Old timers say ‘you must have killed a Chinaman‘ when bad luck befalls someone.
I am pretty sure that might be a tad racist, sexist even, cause ChineseWOMEN would be mightily pissed off if you killed them too.
Anyway the point is, apparently Chinese people are good luck when they are alive and not so much if you kill them.
Hence the saying ‘don’t kill someone from China or they will go all bad arse on your luck and stuff’
Or something like that.
And that is why I believe that I must have killed a metric shit ton of the poor bastards in a previous life cause I would remember if I did in this one and there is no way on earth I would have time to be a serial killer on the side.
And I wouldn’t look half as sexy at Dexter doing it either.
And I don’t have the upper body strength to lug all the bodies around.
And I don’t own a boat.
The reason I think I have been cursed by a million dead Chinese people is everyone is beginning to EXPECT the next drama in my life and eagerly await the next instalment.
Like real life Young and the Restless renamed the Broken and The Mightily Fucking Pissed Off At It All Already.
Without rehashing the shit that is already going down and fucking with my mind with wild abandon this is just what the bowel of the universe has dumped on my head in the LAST 2 AND A HALF DAYS.
Boo’s ‘party’ for making his movie was a bust. Three kids turned up. Two of them were kids I invited. The only kid that RSVP’d didn’t show. (For the record Boo seemed pretty OK with it all – considering they were 3 very pretty girls there to do his bidding while he video taped them – but that morning he woke and said ‘I am so excited! Today is the day I have been waiting for!’ Kid NEVER gets that excited about his fucking Birthdays Of Awesome or the Fat Dude in the red suit…)
Took Boo to the podiatrist. He has NO range of motion in his ankles and needs special shoes and special exercises and a billion dollars spent on shizzle that he will just eat for an afternoon snack anyway.
Our Wii broke. So no Wii Fit for me to release some motherfucking endorphins. Or yoga for Boo that will apparently help with the no range of motion in his ankles action.
And then the PS2 broke. So no Eye Toy to try and make up for the no Wii.
And then Boo’s DVD player.
So he had fuck all to keep him reigned in while my poor BLIND father babysat him while I was at work.
On the way to work, in my car that seems to have lost the will to live and is falling to pieces (latest seems to be something to do with the clutch, revs like a motherfucker and is going from 0 to 20 in 4.5 hours) got a flat tyre.
And then I couldn’t lock it.
And apparently every thing wrong with the car is going to cost a bajillion dollars to fix and I left my last bajillion dollars in my other jeans.
And I need some of that cash for the $600 fine for being late paying my car registration, and for MPS’s license renewal and OF COURSE this week is ‘hand over your bank details and say have at it take what you want for the school fees’ week.
And then everything I touched at work was obviously hand written by a doctor cause NO ONE could work out what the fuck the stupid fucknuckle was on about.
And there were no lolly snakes in the snack machine.
And then I got a run in my stocking.
And that was the final straw so I decided to jump off the top of my building but it was pointed out that I would probably just end up in a wheelchair and then my feet would probably swell and I wouldn’t be able to wear fabulous shoes ever again and that is a fate WORSE than death.
And the part where other people would have to wipe my arse.
I have just set the universe a fucking challenge again haven’t I?