So that is the weather forecast for Saturday. Well, the Bureau may have left out the last part, clearly it was just an oversight on their part.
40 ten and eleven year olds, carnival water fight party in the afternoon.
5 10 15 20 21 God knows how many screaming 17-20 year olds dressed in their finest slutty Halloween costumes in the evening.
Isolated showers and thunderstorms.
That means the little fuckers darlings fuckers invited guests will be all congregating IN. MY. HOUSE. and not in the yard.
And seriously biatches, we DO NOT WANT.
The living areas of the house are rather open plan, but I don’t want dripping wet tweens and sloshed teens anywhere near my recliner. Cause that is MINE. It has been well broken in in the few months we have had it, a perfect heart shape of my arse, the perfect distance from the TV so I can occasionally look up from my laptop to see other human beings.
I don’t want no grotty kid or slutty sans underwear teen sitting on my turf.
I want to be able to sit here, on my recliner with a nice glass of red, with the drunken teens safely locked in the backyard, occasionally wandering out to hose down the more amorous like I did to my dog that time she was in heat and we had to call the vet in the middle of the night cause they got stuck together and I had those screams in my head for YEARS afterwards.
Note to self: Buy earplugs.
So, my wonderful peeps, I have a question and a huge favour to ask.
Firstly, should I resurrect this old thing ~ MagnetoBoldTooParty ~ post the party shit here {pics/recipes/whatevz} or just clean slate it on Sunday?
And secondly, please, for the love of all things awesome and my freshly cleaned floors {oh and my kick arse rug} pray to your chosen deity – God, Allah, Goddess, Ceiling Cat, the Great Spaghetti Monster et al – send good vibes, do a little dance, whatever gets you going, that the skies will remain clear for both of the parties on Saturday, no rain, no gatecrashers, no blood and no teen pregnancies that can be traced back to the party.
I am relying on you peeps. Don’t let me down. 
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
bwahahaha good luck hon, will be thinking of you…oh and raising a glass of red for ya too
Joyce´s last blog ..Menu Plan
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We *need* pics of the cakes! I don’t care where you post ‘em. The party site is cool, though, I was totally distracted for 10 minutes when I should have been commenting here. Best of luck for keeping the teens from getting stuck together…
Kate´s last blog ..Shock horror!
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OK, so I just now caught up on the previous posts and saw pics of cakes (I’ve been out of internet-reach for a few days). But are there more cakes for the parties tomorrow? So we will still need more pics. The cakes, by the way? Totally amazingly awesome-issimo.
Kate´s last blog ..Shock horror!
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Sending no rain vibes… actually I’m hoping the rain hits our place, so maybe it will just detour around you and come to us.
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Two parties in one day? You are THE Awesomeness…or plain crazy. I hope the rain stays away and red wine is abundant.
Tara R.´s last blog ..Scruffy redeux
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Right – I will do antirain dances for you if you do them for me. While your sounds plain horrendous if it is not pleasant outdoors, I do not want 11 seven year olds in my house dressed as scary things wanting to play messy party games. Nup, no way. I can’t even cope with 5 children in my house!
Why or why is halloween on a saturday & my halloween baby desperately wants a spooky birthday party rather than a trip to macdonalds.
Wish I had a few more days, the garage in all its mess is looking promising.
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Yea, good luck with that. You may want to put a give out condoms as guest favors. AND put a giant one over your chair. XXOO
Ree´s last blog ..Eggs
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OK I have thought about this long & hard, the best I could come up with is: Holy Bat Shit hope it doesn’t rain & that you don’t need the anti-sex hose for the teens.
Just stay in your chair no matter what, if that is all you can
save it will be worth it!
Good luck, all the best & hope your arse is still with you on Sunday morning (in other words hope you don’t lose your shit LOL) xx
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Okay.
1. Roll the rug up and stow it in your bedroom, they will kill it. You will regret it if you leave it on the floor. Just scatter some hay instead.
2. Why is it that you work in some job where they can be bastards to you instead of rocking your awesome part skillz on a commercial scale? Even if you’re rural there must be a market for your talents, you make my efforts look like something a toddler put together.
3. Can you erect a tarpauliny tenty arrangement in he back yard? More for the teens in the evening because I wouldn’t want them in my be house and that’s what I would be doing – it would work for the tweens too of course but I just think they’d be more tolerable inside.
So that was a yes to the party blog btw.
Ali´s last blog ..It’s been one of those weeks that we just shouldn’t talk about
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Where’s the pioneer spirit of the younger generation? Lock your door, Kelley! Let them consider this a party a rite of passage into adulthood. Have them build crude shelters from materials found in the (neighbor’s) backyard. Challenge them to forage for food like the early settlers *picturing a horde of zombie teenagers going door to door and coercing your neighbors into giving them mass quantities of frozen meat that they can suck popsicle-style*.
The kids will emerge from the experience as grown-ups — wet and shivering and traumatized and vowing never to come to a party at your house again.
Win-win!
mama edge´s last blog ..Why home schooling gives me the howling fantods
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GOOOOOOD LUUUUUUUCK!!!
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I will think sunny thoughts for you! Hope all goes well
Marylin´s last blog ..Typical day in the life…
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I curse the grey heavy clouds. I wish you dry slutty teenagers with DRY slutty shoes
Gilz´s last blog ..Dedicated Follower of Fashion?
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My sweet dear Kelley, any prayers I have to influence the weather are going to me. We’re in day 2 of OH MY GOD IT’S *STILL* SNOWING???? Some 16 inches and still falling. So, my dear, I love you and all, but I want to get out of my house at some point.
Jen´s last blog ..Snowglobe living
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I hope it pisses down.
Xbox4NappyRash´s last blog ..Smartarses
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Sweetie, it will be OK! Just remember that the teenagers won’t even get stuck together like the dogs did!
Unless there’s something new I don’t know about… shit!
Krissa´s last blog ..Keelan. Or Bunny Fluff Flux Capacitor.
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Party favour condoms.
Jayne´s last blog ..October is almost gone bring on Halloween!
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lol@Jayne.
Hope you make it through in one piece !!
Nikki aka Widdle Shamrock´s last blog ..Kids kidding around with the kids
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I agree with Ali, stash the rug. Then get some kind of big scarecrow / sex doll / halloween thingy and duct tape that fucker into your chair. It’ll keep the kids off without you having to sit there all night. Cause I KNOW you will just want to run away screaming at some point, and if you have to weigh up the risk of leaving the chair to the hords of pantsless teens or your sanity, who knows what will happen.
The Accidental Housewife´s last blog ..Bedroom Makeover
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one word for you – marquee.
put it in your backyard and save your damn recliner!!
PS – pray for no rain for me too cos I don’t know that a dozen adults and nearly 20 kids will fit inside my house on sat night at the combined family birthday bbq
MistressB´s last blog ..Is it 2010 yet?
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” the skies will remain clear on Saturday, no rain, no gatecrashers, no blood and no teen pregnancies”
Okay, prayers winging heavenward……..
Hope all goes well and everyone has a great time. Hide your recliner in your bedroom and lock the door.
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Looks the weather report was wrong! Cheers, here’s to Kelley NOT losing her mind
Deidre´s last blog ..Bed, Bath, and Beyond…
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OK, reading in reverse, so obviously it was a smashing success…whew!
Hotmamamia´s last blog ..Tick tock, tick tock
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