December 2011

Happy New Year. Cause quite frankly this one can suck my engorged male reproductive organ.

Just a quicky to wish you all a wonderful and happy new year. Today is our 12th wedding anniversary (yes do the math people, all my kids are bastards and wear the badge proudly) we were GOING to spend it eating extravagant foods and drinking margaritas out of each others underwear on the balcony of [...]

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I should have taken the fact that we tried to watch It’s A Wonderful Life FOUR times and each time it fucked up before we got past all the bad shit that happened to George as a motherfucking omen.

Like for serious. FOUR times and each time the player fucked up or the copy was corrupted or the FUCKING PLANET WAS MISALIGNED or some shit and the fucking thing died. We never got to the point of the movie which was even though the universe and the world is fucking you over, at least [...]

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Enter title here.

I have spent the last few hours trying to find the perfect words, the perfect image to convey what I am trying to say. And I can’t. I am spent. Completely and utterly spent. Fate. Karma. The universe. Whatthefuckever you want to call it, has taken every single atom of strength I had left and [...]

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Merry Christmas and Happy whatevers biatches.

My Christmas gift to you is an awesome song to get down to while sucking down some Eggnog. Pump it up loud. Ho Ho Ho! Rate this post biatches.Awesome (5) Fabulous (0) WTF (0) Day-um (0) Suckage (0)

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You know what Christmas needs? More cowbell.

want so hard. While I am waiting how about I regale you with more MB2 Christmas shizzlemanizzle? OK! So when I last left you hanging you had only experienced the fabulousness of the themed lounging area where I spent the majority of my time contemplating my awesomeness and my navel and the fucking GENIUS of [...]

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I can’t think of a witty or coherant title for this one so I will just call it I want pancakes and a sarsparilla spider with a shot of vanilla vodka for dinner and leave it at that shall we?

Scene opens to Kelley googling recipes and decorations for Christmas Universe: what the fuck are you doing? Kelley: baking a fucking cake with my feet what does it look like? Universe: I thought you were handing over Christmas this year and doing the bare minimum? That was my ultimate achievement! Taking Christmas away from you. [...]

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The right thing to do.

Last night MPS and I decided to relent and get Boo something he had been asking for for weeks. Lets Rock Elmo. Kid has been OBSESSING about the damn thing and I was all he is going into HIGH SCHOOL and it is a toy for babies and for fucks sake he already has four [...]

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Dear Mr Toy Manufacturer…

Reposted from 3 YEARS ago because clearly the fuckers didn’t get the message. Also I got smart and just chucked the damn things in a box and wrapped that. I am THE QUEEN of brilliance. Wait till you see what I have managed to wrap this year… it will BLOW YOUR MIND. Dear Mr Toy [...]

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Christmas MB2 Style – Gift wrapping station

Anyone who is anyone knows that Pinterest is the shizz. But it is also designed – like those horrible fucking perfect Mommy Bloggers – to make you feel hopelessly slit your wrists out in the yard so not to make a mess in your pathetic excuse of a house and be more of a failure [...]

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gobbity bobbity bipiddy boo there were seven hankies and now there are two

Alternate title: The one where you get to hear my kid quote the wiggles and the crowd goes wild. It is a fucking HUGE week here in the MB2 household. Yesterday I chopped off all mah hairs action shot taken my Moo while I was all ‘WHOA BABY!’ From just above bum length to just [...]