My blog.
My mind.
Everything.
I am posting this from some quickpress thing in the dashboard as it is the only access I have.
Everything else ‘you don’t have sufficient permissions’.
The fuckers have got me good.
Defecating in every corner and locking me out.
At a time where I am struggling to hold it together.
Everything is grey in this sea of tinsel and baubles.
So I will hand over the keys to MPS, and hope that he can get in or at least jimmy open a window and evict these fuckers from my happy place.
And I will work and clean and bake and decorate and try and find my happy.
{I would have turned off comments if it was available here, so if you feel the need to comment give me a corny joke to put in my home made crackers. That would be fucking AWESOME}
Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by:
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I can’t do it.
Where can I send cookies?
or vodka. I have more of that.
B*st*rds. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their private parts, and all their wheels go square at once.
For the crackers:
Why is the sky so high?
I don’t know, why is the sky so high?
So the birds don’t bump their heads!
(Courtesy my first-born, then aged 6)
Hugs, babe. Lots of hugs.
Ok, I am a blonde and I don’t really know all of the lingo or for that matter how the f to spell it!!! But I am thinking someone has hacked your blog for whatever reason? THAT SUCKS! But I love ya no matter what. If you ever come to Vegas you better tell me!
my brain does have the capacity at the moment to remember and tell jokes BUT i almost peed myself watching Ricky Gervais’DVD “Science” the other day. Just a wild idea.
Some very sick and ‘wrong’ jokes on there. if you’re into that.
really worked well when i was in a ‘theworldhatesmeandihateitback’ mood… ?
You must live in some sort of spacewarp where there is an extra high level of lifecrap!
Try some Dave Allen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxo81Ok9Urk
Two Silk worms were having a race. What was the result?
A Tie.
hahaha!! i knew hundreds of these kind of harmless jokes as a kid. but in the wrong language. .. and it’s a long time ago.
good one.
what’s silent, deadly and smells of carrots?
rabbit farts
what did the farmer say when he went out to the paddock and couldn’t find his tractor?
where’s my tractor?
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it’s a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn’t quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;
“Now Compaq! Now Acer!”, my speaker did reel;
“On Apple! On Gateway!” Santa started to squeal!
“Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!”
The screen gave a flicker, he was into my “Ram”,
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin’ to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain’t the same Santa that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive, and added a “Dimm”,
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai’s Power Goo!
He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
“Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!”
What goes ninety-nine clunk? A centipede with a robo-boot.
Chin up, kid. xx
That sucks. This is why I stopped hosting my own blog and switched to wordpress. The hackers really take the fun out of it.
I’ll pour you another alcoholic Chrissy pudd.
(((hugs)))
Fuckers!
What days of the week are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday. The other days are weakdays.
What do you call a homeless snail?
A slug.
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks,
“Is this some kind of joke?”
Man: Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming about my eyes changing colour!
Doctor: Don’t worry – It’s just a pigment of your imagination.
Someone asked me the other day;
‘What’s your pet hate?’
I said, ‘It doesn’t really like things shoved up its arse.’
My work here is done.
Come over here and sit on my lap. We’ll talk about the first thing that comes up.
Fuckers. They suck on some big hairy monkey nuts. And then they can do it again.
In the meantime, share a drink with us “:)
SHIIIIIIIIIT! I feel for ya, chickie! Is it still the same thing as it was some time back, or a new, as of yet, unidentified shithead with a knife to your cyber throat?
ahhh fuckers, need to eat a bag of dicks.
I found you from Around the Island. I love your site. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!
Scene: Trendy bar where the business men hang out
Businessman 1: You look beat. Hard day at the office?
Businessman 2: Yeah. I could really do with something cold and full of gin
Businessman 1: Here, have my wife….