try… I may as well face up to it.
Also, I have asked people not to show up at my house and shoot me.
Many, many people love your blog. Remember that when you get shitarse comments.
Signe´s last [post] ..Egi Master San
Don’t ask me. I write everything and never publish because of the people who read mine who think Tricky should be taken away from me. So I just keep chatting to awesome people who let me vent x
Glowless´s last [post] ..The thirty before 30 recap
I am ALWAYS here for you Glow. No matter what shit I am dealing with. Remember that.
there is a hell of a lot i would like to blog about and i have and have had the repercussions because of it. last year i tried the whole blog anonymously thing changed the blogs name everything. this year i thought stuff it i am going back to being me. there is still things i haven’t written about mostly out of respect for the person going through what they are going through. i have a private blog that only i have access to that i bitch, whine, cry, grieve and vent all of what i am going through on. only go to it though in the bad bad days.
Nicole´s last [post] ..Vegetable Samosas ~ Stay at Home Mum | Menu Planning Monday
I wish I had the courage to say it how it is, not that my blog is fake, that is me, absolutely, but there is more to me I’d love to share, the stories, of the people that bite at my heart. But I am not brave enough to wear the consequence. And I contemplated not telling anyone, but I want to post photos and all that crap, so I figure I’ll put it out there and watch my tongue, no bitching about others, too much!
Mandy´s last [post] ..Sentimental Summer ~ Backyard Fun
A trace on your phone?? Seriously??
I’m not going to be much help to you on this. I could suggest that you start another, anonymous, blog and vent on that under an alias.
My own blog is mostly shallow brain fluff stuff, I just write whatever pops into my head and this works for me, because my life is uncomplicated. Most of my family know about Drifting, but onlt two members read it, none of my real life friends know. I dropped it into conversation a couple of times early on, but nobody picked up on it or asked to know more about it, so I let it slide.
river´s last [post] ..hot in the city, hot in the city tonight…
My blog is about my garden. It’s a modulated way of dealing with heartache and joy.
Secret FB groups are also good.
Chookie Inthebackyard´s last [post] ..When You Have Chooks…
I don’t blog much and when I do I’m always hitting the back button because it’s too much information… but I’m with Chookie… the secret facebook groups are good for spleen venting.
I blog semi-anonymously. I say semi-anonymously as whilst I don’t use my real name on my blog, there are quite a few people in the real world who know me and my blog (damn those expat meet-ups). Like quite a few people here have said, you have to almost censor yourself. I’m in awe of people who can put it all out there and then obviously deal with the real life fall-out. I’m not one of those people.
I try to be as honest as I can on my blog especially since the life of an expat is not one of constant adventure and fun, but there are just some places I just can’t go.
If you ever find out the magic secret to no-hold bars blogging, let me know.
Riayn´s last [post] ..The More Frustration, The Better… Apparently
I told no one that I had a blog for months. And then, one by one, I got found out. And then I thought “fuck it” and then I breathed out. For the first time in years xx
Yeah, I don’t write about a lot of shit, either, though I’d LOVE TO. I typically imagine finding a friend’s blog to “guest post” on so as to write what I really want to say without having any of the people I know in real life read it. Then I write those posts I never publish – either on actual paper with an actual pen or in a file I save on my computer. Its still good therapy to write it all out!
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s last [post] ..Mayonnaise Bread
I am not overweight – my gut is just chocka-block with shit that I can’t put ‘out there’
Not because I will piss off people that I couldn’t give a fuck about (’cause really, that’s part of the joys of having a website) It’s to not hurt the people that I love. By sometimes saying what I really feel. I don’t want my kids school experience affected because I think their teacher, or other school Mum’s need fucking with a pineapple. So I don’t say it.
I don’t call some people out when they’re being cunty
Doesn’t stop me from thinking it.
x
Jenny Talia´s last [post] ..my brain hurts
i totally self-edit. and believe me, there’s stuff i think, stuff that happens, that i don’t put out there.
how about a separate password-protected by-invite-only blog for the big vents?
magpie´s last [post] ..The Post About Breasts. And Cancer.
Does Bum-fuck have a library? If so, join, use their computers. Except for the porn to relieve the sexual frustration. They might not like it, and if you thought people were looking at you funny before ….
What we need is a biatches blog. private. Biatches log in to write, and read. We need somewhere to vent, seriously, we will go mad if we can’t, but where can we do that? I get out once ever few months it seems. My family aren’t on twitter, sure, but my hubs is everywhere. Except google +, but who is on google +? Maybe that should be the venting point?
It’s not healthy to hold it in, all those things the men in white coats are interested in hearing, been there, done that. It’ll just build up, but where to release it without fallout? I just don’t know.
permanently amanda´s last [post] ..Sunday Selections
A few people know I have a blog, but only one person seems to actually read it. I’ve not been writing so much about dark thoughts and feelings with my new site, but I have a few blog friends I reach out to through emails/text/phone calls when I need to rant/vent/bitch. That helps because they have gone through the same things and understand without judging.
Tara R.´s last [post] ..Demon within
I’ve never been an anonymous blogger. I let it all hang out, for all the world to see. And I don’t give a fuck.
I figure if people have a problem with what I say, do, or blog about – I really don’t need them in my life.
meleah rebeccah´s last [post] ..Would You Ever Consider Cosmetic Surgery?
You find your level of comfort and then you flip the bird at any assholes who wants to say something not-so-nice!
Good Golly Miss Holly!´s last [post] ..The dilemma of the unplanned pregnancy and university.
I used to blog anonymously, and then I just thought “fuck it”.
There are things I wont write, because I dont want them read out in court should I ever get divorced, but mostly I am absolutely honest about my headspace and the shit I deal with. Family could easily find my blog and read it, and good luck to them. I’ve given up worrying about what people will think of me, the parents at school, my friends, the professionals I deal with. I figure they can either read and understand that I deal with a LOT of shit, or they can fuck of back into their “perfect” lives. Whatever.
But really, a trace???
Sharon @ Pandamoanium´s last [post] ..Sleeping Angels
Oh fuck, did I really say “family could easily find it and good luck to them”?
the next fucking day I find out my (evil narcissitic, cut from out lives like a festering pustule) mother in law has been blog-stalking me.
Fuck me. sometimes I *DO* care who reads it. And hence, a new blog.
Sharon @ Pandamoanium´s last [post] ..Dear Stalker (or, why you can fuck off now you crazy bitch)
Kel i think there is 3 types of bloggers:
1. Those who say anything, mostly anonymous;
2. Those who say lots, but divulge basic facts about themselves;
3. Those who say anything and everything (they want to) and who they are (usually connected to some kind of online biz which clearly shows who they are if someone wanted to know.
I think you are no.2. I think you want to be no.1, but you can’t when you say so much. However, you want to choice to be no.3 when it suits you, but you can’t. They are clearly different kinds of bloggers.
btw, I think you should be no.3, why not?
A lot of the time there are tonnes of things I want to write about but I can’t because people (mainly my mother in law) read it and I can’t be bothered to deal with her phone calls.
It means that sometimes I just don’t post for a while because these things are consuming all my energy and I can’t write some stupid fluff peice.
Like today’s blog.
<3 you
tattoomummy´s last [post] ..Why World of Warcraft is better than Real Life
Honestly, there are days where I wish I had never come out as a blogger. I would give anything to be able to write without worrying about what my family or some of my friends think. I get it completely.
karin´s last [post] ..Delete, Delete, Delete
Somewhere along the line I just learned not to give a shit if people were judging me. My family reads my blog, my friends read it, my neighbors read it, my children’s teachers read it (!) and yes, my estranged husband who would like to see me dead reads it. And once charges are filed on his case and it hits the papers, the whole damn state of Kansas will probably be gawking at it.
What I write is my truth. Once you let it go and stop giving a fuck what anyone else thinks, you are free. Free, free free. It’s an awesome feeling.
The times I’ve refrained from posting are when there could be serious repercussions (legal, for instance) or when I couldn’t reveal details about my ex-husband’s criminal investigation.
But my own stuff? Really don’t care who knows the truth.
xo
Wanderlust´s last [post] ..Can you tell which of these is worth $30 million?
I started out anonymous, got a semi-part time blogging job and STILL managed to stay anonymous. Imagine that!
I like being able to say what I want without worrying about what people will think. I’m glad that some people can do that no matter what, but I’m not one of them.
Gina´s last [post] ..It Isn’t ALL Bad
I wish I could post everything I wanted to, but I can’t because it would be used against me. So sometimes I just write it because I need to put it down. It’s therapy. It’s my therapy. It’s never published, but it helps me to just get it down somewhere. It doesn’t have to be read or acknowledged.
But sometimes I need to get stuff out there … So I do it anonymously on the blog on one of the awesome peeps I trust. There are a few out there who are willing to host ranty, venty posts. Particularly when it’s something you think people should know is going on out there.
Also? I have a couple of close friends I can talk to and also an awesome shrink.
I do find I have to let my stuff out somewhere because otherwise it is toxic to bottle it all up.
Otherwise you just feel like punching someone and that is illegal!
Maid In Australia´s last [post] ..Sunday Selections: Back To School
I’ve been thinking about this too recently.
I blog with my whole name, my face, my everything.
I only share the names and faces of those who give me permission to.
It is a hard balance. I try not to worry what people think.
With me and my fucked up life i use o care and say “what if the mums at school read my blog” will i be cursed out in the group will my ex family and out laws cast me away etc… So i said Fuck it and vented away and said shit (i have more to say for later) lol…
Then i vented how i felt on my entire family & outlaws and sent them each there links to what i wrote hehehe shit it felt so good in the end . You are free its your blog write what you feel. I was asked the other day in the park when a stranger walkd up to me with hubs and Miss C “Are you Dannie who write that blog”?
I said yes she said shit some of your posts wow! You have guts lady i wish i could say that to my family
She made me smile and now when i write i just type and keep going . If i really really need to be anonymous i will go to a blog that you can be just that .
EW. SEX.
But seriously. I’ll stop reading if you don’t want me to. AND DAD WILL TOO.
I don’t write about people I know, about people who have met me, about people who read my blog, unless they know me from reading my blog and then I only write nice things about them.
All the other stuff? I just figure people don’t really give a shit about what I write, about where I’m at, or many they just don’t read at all…
Have you tried third person? For example, I have this friend who really likes your blog and hopes you find an answer to this problem.
Sometimes I find myself waiting a while before posting about something so that I’m not posting in the heat of the moment; so I have time to digest and gain some perspective. But generally I just try to omit details that would hurt other people, or that is their business and that they wouldn’t want to see splashed across my blog. Of course, my first post ever managed to hurt my best friend, because I set the damned thing up in the first place because I was living interstate and she was a terrible communicator and never replied to emails even though I really needed her to, and when I explained that on my blog she took it as an attack. Ironically, she’s just about my only friend who **doesn’t** read it *slaps forehead*!!!
Plan B – I have a second blog that I don’t link to my Google profile. I haven’t really used it yet but it’s there for when I need it, and I won’t tell my RW friends about it.
Ness [Six One and Then Some]´s last [post] ..Book Review – Murder at Mansfield Park, by Lynn Shepherd
I started out as newsy stuff about the kids for my far-away family, and it morphed several times. Real names and everything are there though. Now, I try to be more ‘private’ because the kids are getting older and I don’t want to have all of their stuff on the internet (like, TEENAGED BOYS! What is taking them so long in the shower?! Wait, Don’t tell me!!) And my blog keeps evolving.
I would love to tell everyone what is really going on right now. It would relieve a whole lotta stress, writing about it.
Nan´s last [post] ..We Really Love Our iPad
I’ve learned to be careful what I blog because my friends, family and neighbors all read from time to time. I wrote a post about my sister voting her bigotry and we laughed. I wrote about some drama with the boy and his dad called to see how things were going. You either have to be ok with your double life or be ok with people being all in the biz.
kymlee´s last [post] ..How a Dream Assignment Reminded Me Where My Passions Lie
Denial, man. I’ve never been one to overshare and it wigs me out that my extended in-law family all know about my blog and read it and when I post a “mum” post like how I don’t know if I should sterilise some shithouse toy my kid keeps putting in her mouth, I try not to pay attention to the probably legitimate thoughts that now they all think I’m a complete dickhead and stupid mother. Oh and I can’t write florid, verbose posts about how my mother in law makes me want to stab things really, really hard, because she reads it, and she has like, eight sisters who all read it, plus her own kids, plus all her sister’s kids and meanwhile I’m still looking for something to stab. But strangers? I’ll tell them anything. There’s only so far I can go with a food blog, though. Still… when I get those flashes of “aw shit, I just bared my soul on the internet”, I swat the idea away and grab a vodka. To hell with the world. They’ll forget about it tomorrow. Unless it’s about them…
veggiemama´s last [post] ..Brown rice salad, and how I got over my fear of.