Anyone who is anyone knows that Pinterest is the shizz.
But it is also designed – like those horrible fucking perfect Mommy Bloggers – to make you feel hopelessly slit your wrists out in the yard so not to make a mess in your pathetic excuse of a house and be more of a failure INADEQUATE.
For example the Gift Wrapping Station.
WHO besides the fucking DUGGARS or those peeps on Big Love has so many presents to wrap that an entire part of your home needs to be dedicated to that shit?
I KNOW they look nice and pretty and maybe if you squeezed your three kids into the cupboard under the stairs you could have a craft room AND a gift wrapping station but I am pretty sure that Childrens Services prefer your children to have a bed no matter how awesomely their birthday/Christmas/JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE SPECIAL presents are wrapped.
So instead of this:
OMG SWOON this:
I give you the MB2 patented gift wrapping storage of motherfucking awesome you will totally kick yourself for not thinking of it first SUIT BAG IN THE WARDROBE.
Oh look it is a suitbag. How mundane…
Motherfucking HUZZAH! Gift wrapping MOVEABLE station full of everything you could possibly want and more in a convenient zippable bag you can hang from anywhere! Optional wine holding pockets.
You are welcome.
And if you follow my soon to be available eBook outlining my years of experience wrapping method of locking the door with a bottle of wine and a straw sitting on the bed wrapping a metric fucktonne of shit that my kids will just throw to the side and be all IS THAT IT??! before they slink off to their rooms to whine on facebook to their friends that clearly their parents don’t love them enough… while bitching on Twitter about how THE FUCK do you wrap this shit that is all weird fucking shapes and OMG I CANNOT FEEL MY FEET.
Next year I am making a fucking gift wrapping room.
Or gift cards and IOU’s.