Yes, Samuel, a motherfucking PLANE.
I was driving along, music up loud for some desperately needed sing really sad songs really damn loud therapy, the back roads to the hospital to pick up Boo’s Xrays that they FINALLY found after his surgery last week.
When out of the corner of my eye I saw an aeroplane.
No biggie, I was driving near the airport, so you would expect there to be planes wanting to land in the general vicinity.
I go back to singing and my brain is going ‘Hang on a second Kelley, doesn’t that plane look a little LOW to you?’
‘Oh piffle’ I say to myself. ‘Shutup, I am coming up to the good bit of this song where I can sing really really loud and totally off key but pretend that I should be on Australia’s Got Talent.’
But my brain is all ‘OMG LOOK KELLEY LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKING PLANE!’
And that is when Singing Kelley realised that yeah, perhaps that plane was a little bit low and turned into SCREAMING KELLEY who slammed on the brakes just as the plane flew right in front of her car.
Seriously biatches, if I had not braked at that very second there would have been landing gear firmly inserted into the side of my head.
And that would have been like, BAD, cause I just washed my hair and it is looking all pretty and bouncy and shit.
The burning question is: Were there any motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane? Probably. I was too busy worrying about my hair to take any notice.
{ 47 comments }
Er…I hate when that happens?
LOL. Yeah, it is rather inconvenient. Almost had to change my pants. And then I would have totally had to change my shoes and that would be a catastrophe.
Holy sheep shit, Batgirl!!!
Thank Bob you’re still with us.
Cos if you’d had landing gear non-surgically inserted there’d a pissed off angel stalking that pilot right about….now.
.-= Ro´s last blog ..I am soooooo bad at mummyhood =-.
Thank Bob? Is THAT who I should be talking to to get fucking Murphy off my back? Do you have his number?
WTF? There must have been snakes on that plane.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..Gluten Free On Sale =-.
That will forever be a mystery. But I hope there was and they bit him in the nuts and his nuts swelled to the size of yoga balls and scraped on the ground and gave him a nasty case of gravel rash that became infected and pus filled and the pus exploded all over his sheets while he was sleeping and then the sheets stuck to him and his body was covered in dried pus and when he got in the shower there was no body wash.
Clearly, I am a little pissed off.
Christy Mighty, what’s with that? Planes are playing chicken with cars now? Dayum, glad to hear your hair is still pretty. I bet that got your mind off it for a bit. xox
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..This week =-.
Bastard had a death wish if he was trying to play chicken with a woman doing sad song singing therapy.
Are you gunna be on the news??
“A gorgeous woman and her equally gorgeous hairdo had a lucky escape today when her car was almost run off the road by an escaped plane. Lucky for her, she is awesome and managed to brake in time so as not to bedraggle her awesome hairdo. The plane is still believed to be on the loose and is to be considered armed and dangerous. Police are warning the public not to approach the plane, but to call Plane Control Officers who have the training to deal with rogue planes such as this one.”
.-= Gnometree´s last blog ..SWF 4-3 The end of the day =-.
bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaa
OMG I love you.
Sounds like there were snakes *flying* the plane. They like to keep their bellies close to the ground, you know.
So glad the hair is still pretty and bouncy. I hope you are too
.-= Kate @ UpsideBackwards´s last blog ..Times tables =-.
ahhhhh, didn’t think of that.
Motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane.
You do know that if you were in the States, you’d sue for millions for all the ‘emotional stress and trauma’ you are now suffering. For sure, you’d be so traumatised, you’d be ‘unable to work, sleep, or eat’ and only ‘substantial financial compensation for the emotional, pschological and physical stress’ would help ‘resolve these issues’.
Oh, and BTW: WTF?
.-= WarsawMommy´s last blog ..Tribute To Creative Moms I Am Not One Of Them =-.
and in Australia the pilot would be all ‘WHAAAAAT? You’re OK, stop your bitchin’ and suck it up princess. Wanna go out for a beer?’
You do know that if you were in the States, you’d sue for millions for all the ‘emotional stress and trauma’ you are now suffering. For sure, you’d be so traumatised, you’d be ‘unable to work, sleep, or eat’ and only ‘substantial financial compensation for the emotional, psychological and physical stress’ would help ‘resolve these issues’.
Oh, and BTW: WTF?
.-= WarsawMommy´s last blog ..Tribute To Creative Moms I Am Not One Of Them =-.
Kelley, you’re not supposed to take shortcuts across the airfield, you have to stay on the roads. Planes don’t like sharing their takeoff and landing lanes, no matter how pretty your hair may be.
.-= river´s last blog ..eeny meeny miney =-.
But I didn’t! I was driving on the ROAD next to a paddock that is next to the runway. Stupid pilot doesn’t know a runway from his arse.
How fucking rude? I mean….the ‘do’ people! The ‘do’! WTF is wrong with you, Bruce?
I hate it when low-flying aircraft try to Kamakaze you…geezo.
.-= Gilz´s last blog ..Pun in the Oven =-.
I know, right?
Maybe he recognised me from my twitter avi and was all star struck… *snort*
Crikeys! (I’m trying to curb my swering since my youngest said “How the fuck would I know?” at her Kinder teacher today when she was asked if she would be better for Kinder next week after missing school today. We saw the teacher while picking the other two ferals up) (long sentence there) That would have been flipping scary, and rather inconvienient for all involved. I hear areoplane fuel is a bastard to get out of your clothes. Glad you are ok
bwaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa! That made me laugh so hard I think I cracked a rib. Sending you the bill…
*Aeroplane, fucking wordpress not correcting my spelling.
.-= Toni´s last blog ..The Joy of It All… =-.
heh. I saw ‘areo’ and thought ‘areola’ cause I am freaky dirty like that.
“Slutty” is the word you are thinking of
Although I out slutted you in the husband stakes….hehe
And I am sorry, I can’t accept your bill for a cracked rib..I can offer you a prescription of Cement, water and gravel tho…hahahaha!
(I’m gonna get hate mail. I’ll get the kid on to them, she can tell them where to go)
.-= Toni´s last blog ..The Joy of It All… =-.
Holy shit! Glad you’re ok!
.-= Marylin´s last blog ..Temporary Post Used For Theme Detection b164c92c-7c48-4925-a1b7-5d9c79f7e7fe – 3bfe001a-32de-4114-a6b4-4005b770f6d7 =-.
heh, I am kinda glad too. ESPECIALLY seeing I am quite fond of my car. And my head.
Sweet Jesus!
You know what, this doesn’t happen to everybody. I think you could do with some sort of spiritual energy change, some sort of luck shirft. Go get smudged, or prayed over or washed in a cleansing magic magic well or something! Bring in the good! No more planes! Or snakes!
.-= Jo´s last blog ..compulsive divulgence =-.
I am pretty sure immersing myself in the waters of Fiji would disperse all the bad mojo.
You offering to fund it?
Sigh, I wish. I could possibly stretch to a bottle of mineral water…
.-= Jo´s last blog ..compulsive divulgence =-.
Goood lord no – not yoru hair! Stupid pilots these days….
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Dear Darl- it’s August 18 =-.
Yoru hair? Is that a type of Pokemon?
I am pretty sure it is.
Or some porn thing. You dirty bird.
Yeaahhhhhh baby … Yoru hair is teh sexxxxxxxy
(sorry – I can’t type for shit)
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Dear Darl- it’s August 18 =-.
wtf?
eom.
.-= Fiona´s last blog ..31 Photos in 31 Days Day 19 Back at Work =-.
oh LOLZ. That is the ONLY time I have seen EOM outside of work…
Used to use it all the time on the old Yahoo group I was in when i played Neopets….
erm.
end of confession?
.-= Fiona´s last blog ..Keep Politicians out of your Bedroom =-.
Co-Pilot: “Pull up!! PULL UP!!”
Black Box System: “pull up. pull up.”
Pilot:”Oy Mate!!! Look at that fucking hair, would ya ? Let’s go ’round and take another look, shall we?”
Co-Pilot: “Not on your life, Barnaby.”
Black Box System: “your destination is straight ahead. you are at your destination. please make the first legal u-turn. where the fuck are you going Buck Rogers.”
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Now what =-.
Faaaaaaaaaark!! You are owed some seriously miraculously awesome shit happening to you in the near future, seriously. Although, I suppose not having a plane’s landing gear puncture your skull is pretty awesome.
x
.-= Ali´s last blog ..My immune system is an arsehole =-.
HOLY HELL! That would have made me pee myself.
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Still we remain =-.
You’ve finally interrupted the space time continuum with your awesomeness! At least that’s what the plane symbolized in Donnie Darko… Pay attention to what Boo’s therapist says, only he knows what the future holds. Lol.
OHMIGAWD! Did you get the license plate number?
.-= Krissa´s last blog ..Another Amberen update… just cause I CAN! =-.
That just sucks. Now anything that anyone else, in the world, has to say will just not be anywhere near as awesome because none of us got almost sideswiped by a plane.
.-= 12ontheinside´s last blog ..Got to Get Away =-.
Mmm, aeroplanes… I think the pilot Owes You. I’m not sure if you’d want a joyflight with someone that incompetent, though.
.-= Chookie´s last blog ..How to Prune a Quince Tree and How to Treat Scale =-.
There you go, attention seeking again. Think of the media you’d have got if you hadn’t braked.
.-= spotrick´s last blog ..Things that confuse- RSS =-.
Why are there no pics of your wonderful hair? I mean, C’MON. Pics or it didn’t happen, and such.
(Please note: I do not require pics of the plane. That part of the story I totally believe.
)
.-= burghbaby´s last blog ..Whichever =-.
There’s an airport near me where that happens but they have special orange lights that come on when a plane’s coming in to avoid the whole landing-gear-embedded-in-skull conundrum… I’m quite glad now… um… well done for stopping!
Cheers
BC
.-= Babychaos´s last blog ..Hmm… =-.
holy moly!! WTF was it doing on the road?
.-= Jenty´s last blog ..A new pet project =-.
Good lord, girl. You have way too much fun.
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