December 2010

As the year of epic suckage draws to a close…

It was a doozy. I thought LAST year was bad, well 2010 was all ‘what up bitch? You ain’t seen nothing yet’ and fucked with my mind and body big time. And it didn’t matter how many times I flipped it the bird and held my head high, 2010 swung me around fucked me up [...]

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Christmas at Chez Magneto Bold.

Well HELLO THERE! I have just surfaced from my carbohydrate coma to bring you a little update on our festive festivities of festivation. Or something. On Christmas Eve there was this baked with cranberry and a small amount offered to MPS before I lost my shit and ate the lot. OMG OMMMM NOMMM NOMMM and [...]

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Merry Christmas. Or Saturday. Whatever, I love yous guys.

Usually by now I have regaled you with tales of fuckers annoying the fuck out of me, my eleventy billion trees and my general *gasp* good humour around this time of year. Usually I have posted umpteen Twitter squeeeeeeees about Santa and chocolate and all the Margaritas I have consumed. Usually I have bitched about [...]

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Today I helped a nun with making rosary beads for her congregation. I am pretty sure that means I earn another life and ten bajillion points. I AM INVINCIBLE BIATCHES!

Well technically I just helped a nun find some bead thingies, but I CHOOSE to see this chance encounter as a sign that I just increased my karma and life points and WHATTHEFUCKEVER to the aforementioned ten bajillion points which I am pretty sure means that I should glow in the dark with awesomeness. And [...]

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Dear Santa.

Hey there. Remember me? The chick that clearly gets her list in far too late or is sending it to the wrong damn place or some shit cause you never EVER bring me what I want even when I was five and made it abundantly clear that I did not fucking want underwear and batteries [...]

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Last day

Today was the last day of school for the year. Today was a day full of tears. This morning I dropped off a letter and a box of chocolates to the Vice Principal who is moving on, a man who has delighted in my boy for the last 5 years and has been one of [...]

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Irony is ironic. Or just co-incidental.

I just spent the last few hours cutting out tiny letters to make an eye chart for my brother while going cross-eyed and thinking I just may need a new prescription for my old lady glasses all the while the phrase ‘Dyslectics of the world! Untie!’ was going round and round in my head on [...]

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Broken – again…

My blog. My mind. Everything. I am posting this from some quickpress thing in the dashboard as it is the only access I have. Everything else ‘you don’t have sufficient permissions’. The fuckers have got me good. Defecating in every corner and locking me out. At a time where I am struggling to hold it [...]

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Just like that dude did to Kim Wilde… I have kept you hanging on long enough. Witness the humiliation.

I have been bitching about this bridesmaid gig for far too long. And now, I must suffer. And suffer I did. In skin tight lilac taffeta that actually managed to hang like a sack which when you think about it is a fucking FEAT OF MODERN ENGINEERING. My boobs were squashed, my stomach looked like [...]

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And just like Ninja, it was gone in a blink of an eye.

Today was International Day of the Ninja. And I missed it. In my body screaming blue murder on two hours sleep after too many bottles of red wine after standing in the sun for four billion hours and the stupid motherfucking clear straps on my ugly arsed bra rubbed my delicate flesh until a blister [...]