I can see it in their eyes.
They look at me differently now.
Instead of an ally we are now on different sides.
Huddled in our bunkers, protecting our own.
A war I didn’t start but I must keep going aiming all of my firepower in their direction.
I know that some of this stems from my inability to do anything about The Big Bad Thing.
That some of my anger comes from there.
And the fact that I wear my emotions like a robe now, the stroke seemingly stripping me of my ability to swallow my feelings and smile.
The teachers, the school, the education department on one side.
Me and my merry band of cobbled together fighters on the other.
We seem to be winning.
Their omissions, laziness, incompetence, DECEIT now needs to be accounted for.
They have to defend themselves to the higher power, the umpire if you will.
The umpire that the amazing people that have held me together have pleaded our case to.
Politicians were fucking useless.
The referees that are usually the only port of call… a waste of my time.
It seems we are winning but at what cost?
I have spent years cultivating a relationship with schools and teachers and support workers. Years of hard work supporting them so they will support my boy.
Now I can see it in their eyes.
Wariness. Caution. Mistrust.
I have become THAT person, the troublemaker, the one with ‘contacts’.
And now they shut down and tell me nothing and give me everything which is NOT a good thing as you would imagine because I am trusting my boy with these people and if they don’t like me, if they don’t TRUST me, they will not go out of their way to make my boy all he can be.
I am floundering because although I know what I would LIKE I don’t know if that is what is best for my boy. I need their input but they sit back and say ‘what do you want Kelley?’ and then they give it to me all the while eyeing me sideways like I am wearing a wire and their job is on the line.
I am back to square one.
11 years of hard work destroyed by one fucking prick who only ever stutters when he talks to me.
Who was only in the job long enough to fuck up everything Boo and I have worked so hard for.