I still remember what it was like before.
Before Autism.
Before we were ‘that’ family.
The one with the screaming boy.
The one that couldn’t go anywhere without a jar of Chicken Tonight or my left shoe or a piece of red string.
The one with the kid in school still in nappies.
The Before,
When The Damn Emos were pretty little blonde haired girls in love with the Spice Girls.
And Boo was that boy that could read before his first birthday.
When we were blissfully unaware that the quirks were nothing more than that.
Funny little quirks.
Today Boo made 2 minute noodles.
And after watching him eat them with a fork for a few minutes I went and locked myself in my room and sobbed.
Because in the Before they were one of his favourite foods.
Eaten with a fork.
And custard.
Eaten with a spoon.
And then, in the ensuing years I have no idea how it happened but he lost the ability to use utensils.
It has been a long road.
Getting him to eat with utensils again.
But today,
Watching him eat those curly fucking noodles
With a fork
Just like he did over ten years ago.
Was just a little more than I could bear.
Bittersweet.
Simple things but so huge.
Big step forward after such a huge leap back.
My boy who towers over me regaining the skills he had while sitting in his high chair.
So I sit and sob.
Happy sobs.
Mostly.
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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
I know words wont help much but I hope (((( Hugs )))) & XXXX Kisses XXXX might help a bit.
(((( Hugs )))) XXXX Kisses XXXX
Massive hugs.
you and he are doing a freaking awesome job! i hope your after keeps getting better. xx
When the fuck did you get a mobile site? Teach me.
He does occasionally use cutlery — to spear chicken nuggets before he rips them off the fork/knife to shove in his face.
Plugin. I will upload it to your site in a minute.
And a few others…
When you come home I will get him to make 2 minute noodles… he was so freaking awesome making them and then it was like he was 2 again while he was scarfing them down. You will be in awe of his awesomeness.
I was going to say something but I cant remember what it was. I was just sitting here daydreaming about autistic kids. xx
Wow that’s a big step!
(((hugs babe)))
Red string? Chicken tonight? Am I missing the pop culture reference?
not at all… I should post about the Chicken Tonight (it is a jar of sauce) someday. It is bizarre.
Oh Kelley. You’re doing such a good job.
Hugs to you and Boo.
That is brilliant news indeed. Well done Boo and watching your child progress will bring tears to any mum’s eyes.
This is wonderful! I hope Boo continues with forward steps.
You are a fatfucksonofabitch awesome mum x
You calling me fat?
Bitch.
(do you mean ratfucksonofabitch?)
xx
I get it. I am having lots of bittersweet right now as I watch my 2 year old Bowler overtake 4 year old Batsman (with autism) with some language and social skills. Wonderful but it still hurts my heart. When is it that I get to hug you? xx
Shit. That sucks. And rocks.
You know.
Sorry, wrong email.
(((hugs)))
I told ya to stop hiding Boo’s fork in the damn sweet potato….
Mr 10 now is anal about using cutlery – but they have to be totally clean and shiny, then the right size and shape. And if we have Asian food (or noodles) he has to have chopsticks.
GO Boo , onwards dear Kelley. It’s great you can both celebrate his uniqueness, and his re-newed achievements and still love him no matter what.
I do get this. My son’s diagnosis came when he was 12 and he had a Before too. There are moments when I can see that happy kid again and it does knock you to the floor.
I hope Boo keeps taking more steps forward, and hugs to you.
I didn’t realise that some of Boo’s skills went away again- did he lose lots of things, or only a few? Hope it was just a few! Roll on, on the carpet if necessary when sofa-less.
We didn’t really notice as he developed textural issues and would only eat crunchy things… things that didn’t need cutlery. When I sit down and think about the boy he was, and the little hope that we were given by the ‘experts’, I am in awe of how far he has come.
He is awesome personified.
And a fucking Butthead.
Cheering right along with you about every forward step – they’re all causes for celebration, even if they cause us to smile through the tears. Or perhaps especially then.
xox
It catches you at weird times, huh? And so much is bittersweet. Love you!
I read blog posts about autistic kids, and even the sucky posts make me smile. Because I think of my niece and nephews and all the steps they take back and fourth…. and with this post, it’s the fork. My niece ‘had it’ and then lost it. And now it’s back and she’s a trooper with it. It’s amazing what a fork can make you feel. Awesomeness.
that just made me blubber
Love to you. That is all x
Seems like a small step to anyone who’s not dealt with autism, but in reality it’s not. Good news for all of you, even if it’s bitter-sweet.
Big squishy hugs xxxxx
I’ve nothing to say that hasn’t already been said…just sending love now xx
Oh babe, if I could I’d come give you a huge hug and ply you with Max Brenner. Yet again I am bawling reading posts, must be damn hay fever because I don’t do that touchy feely crap, I don’t. Now where are the damn Kleenex. Big Love XXXX
Yah for forks!!!
Yeah I know the sauce
interested in the red string too. My DBF’s eldest has thus string he plays with constantly. I’ve always thought he may be on the spectrum somewhere, but also not my place!
Huge hugs. You’re an amazing mom
i know exactly how you feel. My son has had horrendous epileptic seizures for years and he has lost lots of his skills, some of them over and over again. It’s heart breaking to look back and realize he used to be able to do something and then it is exhillarating when he learns a skill again.
awesome. you and boo, both.
I don’t even know what to say. Sobs here, too. Hugs x
Oh gosh…what a bloody awesome post and what a slap of stupidity for me after reading it. My boy too used cutlery as a toddler and doesn’t at all now. I never made the connection to it being his ASD as in having to help him go back to cutlery! I’ve just been getting through dinner times watching him eat everything with his fingers, or putting it in cutlery with fingers and taking it off with fingers before eating it! I think it’s time to discuss this with the OTs and work on it. Awesome achievement for your little man and you are doing a wonderful job xo
Yes. Totally.
I love reading your funny posts, but when you write like this, I love it even better. My heart is so happy for you when I hear about this type of achievement, but even more so it really shows how much you care about your son, and the hard work you’ve done. He’s lucky to have a Mom like you.