Universe: Hey, what up?
Me: You. Stop fucking with me.
Universe: ME? What have I done?
Me: you want a list?
Universe: Don’t blame me, you make your own fate bitch.
Me: Bullshit. Stop fucking with me.
Universe: What do you want?
Me: I want… um… to be happy.
Universe: Define happy.
Me: Um. I dunno. I just want to be happy.
Universe: DEFINE HAPPY.
Me: hap·py (hp)
adj. hap·pi·er, hap·pi·est
Universe: Don’t be smart. I am the universe. I have access to a fucking dictionary.
Me: *rolls eyes* Just stop fucking with me, OK? Go and pick on someone else for a change.
Universe: You are kidding me right? Have you turned on the news lately? Have you seen what is going on in the world? Did you see that poor Elizabeth Hurley is fucking some stupid fat cricketer? Methinks that some other people are worse off than you.
Me: Well the whole Liz Hurley thing is quite tragic. And a little vomilicious. Back to me. Can’t I just have a little bit of happy for a change? Some good fortune, a little less suckage?
Universe: *muttering* I think someone just needs a little perspective.
Me: I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
Universe: *smirking* define happy…
Me: Let me get back to you. *wanders off muttering about the universe being a fucking arsehole and having to do EVERYTHING*