Today I bought fat clothes.
For weeks I have been determined to squeeze into my clothes and as a result I have been beyond miserable.
My skin hurts.
I am uncomfortable.
My hands, feet and face are swollen. Apparently this fluid retention is medication induced.
It hurts to smile.
Almost 20 kilos of extra fat and water in a such a short space of time.
I am drinking more water and have cut down my caffeine and slowly weaning off the antidepressants.
Cause I would rather be crazy than in pain all the time.
I am walking more and decluttering my environment and calendar.
Which brings me to another thing that I am giving up.
Christmas.
I have handed it over to MOTY.
She is NOT impressed but it is about time she had a turn. I am going to wake up Christmas morning, enjoy my family, drive over to her house let HER feed ME, get drunk and then let MPS drive us all home.
Christmas will be all kinds of wrong – like the year I let her cook the turkey and she turned up with a fucking pre cooked processed turkey roll – but I don’t care.
This Christmas season is going to be about good food, good people, good fun and happiness.
And if I am still wearing the fat clothes? So be it.
My boobs look awesome.
{once I get over my pathetic whine fest I will continue with the birthday shizzle from weeks ago… I fucking suck as a blogger.}
{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
Kell, I’m sofa king proud of you. I know how much you love Christmas and how much strength it would have taken to let MOTY do it. You’re making the right decision for YOU, tho all the better that you’re pissing off MOTY at the same time.
win/win? 😉 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I cried when I hit publish.
One because I told the number and two because I have it in writing now, I cannot go back and I have to just let it go.
But I have started decorating. A little. No 14 trees this year I promise.
xx
you could totes do 14 trees if you wanted you know… you’re not putting on the spread, you’re still allowed to decorate 😉
*hug*
Boobs!
HUZZAH!
I was born in fat skin and then stretched it some more. You are beautiful just as you are and many of us love you. I know how hard it mut have been for you to hand over Christmas. So very very hard. I hope you feel more comfortable in your skin soon, Kel xx
I wish you wouldn’t put yourself down so much Tiff.
You are amazing and wonderful and beautiful and maybe you are not model thin but damn woman you are gorgeous.
xx
Love you.
back atcha Kate.
x
All about being kind to yourself. You matter more than Christmas, fat clothes and anything else. I hope you enjoy the relaxed Christmas, and if you don’t then you will have something to blog about…..
LOL, true.
I need to get myself in a better place and if that means I have to be fat for a while longer then so be it.
I sound convincing don’t I?
x
Sounds like a plan xx
now to go through with it without killing my mother.
You are awesome.
I am also trying to lose the same 20 kg that I hate and need gone. WW shifted exactly 4 kg of it despite me adhering exactly to their points and exercise program…. so now I am ignoring their bonus points which don’t help me, and I am Giving Up Wine until Christmas. (Oh God – did I say that out loud??)
…and I am glad that MOTY is doing the food … didn’t she expect you to buy and cook a metric fucktonne of expensive food for everyone last year? With extras for the golden child guest?
You deserve to be waited on like a princess this year.
Yes she did. I love that you remember everything for me.
xx
I wish you were my neighbour so we could sit outside and drink low calorie wine (it exists right?) and solve all the worlds problems.
Be kind on yourself. Clothes that fit win every time over those that don’t x
true.
I was hoping to will the weight off by being uncomfortable.
Surprisingly that just made me crankier.
You are awesome, no matter what clothes you are wearing, who is hosting Christmas or eating precooked turkey roll.
Alternatively I can buy an emergency Turkey and have Christmas at a later date.
Heh.
Can you tell I am having second thoughts?
Ohhh boobs! Gosh I would love some boobs.
So I can squish them together and say to Husband “check these bitches out”
I have no boobs post babies.
… *sigh* I miss having big boobs.
I am pretty sure my gut sticks out further than my awesome boobies rendering them moot.
Too scared to look at myself sideways in the mirror to check.
“Enjoy the boobs ignore the belly”
That’s my motto post baby when I still had boobs and my belly stuck out further.
Christmas. It is a form of torture. Learn to enjoy this more relaxed version and remove some totally unneeded stress from your life.
Had to go back and re-read. Got stuck on Boobs. (looks down) The push up bra is giving my boobs fold wrinkles. Want Boooooobs.
boob fold wrinkles made me laugh till I almost soiled myself.
Hey, embracing u is fantastic. It should be done more often. Check out my bloggy friend @natatree on twitter. Her blog will inspire. Tell her i sent ya 😉
– tork
I’ve been in the plus size Team for a while now…yeah its unfortunately only the titties that look awesome. The rest…well…
Boobs are good, having someone else feed and pamper you is good. The extra boobage just means more of you to love.
and some where to hide leftovers cause DAY-UM every meal ends up in there.
Well it’s about time you let someone else do the work. you’ve been pushing yourself too hard for yonks!
I agree 14 trees is too much. Just do 13, I won’t mind.
Buy a caftan style maxidress, covers everything and is right in fashion just now.
I actually bought 2 maxi skirts. My belly is too big for those dresses, I look 18 months pregnant with obese sasquatch triplets.
I’m fucking delighted to hear this. I’m sorry about the processed turkey roll, but it’s a worthwhile sacrifice.
I might go vegetarian for this Christmas cause I am pretty sure that processed turkey roll is made of raccoon and boot.
Alas, turkey roll happens.
My mother-in-law shows her love with food. She is an AMAZING cook. But sometimes I wish she would just bring a processed turkey roll and CHILL OUT ALREADY! Have an amazing Christmas my dear.
I am pretty sure that is how Da Boyfriend feels about me!
He is constantly telling me to chill out and it is all good and all those words. I guess Moo must be a little like me.
You know I’d love you even if you were four times the size or if you were horribly disfigured? There is nothing that would make me think any less of you… except maybe if you got a cat.
I would have to be completely lobotomised to get a fucking cat. And if I did I would call it Hello.
A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
Good on you for upsizing your clothes. expensive but no more tugging etc. [coming from one who knows] Christmas???? what is that soon? Shit!
cheap shit from chain stores. Cost me less than a hundred bucks.
I am embracing it FOR NOW but not planning on staying this way.
Kel, you are a fucking rockstar for putting this out there.
The weight thing is a circumstance. Let it go, stop beating yourself up about it and go buy some fries.
…and about the trees? GO FUCKING NUTS! 🙂
Onomatasomethingorother
Love you
fucking love you.
x
It’s so much less depressing to just go with it and buy fat clothes. I’ve banished all my ‘normal’ clothes into the garage so they can’t taunt me in the house. So much better.
As for Christmas. I get it. It’s so hard to hand it over particularly when you know they are going to do it WRONG. But some things are more important.
I have done the same thing! The tops that are just a little too tight – that I could get away with wearing but I don’t feel 100% comfortable in – are hanging in the spare room wardrobe and the rest at in garbage bags hidden away so they can’t scream at me OMG YOU FAT BITCH LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOURSELF!
And no one said that Christmas HAS to be 25 December anyway… I can always do it again. Right?
Ohmigawd! Please just relax and let Christmas happen to YOU! -You don’t need to happen to it! I truly believe that’s the way it is supposed to be.
Enjoy, honey!
I want to come to your house for Christmas, holding a pre-cooked processed turkey roll. I’d jump in your hallway and pretend I’m beating it off, and end with a fake cumshot.
That’s how good a friend I am.
Hot boobs are the payoff for a bit of extra weight, beautiful lady. You will be ok. I think of you often. We are cut from the same cloth.
A really fucked-up piece of cloth, obviously.
XX
I hope that fucked up piece of cloth is black.
You have an open invitation to beat your meat in my hallway any damn time.
I admire & adore your fighting spirit & guts.
Then to announce you handed over Christmas… Well blow me down.
I get that.
I know that.
I have now done that too.
Since becoming a Christmas-loving Grandma in 1996 the TREE decorating day & night has been a HUGE event for me & the kids who have increased by number to 7.
Now. Not Christmas here again. Ever. Hub not well enough to enjoy/endure. My dad same about traveling here. So, I handed over the huge tree to DD & family & event for Christmas ( not even a meal) to DS & family.
I feel bereft, bereaved but relieved.
With you in spirit.
Denyse xx
My mother never did christmas so it has always been my thing since I was a teenager.
So yeah it was a hard decision but it is not a permanent one, just unless I get my head back together.
You will have a wonderful Christmas Denyse, I am sure your kids will put on a wonderful day.
Good on you for handing Christmas over to MOTY! Just remember to keep some good liqueur chockies at home to share with MPS when you come back from eating processed turkey.
And please find a nice doctor to give you a better class of drug — or liqueur chockies.
MWAH. Taking lots of really good wine.