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Of broken blogs, cakes that kill, ninja, pirates and a sexy man wearing a towel and an eyepatch.

by Kelley

in a mind is a terrible thing to waste

No doubt you have seen my last post where I told the tale of awesome skillz and dexterity that brought a sad little hacker to his bony little knees and I emerged triumphant after an inconvenience more inconvenienceable than finding a large blind pimple on your arse just minutes before boarding a bus for a 12 hour ride.

But I stand before you here, my arms raised bellowing a HUZZAH probably a little more gleefully than the situation demands, but HUZZAH nonetheless.

I could be a little delirious.

And what, pray tell, could have brought about this deliriousness?

How about a cake that tried to kill me?

Oh yes, my lovelies a cake had me eyeing off the razor sharp knives and I was only stopped by the fact that I didn’t think I would have time to finish it AND clean up the mess before I bled out.  Cause you know if I didn’t clean it up future generations would find that half finished cake of doom and pools of dried blood in an archaeological dig and be all ‘OMG WE FOUND PROOF OF KELLEY TEH AWESOMES EXISTENCE!  And then take my blood and make little Kelley’s which would only be half as awesome OBVIOUSLY I don’t need to point that shit out to you do I?

Yes, I have had some painkiller medication.  Why do you ask?

Let me take you back to when this all started.  On Thursday.

On Friday I was sitting at my desk deleting all my emails (yes FRIDAY, I know I said Thursday but I WILL make a point.  I promise) when I saw a meeting request for Monday 19 July.

Hmmm, I say to myself, what is on 19 July OMG MOTHERFUCKER IT IS MOTY’S BIRTHDAY!  I had totally forgotten.  And then it dawned on my WHY she was so nice to me the day before.  On THURSDAY (see?  I am like an epic story teller).

I was in the bathroom doing bathroomy things when the doorbell rang and then I heard the door open and someone walk down the hall calling me.  I ceased doing bathroomy things and ran out to find MOTY in the kitchen, I went to wash my hands and when I came back she was gone.

And the lazy susan I wanted for cake decorating on the kitchen table.

Shit.  She is OBVIOUSLY pissed.  I am gunna pay big time for that.

Then when she got home she rang and APOLOGISED for leaving so abruptly and did I see the lazy susan she left me for my cake decorating?

Back to Friday.  It slowly dawned on me.  She was NICE.  She dropped off the lazy susan.  She allowed my Dad to watch Ace of Cakes AND Cake Boss and record and burn copies onto DVD for me.

She wanted a birthday cake.

Like a BIG DEAL birthday cake and she would be bringing over various relatives to show them my cake decorating skillz.

So that is how I managed to be hosting MOTY’s birthday party and drop everything to battle with a cake that was clearly EVIL.

The battle started at 9am Saturday morning.  And after fuck ups of biblical proportions, a metric butt load of fondant – 90% of which ended up in the bin – a cake that split down the middle forcing me to completely redesign it AFTER it was iced, I finally had something that kinda sorta had a passing resemblance to cup of tea.  Around 11am Sunday.

But I am VERY happy with the ‘sugar cubes’  they were full of teh awesome.

Needless to say MOTY was very happy with it, the relatives gobbled down half of the buttercake with lemon butter and cream cheese frosting and then all promptly went into sugar comas while MOTY snaffled the remaining half of the cake, turned it cut side down and declared it a ‘Half cup of tea’ that she would serve to her friends tomorrow.

And you KNOW she is gunna take credit for it.

I can’t cut a break.

So I deserve a little man candy after battling hacker fuckers, crazy relatives, 10 hours standing in the kitchen making one barely passable cake and random housework shit.

Man Candy who’s voice leaves me shaking at the knees and drooling on my keyboard, talking about Ninja, Pirates while wearing an eye patch and a towel.

youtube clip embedded feedbiatches

I may or may not just spent the last hour watching Mustafa on YouTube.  I am pretty sure I need a towel down.

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Marita July 18, 2010 at 10:56 pm

The cake looks fabulous. I’m noticing a trend at birthday parties we’ve been to this year – either super fab. cakes or donut towers. It is a little intimidating to see all these amazing cakes and try to compete.

Really at the end of the day (or digestion) it all turns out the same.
.-= Marita´s last blog ..School Snack Sunday – Jelly Slice =-.

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2 amandab July 18, 2010 at 11:10 pm

Puts anything I could do to shame. If people rocked up to my house and saw it I would be queen of the cake-baking world!

So, wanna come to my house and bake for me so I can pass it off as my own? I will have booze! 😛
.-= amandab´s last blog ..A Fool and His Honey by Charlaine Harris =-.

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3 Nicole July 18, 2010 at 11:14 pm

i loves that cake..
loves it………..

totally blogging it and sending them over here to read about your awesomeness.

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4 Trish July 18, 2010 at 11:37 pm

I am in awe of that awesome cake …been watching …err all night to see it …amongst other things lol.
I didn’t even get a cake on my birthday.
Damn I forgot to buy the Old spice …
.-= Trish´s last blog ..Pick more daisies =-.

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5 Fiona (Ms Fifikins) July 18, 2010 at 11:46 pm

I think I need to find out about this fondant stuff. It looks like the stuff you put on top of the almond stuff on top of Christmas/Wedding etc cakes. In a block in the icing section pink packet? Am I right? I usually stick to butter cream. Yes, even in this climate. Sigh.
.-= Fiona (Ms Fifikins)´s last blog ..096- Send 25 Post Cards via PostCrossingcom =-.

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6 Jayne July 18, 2010 at 11:59 pm

So, you’re the original sugar-tits Mel was referring to? 😛
.-= Jayne´s last blog ..Historic blatherings around the traps =-.

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7 Ro July 19, 2010 at 12:01 am

Love the cake, just as much as I lurve my cups of tea.
Done, you’re booked to cater for my next diabetic coma party.
Starting in 5…4…3…2….
.-= Ro´s last blog ..Gluten- dairy and sugar free Chocolate Peach Cupcakes =-.

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8 kerf July 19, 2010 at 12:17 am

Mmmm,going to have to find yourself a recipe for old spice cake,complete with chocolate frosting.And you had better pass around the invitations girlfriend.

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9 Gilz July 19, 2010 at 12:48 am

How awesome is that gigantic cuppa tea! That multitudes of awesome.
.-= Gilz´s last blog ..Alberton Lions 6-0 win against Benoni Northerns =-.

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10 Robin from Israel July 19, 2010 at 12:48 am

You have some serious cake-makin’ skillz there girlfriend!

* bows to the awesomeness *

———————————–
My photography is available for purchase – visit Around the Island Photography and bring home something beautiful today!
.-= Robin from Israel´s last blog ..Summer Stock Sunday – Poolside Revelations =-.

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11 Renee July 19, 2010 at 1:11 am

That shit blows my tiny mind!

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12 Kath July 19, 2010 at 2:30 am

I so reckon it was that journo who hacked you!

And OMG your cake skills are amazing. My mother can’t boil an egg, so colour me VERY jealous of Moo, Too and Boo 🙂
.-= Kath´s last blog ..And so I’m back =-.

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13 Lynn @ Walking With Scissors July 19, 2010 at 2:45 am

Fan-freaking-tastic cake! I am quite the cake connoisseur, so you know that’s a compliment. 😉
.-= Lynn @ Walking With Scissors´s last blog ..Freak Magnet =-.

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14 Jo July 19, 2010 at 2:52 am

EPIC cake. DId I see the words epic failure somewhere? What???

It’s incredible!

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15 Gnometree July 19, 2010 at 10:54 am

I love the Mustafa Old Spice ads. My favourite is the one where he ends up on a horse.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE
Did you ice the cake upside down first? Once the fondant dries, it stops the cake splitting.
.-= Gnometree´s last blog ..SWF4-51 The Lunar Eclipse =-.

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16 Karen July 19, 2010 at 1:36 pm

That cake looks very good to me. And even if she DOES take credit for the cake, people will know she didn’t make it.

I am enjoying the videos of Mustafa, too.
.-= Karen´s last blog ..And Of Course I Didn’t Have My Camera With Me… =-.

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17 Maggie July 19, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Oohhhh Awesome cake! My birthday’s in May. Just sayin’.
.-= Maggie´s last blog ..Lessons in being cooltrust me- you need them! =-.

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18 MaidInAustralia July 19, 2010 at 2:40 pm

How awesome are you to know all that and make the cake anyway? And it looks so delicious. Think you well and truly deserve the man candy …
.-= MaidInAustralia´s last blog ..Road trip =-.

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19 Kelli July 19, 2010 at 5:00 pm

Love the cake & the man candy – can he come to visit me??

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20 ExMi July 19, 2010 at 5:38 pm

beefcake *and* birthday cake.

i am DYING.
.-= ExMi´s last blog ..Making Lists Makes Me Look Busy =-.

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21 river July 19, 2010 at 9:37 pm

“…barely passable cake.”??
Whatchutalkinbout?
That is an awesome cake. AWESOME I tell you.
And I want one. My birthday is on……..
You can just courier it over here, okay?
.-= river´s last blog ..dear reader =-.

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22 Tracey July 19, 2010 at 10:25 pm

Holy hell, look at you go. that cake is mad as.
And what an awesome daughter you are!
Old spice guy will never get old i say. Good Thanks!
.-= Tracey´s last blog ..Its all about the kids =-.

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23 Burgh Baby July 20, 2010 at 3:50 am

The cake was purdy, my Mustafa? Mmmmhmmmmm. I’ll take two.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..Dear Comcast- Fix My Internet or Im Leaving Her in Your Office on a Day that Shes Starving and Needs a Nap =-.

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24 Kristin (Wanderlust) July 20, 2010 at 5:14 am

I am in awe, you’re the woman. I could never do something like that, I lack the cake skilz. I did make someone happy once by putting icing on my… oh, never mind.
.-= Kristin (Wanderlust)´s last blog ..Im sticking with thundercyclone =-.

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