The internet needs to buy me a house. Single story with a wrap around porch. Double story only if there is a secret escape hatch from the murderers.

{source}

Over the years I have unsubcribed from a lot of blogs.

Some were just plain boring.

Some were annoying.

Some made me want to rip out the bloggers throat via their anus.

Which is pronounced A-Noos in my head.

Bloggers as a whole have pretty fucked up lives.  Hell, that is why we are hiding out on the internet.  A place to whinge and whine and tell everyone your woes cause gaddammit our friends and family that are still speaking to us are all OMG GET OVER IT ALREADY!

Like Country singers, we can’t write unless Noelene left us for the barkeep at our local bar and the dog lost it’s leg in the door of our run down trailer.

Clearly, I don’t listen to much Country music.

Yeah, I have a point.  My point is the internet needs to buy me a house.

Cause it seems that if you want something you just whine on your blog and someone will buy it for you just for the linkback.

Car broken down?  The internet will buy you a new one!

Spent all your money on hosting and internet and booze?  The internet will buy your groceries!

Want a puppy? Yup, done.

Couldn’t be bothered cutting your own toenails?  The internet will hook you up with someone who will come and cut those badboys and then make you a sculpture out of the clippings so you can sell it on Etsy.

Can’t afford to pay your bills?  No problem, the internet will set up a linky fund-raising party in your honour!  OMG it will be So. Much. Fun. Everyone!

Want to go on holidays?  Just name the date.

Raising money for your favourite charity? *crickets*

I make money from my blog.  I am not ashamed to say that.  Actually I rub it in MPS’s face nearly every damn day and be all ‘well does YOUR hobby PAY YOU? No?  Well then shut the fuck up and go and do the dishes and earn your keep.’  I have ‘network’ ads and private sponsorship {BTW wanna be part of my awesomeness and sponsor this blog? I am pretty sure that sponsorship makes you even more awesome by osmosis or some sort of physics lingo… contact me here, cause I have the sexiest sponsors in the WORLD} and while it aint much it is still something and my hobby is fucking paying me SO TAKE THAT MPS and go and unclog that sink.

It is hard to get good help.

When I started blogging my dream was to have someone read and then maybe subscribe to my feed and then come back.  To have someone to share my madness with, cause GOD KNOWS my family are sick and tired of my whining.  So the fact that I am getting a little bit of money on TOP of the community is fucking awesome.

And this brings me back to my point.  It is perfectly fine to complain on your blog, that is what they are for.  It is practically expected to bitch about something or wail that everything is so unfair.

Hell, I will even forgive one very thinly veiled ‘oh I WISH I had this but sadly I cannot buy it because I need to buy a few kids from Indonesia and build up their lung function cause my dog needs a transplant, oh how I wish I had a fairy GodBlogger that would buy me an*insert latest status i device here*!’ once in a while.

But that is my limit.

You keep up that shit and I am outta here.

And I might just email you and ask for your address cause I have something special for you.

Yeah, I am starting an Etsy shop of sculptures of fucking bloggers that think their readers should financially support them trachea’s that have been liberated from their bodies via their A-Noos.

{and before any one gets their fucking knickers in a bunch go back and read the post and realise that I am talking about people blatantly REQUESTING financial support when they have no damn reason to. NOT when awesome peeps get together to help out someone in need. Also, if you wrote about something similar to what I am talking about in the last few days I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU cause I have not had time to unsubscribe from read your motherfucking blog. Fuck.}