December 2009

I was totally going to do a post chronicling the fuckupery of the past year, but it is probably not appropriate to go back and read your whole blog on your 10th wedding anniversary. Cleaning the toilet is way more appropriate. Oh and Happy New Year biatches!

On this day 10 years ago MPS and I got married. 10 years married minus kids aged 18, 16 and 11 equals mummy was a tart and daddy was a cradle robber. {mathmatical equationopathy by MPS} So tonight while everyone is revelling and ringing in the new decade {cause I got married on a beach [...]

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Now THAT is all kinds of awesome.

I was sitting here, fucking around on the internet as is my want, when MPS walked in: 'Here. A five dollar shake' 'Goddamn, this is a pretty fucking good milkshake' Cause it was. {If you don't understand that reference then I don't know you at all. AT ALL. And you need re-evaluate your life and [...]

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Cause I am all about the class and tastefulness when it comes to Christmas greetings.

{view a special video message from me, and the large jolly one here. And make your own!} Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and copious amounts of chocolate and alcohol. Or Happy Friday to the non-Santa worshippers. Love to each and every one of you. Thank you for being my biatches, you have made me [...]

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Attention all Christmas shoppers…

What. The. Fuck. What turns you, the usual shopping citizens in this throbbing metropolis of BumFuck nowhere, into teeth gnashing arsehats freshly squeezed from the anus of Satan himself? Is it the pretty lights? The bright coloured packages? That slightly creepy looking guy sitting on the throne dressed head to toe in fur on a [...]

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Dear Santa,

Hey Santa, I am not sure what I want for Christmas, and I know you are probably all ‘The FUCK?’ when you receive this cause I know I totally lost my shit when Boo handed me an updated list of what he wants YESTERDAY. As an aside: Can you swing by Japan and pick up [...]

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Boo’s last day. And the office Christmas party.

The Damn Emos have been home for like months already, but today Boo finished school for the year. I dropped him off this morning all wide eyed and confused cause the new teacher had already moved his shit into the classroom, so of course Boo was all What. The. Fuck. His aide and I took [...]

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The hand you held.

Years ago, when I haunted Autism message boards soon after Boo’s diagnosis, I came across a poem. A poem that never fails to make me cry fat hot tears. Ever since then whenever someone special in Boo’s life moves on, I give them a copy of this poem printed on paper with his handprint. Today [...]

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In less than 10 hours from now…

As I type this, at 9.10pm Sunday night, it is less than 10 hours until Moo logs on to her computer and finds out the result of 13 years of schooling. In less than 10 hours from now, we will be standing watching, waiting, biting our nails waiting for her reaction. In less than 10 [...]

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Liar liar pants on fire…

The man I have been singing the praises of, the man I put all my trust into, he lied. Lied. LIED TO ME! Might as well stick a stake right in the middle of my heart, cause now you are dead to me DEAD TO ME I TELL YOU! Well at least until next week [...]

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Deck the floor with tons of baubles, fa la la la la, lala la la.

Alternate title: God doesn’t like Christmas trees. This morning, after calling in sick cause Achilles was screaming like a motherfucker and, lets be honest, I just couldn’t face dealing with fuckknuckles and primadonnas {besides my awesome self} today, I was sitting on my recliner sucking down a latte admiring my pretty Christmas nails. Green on [...]