June 2010

I opened the door and all of Boo’s dreams came true.

Today I had a meeting with my OMGNOTANOTHER new case manager. Apparently because I am so easy going and lovely and kind and just plain fucking awesome my new case manager (well technically Boo’s new case manager but if she talked to Boo he would be all ‘spend the money on French Fries and buying [...]

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Now I know they are fucking with me.

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Today is the first day of school holidays. It was also -3 when I left for work. And probably less when I dropped MPS off at the bus stop without a jacket. What? I am not his fucking mother. Pretty much the entire car park was covered in fog as I carefully made my way [...]

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Discussion with my brain.

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Ever since the stroke my memory sucks. I used to pride myself on my ability to remember EVERY GODDAMN THING and run my house with military precision. Boo had a million appointments all categorised in my head, never needing a diary or a calendar or reminder emails. ( I love you Google Calendar) I knew [...]

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I am teh sexy.

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The sexiness just ooooooooozes from every pore. You wish you were as damn sexy as me. I am beating men, women, random woodland creatures, off with a stick. Exhibit one: Swollen eye. Oh biatches, it was WAAAAAAAAAAY more hornarific yesterday when it was almost completely closed over and I met Too in the hallway and [...]

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A single bogan ranga atheist migrant woman from South Australia is now our Prime Minister. Break out the tracky pants and ugg boots people.

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HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS! So last night I was innocently surfing for porn homemaking ideas when I flicked over to Twitter and saw it was going in-fucking-sane. I stayed up late hitting refresh refresh refresh and flicking channels. This morning speculation was rife. Will we have a female Prime Minister by the end of the [...]

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The fifties housewife is BACK!

RoboBoot is banished to the back of the cupboard. The dishwasher is back so MPS can stop fucking bitching about doing the dishes. And you can call me Alice I am rocking the apron and double choc chip cookies are baking, dinner is bubbling away, the laundry is washed folded and put away and the [...]

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On time.

I hate being late. I am the kinda girl that if you say ‘be here at 4′ I will be pulling up in your driveway just as the top of the hour news is starting. Or waiting around the corner UNTIL the clock strikes 4. I hate people being late. MPS is terminally late. Terminally [...]

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I am nothing if not consistent…

Today being Monday/Tuesday/whatever means I am spreading the joy over at Craftastrophe. And, yet again I am talking about vaginas. Well you look at it and I challenge you to not think the same thing I did. And then try and do it yourself. I am almost there, but obviously I was unable to use [...]

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Now I am really regretting watching Twilight.

And not just because OMG REALLY? REALLY? I am positive I read more compelling Sweet Valley High books than that shit. What is WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?!? The other night I was snoring like a banshee and drooling into my pillow whilst dreaming about punching some arsehats in the pancreas delicately sleeping with my hair [...]

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I need a weekend to recover from the weekend.

I am inherently lazy. My ideal day is when someone brings me food in bed and I only surface to go to the toilet. Even then I will restrict my fluids and get to the point where my bladder is screaming ‘Go NOW or I am totally eliminating all over the sheets and girl, it [...]