Alternate title: God doesn’t like Christmas trees.
This morning, after calling in sick cause Achilles was screaming like a motherfucker and, lets be honest, I just couldn’t face dealing with fuckknuckles and primadonnas {besides my awesome self} today, I was sitting on my recliner sucking down a latte admiring my pretty Christmas nails.
Green on my toes and sparkly red on my fingers. Purdy.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement, and I turned to see the largest of the FOUR Christmas trees in the lounge come crashing to the floor.
So, as any good internet citizen would do, I Twittered it.
One of The Damn Emos friends, who was sleeping off the effects of a week of schoolies on Moo’s bedroom floordrobe, came and helped me lift the tree off the floor.
And she Twittered it:
I went back to admiring my nails and Twitter to find this:
To which I replied:
Which elicited this response:
And then the tree came crashing down again smashing most of the decorations and taking out the shelf full of Santas and mini Christmas trees, pouring water all over my clean carpet and disturbing a family of earwigs that had set up home inside the tree.
And then I chipped a nail.
I am considering unfollowing aka_God. Fucker is messing with me. And there are another 13 trees for him to fuck with.
{ 33 comments }
PMSL
shame about the tree though!
Dude, imagine the wrath of the big man if you unfollowed him, I don’t think it’s worth the risk.
Got to watch out for God, he can be a mighty smiting b*stard.
disappointed. I thought there would be pics at least.
And that ain’t God. It’s a minion of Nostradumarse in disguise!
.-= MistressB´s last blog ..Spreading some Xmess cheer =-.
Babe, the Bearded Sky Dude is a’scared of your awesomeness out-awesoming him at this time of year, he’s weirded out over the new cult that worships the Bitchin’ Booty Babe
.-= Jayne´s last blog ..If this describes you…….. =-.
I’m thinking maybe that isn’t really god. Would she really say, “bite me”?
.-= Kel´s last blog ..A Dear A letter =-.
I think God has “Smite” button on his keyboard…
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_bkFIPLIOGL8/SNK2x6kY8UI/AAAAAAAAR-o/zextRwdc3oM/s1600-h/God-s+computer.JPG
Oh that’s nasty. But on the positive side, you need pain relief and it’s almost Christmas, so it’s never too early to start drinking …
.-= dizzymum´s last blog ..Don’t show the children … =-.
Ha Ha, that’s funny. Sorry about the tree and all, but ha ha, that’s funny. Deck the halls with bags of lollies, fa la la la la, la la la la.
you’ve been totally smoted.
.-= Jodieodie´s last blog ..Dear newly inflated readership =-.
Maybe he’s just pissed that you have so many damn Christmas trees in your house?? WHY do you have that many? Did I miss the post that explained that?!
.-= Mad Woman´s last blog ..A Kind of Magic…..all we’re missing is Freddie =-.
my tree must be loved by god. in its blasphemous glory
.-= Fiona´s last blog ..Xxxmas Tree 2009 =-.
Aw, I am sorry about the tree! That totally sucks.
You chipped a fucking nail???? No fucking way!!!
Thats hardcore
.-= Gilz´s last blog ..When I was a Lass.. =-.
Hahahaha So now God is stalking you as well. Fantastic.
.-= frogponsdrock´s last blog ..Sheep are responsible for climate change. =-.
I wish I had the energy you do, to have so many trees up. I’m a total Christmas nerd.
.-= Ness at Drovers Run´s last blog ..New Camera Equipment =-.
I’d start with a few “hail Mary’s” and a generous helping of “our Fathers” if I were you. Can you imagine the wrath he could smite upon you if He were really pissed? Oh and don’t forget to put a couple shillings in the plate on your way out. come to think of it, he didn’t actually say which god he was, so maybe you need to offer a few sacrifices (got any virgins left?), head over to the synagogue, mosque and temple and leave appropriate recompense. Buy some incense for the Krishnas up the road, do whatever those Bushido dudes require, and finally buy a membership ticket to the football club of your choice (AFL is a religion isn’t it?). Damn, forgot the druids. Do they have gods? Crap, there’s all those Norse dudes chucking thunderbolts everwhere. Bugger, I forgot about Ra and his cronies over in Pyramid land. Man, it’s starting to sound too hard. Run and hide Kel, I don’t see any other way.
.-= Gnometree´s last blog ..And another thing… =-.
God is following you too? He found me and I’ve been too scared to say anything in case he started with the smiting here. I’m not sure if I could take any smiting. (Although with one horse smashing her water container, the other one cutting her foot open, neither kid sleeping and the general lack of holiday cheer, I wonder if he hasn’t already.)
.-= Veronica´s last blog ..The Wedding =-.
Oh Kelley, I thought we had a deal? You bloody humans, so noisy on a sunday, its meant to be my day of rest not yours. Lazy fuckers.
Sorry though, that second smiting wasnt meant for you. Your neighbour was being noisy during naptime. I was sleepy and got you instead. I never wanted to disturb the innocent earwigs.
Don’t do half-ass. If you’re going to ‘unfollow’ go all the way and ‘block/report as spam.’
.-= Tara R.´s last blog ..Weekly Winners ~ dark and stormy =-.
God TWITTERS??
.-= Nan´s last blog ..Christmas Spirit! And A Review: Tolkien’s "Letters From Father Christmas" =-.
Oh bloody hell, that’s so not fair! Oi, @aka_God, give the woman a bloody rest fgs!!
.-= Marylin´s last blog ..Rockin it Zack Stylee =-.
If ever there was an account that should be marked as spam, that’s the one. Goodbye, @aka_God!
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..A Hypothetical Warning of Sorts =-.
Do you suppose aka_God is horny and in a snit?
.-= lceel´s last blog ..Monday Meanders 12-7 =-.
Bwahaha. Pure comedy. All of you, including god and Moo.
<3
OMG how many trees do you need?
LOL!
.-= Jeanette´s last blog ..My little Christmas elf =-.
I dunno….. Can you imagine what would happen to you if you decide to “unfollow”? I’m not even sure you can do that. Isn’t it like the mafia and once you’re signed up, you’re in for life?
.-= Krissa´s last blog ..Soup D’Jour =-.
Kelley, I never pictured you as a McMansion kind of gal, but if I had 4 Christmas trees in my lounge-room, none of them would be ABLE to fall down. Nor would anyone be able to get in there to decorate them. When do we see the decorated Roboboot?
.-= Chookie´s last blog ..Gardening IS Political =-.
be careful what you ask for you just might get it!
Good grief! Where do you live that you have 14 trees?!
Sorry about the nail…
Wait, HOW many Christmas trees do you have in your house? I am impressed! Hopefully the remaining trees stay standing!
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Twilight: New Moon Review =-.
that aka_god has alot to answer for.
.-= tiff´s last blog ..The story. =-.
Uhhh, isn’t God Jewish????
.-= Hotmamamia´s last blog ..God, I love creative people =-.
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