May 2010

Apparently I am de-evolving. And Samuel L Jackson is my homeboy.

I have a problem with my neck. My doctor was all ‘you have blah blah blah cervical spine blah blah MRI come back next week’ but all I heard was OMG I AM PARALYSED LIKE THAT DUDE IN GLEE AND I CAN’T EVEN SING! Not actually taking any notice of the fact that I actually [...]

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The perfect solution to stop people staring at my RoboBoot. Or the fact that I may or may not have my pants on backwards.

As you know, I have been a little distracted and disoriented and discombabulated and that may or may not be a word. But I am totally discaring and disinterested. So I am thinking I probably should come up with something to a) stop people staring at RoboBoot and be all ‘wow that looks painful’ while [...]

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related unrelatedness and my shirt is on inside out

Yesterday my baby moved out of home. It took over three hours to get to her new apartment. We drove over the West Gate bridge twice. ON THE WAY THERE. So essentially, we got lost. I fucking hate bridges. I motherfucking poo bum fart DESPISE bridges that go over water. So TWO FUCKING TIMES and [...]

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Circumcised sausage in a gravy boat

It is all ‘I’m on a boat, motherfucker!‘ Skinned boiled sausages. MOTY at her finest. Today/yesterday I am/was over at Craftastrophe. Surprisingly I am NOT talking about penii for a change. Rate this post biatches.Awesome (0) Fabulous (0) WTF (0) Day-um (0) Suckage (0)

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So, I totally think that the universe went to the ad agency execs in their dreams and was all ‘you need to make this ad to fuck with Kelley’s brain’ and they were all ‘Who the hell is Kelley?’ and the universe was all ‘sigh just do it’. And they did. OMFG.

So I was sitting here sheltering from the shit storm of BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS and next to the spot on the wall that I have been concentrating intently on is the television. And an ad came on. And I was all WTF was that a fucking UNICORN? And I was all OMG was that a packet [...]

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…and the shitstorm continues. Batten down the hatches, I am pretty sure this is defcon 5. Or 1. Whichever is the bad one.

Don’t you hate it when you are sitting there just staring off into space and not thinking about anything {except, perhaps LOSING THE GAME} and then the enormity of everything hits you like a freight train and then the freight train splits open and it is full of murderous spiders and grabby zombies and then [...]

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Distraction.

I have a lot on my mind. A million things swirling around in my brain. So many fuckuperies and fucknuckles and fuckity fuckness I can barely put one foot in front of RoboBoot. Distracted. Disoriented. Disjointed. My timing is off. Time is running away from me. A sponge bath in the sink is all I [...]

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Leaving home.

She is leaving. We are sourcing boxes. Discussing what she will take. What she will leave. She is leaving. An apartment. With The Boyfriend. Second floor above his uncle. Near transport. Near work. Where she has transferred to. She is leaving. We will box up the dolls. The teddies. Puffy the fish that she could [...]

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So now I am totally a geologist. Well on the internet anyway.

The other night MPS and I watched 2012. Never mind the OMG JUST GETTING OUT IN THE NICK OF TIME eleventy hundred times or the fact that the storyline was like every other disaster movie where single dad does good and his ex wife who married the really rich guy realises that she really loves [...]

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Happy Mothers Day.

Today in the International House of Font the celebration of the awesomeness that is me, mother of awesome, was pretty well… awesome. Presents. Breakfast made by an Emo. Glee. Text from a ring in Emo that made me cry. Awesome. So as I sit here, my feet bubbling away on warm whirl massage in my [...]