February 2011

Screaming at people Gets. Shit. Done.

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I have always worked under the assumption that if you ask someone to do something, and they agree, they like DO THE THING THAT WAS REQUESTED OF THEM. You know, ESPECIALLY when it is their motherfucking JOB to do the thing that you asked. And it is really really REALLY hard for me to ask [...]

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UnBloggable.

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When I first started blogging, flush with the new blush of love, I thought all my prayers were answered. Vent to my hearts content.  Send it out into the internetiverse and then find fellow biatches to be all ‘oh I HEAR YOU girlfriend!’ And then I got me some trolls. And everyone was all ‘you [...]

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National Margarita Day? Isn’t that every damn day?

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Because, well… duh. Peeps are twittering me and facebookin’ me and emailing me that today – or yesterday, I am in THE FUTURE MAN, is/was/could be/whatthefuckerver National Margarita Day. And to that I say HUZZAH! And I best be checking my supplies of tequila and lemons cause if there was EVER a holiday to celebrate [...]

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This pretty much sums up my day.

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oh and Fuck. And ratfucksonofabitchmotherfuckerpoobumfartwee. Yeah.  That too. Fuck it. Rate this post biatches.Awesome (0) Fabulous (0) WTF (0) Day-um (0) Suckage (1)

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Tonight I gotz me a hot date.

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Alternative title: Posting on a Saturday night apparently goes against all the blogging laws cause nobody reads blogs on a weekend, let alone a Saturday night.  And to those law makers I will say you are probably right BUT I LAUGH IN THE FACE OF DANGER AH HAHAHA! Last night I went out for dinner [...]

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And THIS, this right here, is another example why the internet is awesome.

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I would be lost without the internet. And all my friends that live inside my MacBook. Because, during those long looooooong nights of sitting on the floor {and then graduating to a lounge chair} of Boo’s room willing him to go to sleep, during the terror of having a stroke, the ups and downs of [...]

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Sickness suits him. Alternate title: Why I should keep my stupid whore mouth shut.

Email exchange with MPS yesterday at work: Happy Valentines Day! Yeah, ta, you too (that is me, I am like SO ROMANTICAL AND STUFF MOTHERBITCHES) Hey guess what?  Moo might be coming home tomorrow for a visit!  This is like the BEST WEEK EVER, HUZZAH! {this is the abridged version of the exchange.  There were [...]

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Happy Valentines Day. I have named a roach in your honour. You are totally welcome.

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Ahhhh, Valentines Day. The day where 20 somethings get bunches of flowers and chocolates delivered to our workplace in public displays of ‘I spent money on you, wanna fuck?’ and women over 25 are all ‘remember the days when it took more than putting dirty socks in the hamper or putting the toilet seat down [...]

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conversation with the universe

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Universe: Hey, what up? Me: You.  Stop fucking with me. Universe: ME?  What have I done? Me: you want a list? Universe: Don’t blame me, you make your own fate bitch. Me: Bullshit.  Stop fucking with me. Universe: What do you want? Me: I want… um… to be happy. Universe: Define happy. Me: Um.  I [...]

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My Face.

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I look in the mirror. I don’t recognise the person staring back at me. Even at rest, she wears a permanent frown. Lines etched between brows that are unruly. Hair that before would have been removed swiftly, now a permanent fixture. Temples are greying.  Face is sagging. Eyes flat. A completely different person stares back [...]

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