Email exchange with MPS yesterday at work:
Happy Valentines Day!
Yeah, ta, you too (that is me, I am like SO ROMANTICAL AND STUFF MOTHERBITCHES) Hey guess what? Moo might be coming home tomorrow for a visit! This is like the BEST WEEK EVER, HUZZAH!
{this is the abridged version of the exchange. There were some veiled sexual overtones but in code so not to get the IT blokes at my work overheated. The important bit is the LAST LINE}
And then my mobile phone rang.
Ears all around perked up to the dulcet tones of Suzanne Vega.
I am starting to fucking hate that bitch.
It was the school.
Of course.
Boo is sick.
Of-fucking-course.
I was in the middle of a million things at once and just had to dump it all, while calling the doctors cause if Boo says ‘I feel a little tired’ then it is pretty much an emergency.
Like as in ‘ignore this and the kid will end up in hospital woman and YOU KNOW how bad hospital coffee is’.
{all about me, are you even surprised?}
ANYWAY. I careen into the school carpark and grab the kid that is drawing all over the reading recovery teachers whyteboard and LOOKS fine and bring him home to grab a few things before the doctors appointment and whine on Twitter.
Obviously.
We get to the doctors surgery and the receptionist is startled when she hears his cough. ‘This is gunna be a bad one, right?’
Nice that EVEN the RECEPTIONIST at the doctors surgery knows my boy.
You know the boy that broke a bone in his foot and was jumping on the trampoline the next day, or the kid that PULLED OUT HIS OWN TEETH cause they were annoying him or the kid that broke his elbow and the day after surgery was removing the plaster so he could draw better…
Yeah that one.
LOOOOOOOOOOOONG story short, he has a ‘pretty bad’ ear infection in both ears, laryngitis, tonsillitis and bronchitis.
As Too says, Kid is a fucking TANK.
And THAT is why I should keep my stupid whore mouth shut. Cause I was all ‘best week EVER, HUZZAH’ and the universe was all ‘what? Huh’ *wipes sleep out of its eyes* ‘Dammit!’
Fucking universe.
ANYWAY. How does this ‘suit’ him.
Well, technically it suits ME cause when he is sick he is all like NOT stimmy and is all compliant and OMG YOU CAN REASON WITH HIM and shit and right now, at this moment, he is outside washing the windows.
Of his own accord.
I have no idea why.
But I am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth – or in this case stand to close to the germ magnet lest I scare him off before he finishes the wall of windows out the back.
I wonder what he would do if I DIDN’T go and fill that antibiotics prescription…
I KID, I KID.
Sorta.
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Today I sing the praises of the awesome Lynda and here is her website who is one of the amazing people helping me realise my dream of leaving the state urinating in public going to the Aussie Bloggers Conference. Like Kerri, I have known Lynda for YEARS even before I discovered that I could whine and moan on the internet and not just in Yahoo Groups. Thanks Lynda, you fucking ROCK!
Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by:
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
You’ve got to stop tempting the universe!!
Huzzah for washed windows!
I know, right? Sometimes I think I must brain fart on a daily basis.
Or not learn from my mistakes.
Either or… I am still The Universe’s bitch.
C’mon, admit it, you brought this on yourself. You totally tempted the universe and now you’re paying for it with shiny windows. Heh.
ooooh, aren’t we the grass-is-always-greener silver-lining eat-dessert-last little ray of sunshine?
Heh. It rained. The windows are now streaked and I can’t see out of them.
My theory (…that it’s a demon…) no, wait, I figure the blocked ears soften all the UBER LOUD noises that make our kids freak the fuck out.
As for the infected throat and chest infection ….they’re too out of breath and ouchy to shout, scream, or do anything harder than..um…wash windows…?
the ear infections mean that noises are super annoying resulting in him screaming constantly.
NOTHING slows this damn kid down. But a Mummy’s Little Helper makes ME not lose my shit.
As much.
He washes windows when he’s sick? Are you sure it’s not the best week evah?
Poor lad, what a yucky combo to be carrying around. Ear infections *hurt*. Hope he’s better soon… but not until he’s finished the windows!
sending him back out today cause it rained and ruined all his good work.
Considering suggesting how FUN it would be to wash the walls in the hallway…
Poor Boo.
Bloody universe.
After getting both kids back at school this morning (K was feeling much better -hooray for antibiotics!), Universe immediately instructed two birds to shit on both my kids. Simultaneously.
Universe is a bastard.
oh LOL.
I mean… damn.
You know a bird shitting on your head is supposed to be good luck right? Unless it was the bird that flew into my dads shop, around two corners, into the back room and shit on his head RIGHT WHERE he ended up with a brain tumour a year later…
Um, yeah. I am just FULL of fucking HAPPY STORIES today, huh?
I tempted the universe yesterday also. Turned out kids both had nits. Nice. Not.
oh NOES! Nits. Fucking little demons.
Ok seriously, Boo is a tank. I’ve got some eye thing going around and all i can do is sit around and mope and try to force my tear ducts to work so the stinging will stop…and he’s…magical.
eye things are pure and utter suckage.
And yes, Boo is magical. Like a unicorn made of bacon shitting rainbows and chocolate.
But it sure doesn’t SMELL magical. Not after antibiotics anyway.
Yay for Moo coming home for a visit. We’re planning a trip to see our College Kid this weekend.
I hope Boo and the Universe are better soon too.
It is so lovely. I miss her so much and then she comes home and leaves shit everywhere and eats all my chocolate.
Bitch.
Enjoy your trip. MWAH!
That boy is bad ass! And why couldn’t he have each one of those particular complaints one at a time therefore making time to clean most of Australia’s windows?
good point. I guess cause he would lose badassery points.
It takes a lot to slow Noah down too, although he can’t hold a candle to Boo. Dang!
It’s amazing though how when they are sick they are so much more enjoyable. When Noah has a fever he’s almost like a “normal” kid.
I know what you mean. I have gotten calls from the school saying ‘Boo is acting really weird. He is happy and compliant and very talkative. I think you need to take him to the doctor cause he is getting sick’
Heh. Autism, what a motherfucking RIDE!
I remember saying once ‘Well the docs said we can’t conceived so lets buy a big home theatre system and enjoy the child free lifestyle’. 8 months later Hello Annie
Yeah the universe can never resist that temptation.
Heidi had to get a tooth extracted at the dentist this week, then Annie went and bashed her head on the monkey bars. Not much school for my girls.