Yesterday I discovered that I fail as a mother.
Like BIG TIME.
I should hand in my resignation and mop and go and sit in the naughty corner.
Wandering around the internet I saw all the back to school photos.
Kids smiling into the camera with their freshly pressed uniforms and new shoes and bags.
And I went, well… fuck.
I FORGOT to take back to school photos.
For the first time ever.
Boo used the same school bag as last year {well under his insistence} and was wearing the same shoes {in my defence I only bought them in December} as did Too.
And – I am deeply ashamed to admit – in my rush to get us out the door and walk to school before the thunderstorm hit, I forgot to brush Boo’s teeth.
So he started his first day of the last year of primary school in old shoes, carrying an old bag, with furry teeth and NO MOTHERFUCKING FIRST DAY PHOTO.
But I DID get him a freaking AWESOME new Scooby Doo Lunch Box.
HUZZAH!
Wait… that was Santa. Fuck.
I suck.
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In no particular order, today I sing the praises of my girl Kerri and here is her blog who is one of the amazing people helping me realise my dream of leaving the state urinating in public going to the Aussie Bloggers Conference. I have known Kerri for YEARS even before I discovered that I could whine and moan on the internet and not just in Yahoo Groups. Click on her blog and sent her some love!
P.S. If you have donated over there ——->
or privately, please shoot me an email cause I need to know if you want to remain anonymous or have me sing your praises here. {and just between you and me, I have no idea who some of you are… real names and blog names and twitter handles and facebook identities OMG HOW DO YOU KEEP IT ALL STRAIGHT?!?!}
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
This all sounds terribly cool, calm and collected- you’re slipping biatch!!
Meh. Take a photo tomorrow, and back date it. Who will know? Could nominate you for mother of the year, but, that’s taken already. :/
But it is not the SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
You could draw something, right? I mean – as a suitable substitute for the absent photograph?
Little stick man and stick girl – walking with the big stick mama to school … I think it’d be cute.
you calling me fat?
Heh
Meh! Second day of school is as good as first day of school! If you hadn’t told us we would never have known anyways
Did he have lunch in his bag? It’s when you forget the teeth, the lunch, forget to deliver the trombone for band practice AND forget about the parent teacher meeting appointment that you can start to worry.
Not that any of these things have happened to me. *clears throat*
when Moo was in kinder I forgot to pick her up. Too many times.
Oh, that’s another thing I *ahem* didn’t do.
Man i want a lunch box like that, wonder if it would be worth going back to school.
Boo’s so darn lucky and meh first day photos are overrated
I know, right? I want one for work!
If it makes you feel any better mine was back at school on Friday in just a t-shirt and jocks.
Seriously.
No back to school photos taken here!!!
Think about it, Kel *snort*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I don’t want no homeschooling. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I took a first day of school photo of my kids. Once. When they started school for the very first time. Had no idea you were meant to do it annually. And do people really iron school uniforms? Shit, I have so much to learn.
I ironed school uniforms.
Once.
And then I discovered my lifesaver… spritz with water and chuck it in the dryer. Awesomeness.
You’re not a terrible mother. You suck other places. Don’t be so hard on yourself. HeHeHe. I’m wicked!!!
The lunch box is AWESOME.
You’re supposed to take first-day photos *every* year? I thought it was just the first time. Ooops. Oh well. At least I don’t have to iron a school uniform.
I got Pearl a new lunch box (not as awesome) but forgot to buy some food to fill it with… Do I get second place in the terrible mother competition?
I love that lunch box. That baby is uber cool and would go from zero to 100 in less than 10 seconds!
…oh and an ironing save from a confirmed non-ironer … put a few drops of lavender oil in that spray bottle and spray the hung uniforms the night before they are needed.
Then of course, there is my patented line “it got crushed in the car on the way here”.
What is this thing called ironing???
We got first day photos because Heidi was starting mainstream school for the first time.
Didn’t brush teeth though – chucking breath mints at the children while you drive to school makes it okay… right???
I also totally forgot the epipen stuff until a phone call the day before asking me to come in early and sort it out because I hadn’t done so yet. So 8.30am on the day Heidi starts school saw us in the school office filling in a gazillion forms about her allergies and getting her photo taken for forms.
Nothing like being all disorganised about a life threatening allergy or anything.
I always forget the photos. And Mr 8 is going back to school with an old bag and an old uniform. At least this year I remembered to get their hair cut before school started. Last year they looked like ferals for the first few weeks – all the start of the year photos taken by the teachers show my children looking like out of control feral surfy children!!
So this first day of school photo milaki is an annual thing? Sheeze I am so late to the party. I’ve missed from grade 1 to year 11. I did prep photo’s, does that count? Damn it I gave birth to the little buggers, which left me with me with pancake boobs that slap my knees, stretchmarks like Freddy Krugar’s face and the ability to pee myself at every sneeze, cough or change in the wind. And now they also expect photos each year? Pfffftttt!
I never clean my kids’ teeth in the morning. Are you kidding? That’d just send me over the edge.
Onward!
it’s the internet – it can make you feel inferior. This might surprise you, but I suspect some folks use it to show off! New shoes and photos for the first day of school. Well ladeeda. Do their children really want to be reminded of their annual return to incarceration? And what, do their children not have feet (requiring fitting shoes) during the holidays? And how are their teeth going to build up immunity or self esteem if the hypervigilant Moms are constantly brushing them?
I want a Scoobie lunch box like Boo’s.
You’re NOT a bad mother for forgetting to take a fucking photo or brush Boo’s teeth. We simply can’t remember every muthafucking thing on earth. Oh I know we’re expected to as mum but sometimes I even forget to put my own knickers on.
Shite happens, don’t beat yerself up about it. Only superheros never forget and I don’t see a cape or a mask.
If that’s all it takes to be a terrible mom, I’m right there with you.
Don’t talk to me about being a failure until you have completely MISSED the first day of school! Like forgotten to take your little muffins there and they missed the whole damn deal.
You are, (quite apparently), an amateur at this whole “mother failure” thing. So get some practice in and get back to me with something truly impressive.
In years to come, when people are looking back at photo’s…
Just don’t put them in any sort of order and they’ll assume they just missed it when they were nibbling on one of your cupcakes of awesome.
wtf is this about new bags and first day photos? Oh man, I’m screwed. Move over and make some room in that naughty corner