I still have some AWESOME guest posters up my sleeve {remember if you want a piece of the MB2 action email me a post, a margarita and your credit card details} but I thought I would dip my toes back into the world of more than 140 characters at a time… HUZZAH!
Boo was being a turd.
Yelling and screaming and going all OCD on my arse while I as trying to watch a program about medicinal marijuana as a treatment for OCD and anxiety as a treatment for Autism.
Irony, I am your bitch.
Once the program was over, well I ASSUME it was over cause by this stage he had turned on and off the TV four times and open and closed the door four times while running around the room wrapped in a used-to-be-before-it-was-used-as-soft-toilet-paper white blanket and was doing that high pitched squeal that dislodges any wax remaining in your ear or explodes your brain, I sat him down and told him that this is bullshit.
Well NOT TECHNICALLY.
TECHNICALLY I calmly explained to him that this behaviour is unacceptable and that if he is feeling overwhelmed he needs to use his words OMG SNORE… you get the gist. I am a fucking awesome mother even if I call my kid an arsehole in my head.
And he was all meh.
So I tried a different approach. I told him that today *I* would be Boo.
If he was watching something on TV, I would turn it off.
If he was eating, I would take it away.
If he was enjoying doing something on his computer I would turn it off.
I would yell and scream at him for no freaking reason.
He was horrified.
He said that was MEAN.
He wrote me a list of things I must not do.
Entitled a ‘chore list’
When he handed it to me I looked at him
And back at the list.
And then back at him again.
“I will take your list and I will fart on it”
So he amended it.
And my lovelies, I present to you, my chore list.
Kid is a fucking funny arsehole.
A fucking funny arsehole that can spell capisce without a spellcheck.
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{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
Hugs. Funny and infuriating all at once.
I know! It was so hard to keep a straight face when this list was thrust upon me.
Arsehole.
Good thing he is cute.
I often think “good thing they are cute” about my girls.
Heidi has this habit of doing something utterly infuriating, then climbing up on my lap and snuggling into me like she was a cat and it is too hard to stay upset at her.
I do call my son a ‘little shit.’ When he complains, I remind him that it’s okay cuz he IS my favorite turd. I don’t think he knows what ‘capisce’ means, let alone how to spell it.
we are gangsta.
He is awesome. No other words, just frickin awesome.
like totally.
And not.
Hahaha I love reading about Boo. He is a combination of my 2 autistic Nephews & Niece.
What an incredibly clever, incredibly infuriating little shit! He is funny though. Can see why you love him so much
xx I would have cracked up half way through that list. Kudos!
oh yes… it was difficult to keep a straight face especially considering he was SO DAMN SERIOUS about it.
Ah too funny! You’ve got one smart kid there Kelley.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
if only he would use his intelligence for good instead of evil.
You know for not eating furniture and wiping his arse on bedding.
He is bloody awesome. And I’m going to totally try that idea on C. (Actually two ideas – being him for a day. And farting.)
learn from me child.
Farting ALWAYS works. Especially on their pillows.
Boo. Is. Hilarious.
What an absolutely, gorgeously cute little arsehole.
That is hysterical!
And I constantly get blamed for farts by my kids, even when I’m not the culprit. It’s always “Oh, Muuuuuuuuum, that’s gross! Did you fart?” Me “Nope”, Child “Well *someone* did, and it wasn’t me!”
It’s a tough gig.
That list is the beginning of a book from Boo.
“lists I tell my mum”
Thanks for sharing… Hope he is “ok” now. And you
*Snort*
They only get bigger and louder and write longer lists
girl, he is having a growth spurt.
Save me.
5ft9 and size 11 mens shoes and he is only 12.
Rewrite the list on your own pretty paper but label it Boo’s chore list and hand it back to him. It might just earn you a few minutes peace and quiet.
Aaargh! I’ve just dribbled hot pizza sauce on my clean pj’s!
PMSL. Definitely worth coming back to post this. 140characters wouldn’t do it justice. x
River siad it!!! Is this a teachable moment or what???
You are hilarious. Boo is a genius. That is all
Have you got your “safe” word too? Mine would be “FUCKOFF”!!!!
Don’t you love how incredulous kids can get when you ask them to follow “the golden rule.” Hilarious. Infuriating. Kind of the definition of parenthood sometimes, isn’t it?
I have to commend you for the farting technique, it is the only thing keeping my marriage stable… a threat to fart on a pillow is easily the best way to win a debate over whether we’re having maccas or KFC for dinner.
You MUST have this list made into a t-shirt (but titled “Boo’s List”) and wear it at all times. But be sure to keep it in its original handwriting. I’m sure there’s a way of doing this.
Boo is adorable! Especially when I am not close enough to see what he’s done on the bedding!
fuck. this is amazing. best note ever! I have a huge soft spot in my heart for kids with Autism. I used to work with them a lot when I was a special needs teacher aide, and they never failed to surprise me each and every day with their unique logic. My brother has Asperger’s and I seriously find him fascinating. Makes me wonder what would have happened if I ever finished my psychology degree and worked in Autism research, like I wanted. I could have a stack of chore lists by now
you need to meet Boo.
He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle and smeared in mustard.
Can I ask him questions about the space-time continuum and vaccuum cleaners and how he can spell capisce at his age?
he knew the alphabet at 8 months old.
He was spelling Nickelodeon in stickers during his IQ test at 3.
He can spell any word EVER.
And teaches himself new languages at a whim.
IQ off the charts but severely Autistic. Brain of a genius, mind of a toddler. And a fucking awesome butthead.
Your son is extraordinary. But I’m sure you know that.