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No one can rock a cold. Even me. And I found a new form of crack.

by Kelley

in a mind is a terrible thing to waste, lovin' on my peeps, proof yet again that I shouldn't be allowed on the internet unsupervised

I have a cold.

And I am fucking miserable.

It has been a loooooooooong time since I have been plagued with this lurgy, I usually prefer more exotic illnesses that I will not list here as it gets all the trolls riled up if I mention my torn Achilles, or suprapinatis tendonitis, or bulging neck disc or stroke or glandular fever and whooping cough at the same time and then that one time with the whole belly explosion erupting appendix with a side of exploding pus filled ovary…

Ooops.  I mentioned it.

Here.  A picture just for you.

You are welcome.

I rocked all that shizzle looking fab and wearing kick arse heels.

Right now I am sitting here greasy haired (even though I washed it yesterday) snot filled, weepy eyed and with a motherfucker of a headache.

And don’t even get me started on the sore throat and whole mouth breathing thing.

Fuck.

I cannot rock this bitch of a look.

And if I find out who gave me this ratfucksonofabitch fucker of a cold I will be removing their pancreas via their rectum.

Once I get the energy to do it.

PS: some one make me hot chocolate.

PPS: don’t forget the motherfucking marshmallows or I will cut you

PPPS: I probably won’t cut you, but I might cry.  Probably.

PPPPS: did that last one make any sense at all?

PPPPPS: Damn these old lady anti brain fart drugs preventing me from taking cold medicine.

PPPPPPS:  I think I just sneezed out part of my brain.

PPPPPPPS: I just joined Pinterest.  Be my friend?  If you want an invite to join leave me a comment here and I will send you one cause I am nice like that and a little delirious from teh fevah.

 

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{ 35 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Maggie May 18, 2011 at 7:24 pm

HA! I love that pic 🙂 Will you share an invite with little ol’ me? I love Pinterest!

Reply

2 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:11 pm

done my love.

Reply

3 Rah May 18, 2011 at 7:48 pm

your life is complete because we are PINTEREST friends now!

also: now i understand why you’re on pinterest… who knew they had things with swear words on them?!

Reply

4 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:12 pm

you can make your own labels with swear words on them! OMG LOVE!

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5 Veronica May 18, 2011 at 8:04 pm

I would make you hot chocolate, but you need to find a sponsor to fly me there to do it. Okay?

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6 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:13 pm

OR you could hire someone to bring me some.

Easy.

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7 Amanda May 18, 2011 at 8:11 pm

:Passes tissues and a hot toddy:

…and I friended you on pinterest biatch

Reply

8 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:13 pm

asses tissues… are they the same as the bedding that Boo uses as toilet paper?

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9 Nan May 18, 2011 at 8:38 pm

Oooooh, that picture is THE best thing I’ve seen all week. I’m going to print it out and stick it on the fridge.

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10 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:20 pm

It cracked me up for hours.

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11 Chookie May 18, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Try working with the Great Unwashed Public — for extra unwashedness, students — free colds every fortnight. Just had my flu jab this week. Hoping not to get a second round of whooping cough, but that’s the most exotic disease they’ve given me so far.

Though after last week, when I heard/saw a student entering a toilet cubicle while on the phone, weeing while on the phone, flushing while on the phone, and pretending to wash her hands while on the phone, I am sure cholera is only a handshake away.

Reply

12 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:21 pm

we have a woman at work that has a penchant for drinking out of the taps in the ladies loo. Even though we have 7 kitchens in the building.

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13 river May 18, 2011 at 9:36 pm

What the heck is Pinterest??

Hope you get over that cold soon.

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14 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:22 pm

It is sent from the devil. Awesome.

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15 A Daft Scots Lass May 18, 2011 at 9:38 pm

Here’s some hot chocolate *while protecting her rectum*

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16 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:25 pm

I am not tasting it. I am not feeling the healing goodness of the melted chocolate warming my soul… I am sharpening my knives.

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17 A Daft Scots Lass May 19, 2011 at 5:34 pm

Pity it did have the mini marshmallows in it. Och well, my rectum is save. Retreat! Retreat!

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18 Mrs Woog May 18, 2011 at 10:09 pm

Cold tab + a wine + hot bath

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19 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:26 pm

I wish. Old lady anti brain fart meds prevent me from taking any cold meds.

But I might go have spa with a glass of red. HUZZAH!

Reply

20 pixie May 18, 2011 at 10:11 pm

Don’t say I didnt warn you about Pinterest……………..LOL

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21 Kelley May 18, 2011 at 10:26 pm

that shit is crackalicious.

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22 Tat May 18, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Awesome picture! I hope you get better soon.

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23 Suz May 18, 2011 at 10:19 pm

Oh poor you. Be well lovely. And would love a pinterest invite too xx

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24 Tam May 18, 2011 at 11:15 pm

I really, really love that picture.
Also… Hot chocolate.. with Marshmellows.. Sounds really good about now.
Someone also kindly shared a cold with me and my kids. I will be hunting them asap.

Would love an invite to pintrest too.. Please!

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25 Lightening May 18, 2011 at 11:33 pm

After the day I have had, that photo was just what I needed. 🙂 If only I could have an attitude like that…

Colds all round here too. Stupid timing given we’re right in the middle of our own “silly season” (putting the crop in). Feeling stretched very thin and fighting to stave off the lurgies myself (I can feel them swanning around my body just waiting to grab a hold).

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26 Lulu May 19, 2011 at 12:29 am

Please invite me to pinterest too!!! I saw your page via twitter and it looks cool- LOVED the quote page.

Get better soon babe- hope you are feeling tip top tomorrow!

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27 burghbaby May 19, 2011 at 7:56 am

Get better soon!

And pinterest? You’re late for that party, woman. Better step up your game. 😉

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28 bronnie May 19, 2011 at 10:50 am

I already have a sore rectum, so please don’t hurt it. I’m pinterested in pinterest. An invite would be fab.
I would make you a hot chocolate if I lived near you…

Reply

29 Jayne May 19, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Scotch.
Or bourbon…or Ouzo…or margaritas…all medicinal, of course.

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30 Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella May 19, 2011 at 1:36 pm

Oh no babe! I made you some hot chocolate. Sent it in a ziplock to you 😉 Get better soon!

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31 terena May 20, 2011 at 1:35 am

I love that photo!!!!!! Just printed it and put it on the bulletin board by the phone.

sorry you’re sick.

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32 TipsyToes May 20, 2011 at 11:55 am

OMG your awesomeness knows no bounds. You were the second one in two mins to recommend pinterest this morning and OMG it too is awesome. Please please pretty please can you invite me? You already have such pretty things and you are awesome and I’m sure you rock even a cold, cause you’re totally awesome.
If I actually could, I would be making you hot chocolate with marshmallows, and probably some peanut butter and chocolate cookies (cause yum!). Hopefully you’re fever leaves you delirious enough to invite me and to embed the memory of cookies and hot choc LOL
Suzie

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33 flutter May 20, 2011 at 2:45 pm

I just fucking love you.

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34 tiff May 20, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Sick or not…I just… what flutter said because even though I am your minion and will do anything for you I just cant write that word but I can write firetrucking and you will understand what I mean.

Hope you feel better soon xx

Reply

35 Dawn May 20, 2011 at 3:31 pm

That frog rocks. You rock more.

Reply

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