Some of you biatches have been emailing me, or asking in the comments for updates on some of my posts.
And me, being the easily distracted chick that I am, basically forgets straight away.
So here you go my lovelies, the bloggers version of Propofol, the UPDATE POST!
(too early for MJ jokes? Oh, my bad… cause I’m bad, I’m bad, you know it…)
So what happened with Moo and the unwashed jumper? Did she contact her local Human Rights advisor?
The jumper was washed eventually. When I was good and fucking ready, but it had to be washed cause it was a school jumper. I did fart on it before I threw it on the floor of her bedroom though. So I still win.
Who won the damn competition that you ran?
No-one. Cause I suck. But I will make it up to you. Eventually. Cause I suck.
Are you going to finish ‘Anatomy of a brain fart’ and update us on how you are going with the whole recuperation thing? And what about that Marburg/Sports injury thing?
I will eventually get around to filling you guys in on what happened. Even almost 4 months later I am not up to it. The arm thing comes and goes but I can’t do a fucking thing about it cause of the whole brain fart thing. My appointment with the neurologist is on July 20 (after 3 months of waiting) and hopefully we will get some answers then. And I will let you know. Maybe.
And the ninja! What happened to Too after the whole forgery ninja stealing her clothes thing?
I know you would love to hear that the ninja stole her bedroom. And when I told the chicks at work they were all DAMMIT WOMAN why didn’t you call us and we would have helped you. But I was unable to rise to the occasion cause at that stage I was barely able to wipe my own freaking arse, let alone lug a loft bed out of her room.
So I did the next best thing. I sat her down and told her how disappointed I was. How I relied on her to tell me the truth. I pulled the stroke card (what? She started it!) and asked her how I was ever going to be able to trust her again. And to please just go to her room cause just seeing her made me sad.
Two hours later she came out crying and apologised and was fucking devastated.
MUMMY FOR THE WIN!
(and yeah, I felt bad and told her what I had planned to do and she was all ‘you totally should have mum! That would have been awesome!’ And it would have been.)
As punishment I made her clean her room and then took her out and bought her a pair of these.
Fucking AWESOME Doc Martens
Poor child. She should have the Dept of Childrens Services on speed-dial. Or ask her sister to hit her up with the number of the local human rights activist.
So, whats the deal with MPS? You were all ‘he is not here and living with my parents’ and then nothing. And then you mention him in posts and on twitter and we are all WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WOMAN?
Yes, we separated. It was for a month or so. It was hard. It was necessary. He is back home and we are working through the issues. Sorry, I am gunna plead Forrest Gump ‘that is all I have to say about that’.
Do your kids/family/friends read your blog?
My girls know about my blog, they tease me incessantly about it. Until I buy something like fucking AWESOME Doc Martens or Christmas presents with the proceeds and then they are all ‘you rock the internetz mum’
Or words to that effect.
They tell me they don’t read it. And if they do in secret, I bet they are washing their eyes out with bleach after the last post. *snort*
Other than that, MPS is the only person IRL that knows about my blog. And I like it that way.
Your workplace sounds horrific! How are things going at work? You work with some real arsehats. Where do you work and can I come and visit you?
Work is work. Everyone has their issues. In reality I enjoy my job, but the good days don’t make for good blogging – I kicked arse and everyone thinks I am a GODDESS – that sort of thing. If everyone was nice and awesome and shit I would be totally bored.
But no one really gets the whole internet thing. Well those I work with anyway. The other day I nearly busted a blood vessel cracking my shit up while writing a letter that stated ‘All your assets are vest in us’ and not ONE FUCKER got the reference.
(and if you don’t get it, I don’t think we can be friends anymore)
I am not telling you where I work. But I am hugely important. And I can bury you if I feel the need. But apparently there are laws and shit preventing me from doing that. Well, quickly anyway…
Can I have your address so I can send you stuff?
A few awesome people have sent me things in the mail that have made me squee in delight. But I know them well enough to divulge my PO Box addy. I am not giving you my address so you can peek through my windows.
Well not until I can get some decent sleepwear anyway…
Why don’t you read my blog?
You see it is like this, I DO visit all your blogs. I am subbed to everyone that comments here. But I just haven’t had time to comment regularly what with the working and teenagers and Autism and cooking and sexing and being awesome and shit.
(literally shit peeps. We have Boo on a trial of A2 milk.)
I love each and every one of you. And I squeeeee when I see you comment. And I have the perfect email reply in my head and all the good intentions in the world and then I suck.
So the short answer is, I DO read your blog. And I will try and be better at commenting. Now get off my fucking back already Ron!
If you got this far without needed CPR and a martini then I applaud you. And I leave you with the fucking AWESOMENESS of Web Site Story. Yeah, you have to click through. But it is worth it.
{ 41 comments }
(Down on one knee, singing)
You’re awesome
Absolutely awesome
Who’d believe the awesome-ness, of youuu
Winsome, sweet and warm and winsome
Radiant as in – some – dream –COME TRUE
NOW, Venus would seem tame
Helen and her thou-sand-ships – would have to die of shame
You’re awesome
Absolutely awesome
For there’s one thing awesome-ness can do
(You’re-so-awesome)
It’s a gift for – me – to share – with youuuuuuuuuu!
Kelley, let me ask you a question.
Shut up.
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..The Toughest Enemy, Part III+1
Good to see you again Kelley! Missing you too.
xx
Oh god, I didn’t get the reference, now Kelly won’t be friends with me!
*skulks off hanging head in shame, shame I tell you*
Robin’s last blog post..Summer Stock Sunday – Happiness is a Spongebob ice cream
ooh lovely. It’s like the first episode after the final cliff hanger of the last series. All those loose little ends tied up. Nice work. Gotta love the docs.
Jodieodie’s last blog post..oh yeah life goes on
Well you’ve cleared up a whole lot of my questions. But you missed off the meaning of life. Do you think you could address that next time?
womb for improvement’s last blog post..My Fair Lady?
Those are some fucking awesome boots. If I make up ninja lies, can I have a pair? Please?
Tammy’s last blog post..In Pursuit of Happiness
You didn’t answer MY question….
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Sacred excrement
Damn, I never got rockin’ boots like that’s when I lied. :-/
And I’m dissapointed that you won’t provide your address so I can stalk you properly.
Those boots are teh awesome. I am returning Pearl’s (much less awesome) boots this morning because they are falling apart and kids’ shoes should last longer than 8 weeks, right? Expect to have to argue with the shop. I wish you could come with me, you could probably just pin them with a look.
Kate’s last blog post..Darlings
Those boots are very cool!
Jeanette’s last blog post..A tribute to Michael Jackson in Sandton
I *love* those Docs. I *need* your address so I can come steal them and they can be my shoes.
Keep on keeping on Kelley
There’s, oh my goddess, *chokes*, flowers on Doc Martens. *resists the need to vomit*
Why didn’t you get her Barbie shoes?
anja’s last blog post..I’m such a little ray of fucking sunshine… NOT
When you get decent sleepwear, can I have your address, so I can peep through your windows? Cos that’s how I roll.
Unless you invite me to stay, but I will only sleep in leopard print sheets that match my leopard print nightie….ask the Mistress.
Enjoyed the update.
WiddleShamrock’s last blog post..Spoiling oneself
OK, maybe I didn’t exactly ASK any of those questions, but I’ve thought of almost all of them!
Now, I am going to clean my room and wait for a pair of those Doc Martens.
Yes, you awesome!
Krissa’s last blog post..She’d never make it as a maid.
I’ll send you the leopard print sheets for when WS comes to stay at your house. You may as well just invite her now she’s decided to do it.
Mistress B’s last blog post..Trash Talkin’
But what about the cake?
[what cake Veronica?]
[Never mind what cake. Just tell me about the cake.]
[There was no cake]
[Fuck it. I need cake.]
Veronica’s last blog post..Massage and subluxed shoulders.
omg I want those boots.
goatlady’s last blog post..New Alice in Chains song
I have been looking for those boots everywhere and lamenting the fact that I can’t find them and then I come here and you have them!! You have the only pair in existence and you gave them to your daughter? Kelley, I thought we had something here. I thought we looked out for each other. Please send me the boots. If you don’t, I’ll have to forge your signature to a credit card slip if I ever do find my own pair. Hey, it worked for Too!
Dingo’s last blog post..How I Spent My Summer Vacation
I don’t have three kids and one of them with autism, have not had a stroke, and don’t have ninja;s invading my home, and I still can’t keep up with all the blogs in my reader.
I have one measley little job that has had me working over time since April, so when I come home and read blogs, I love them but just can’t do the comment thing right now.
I know you read me, I have ways of knowing, hahaha.
Karen’s last blog post..Scenic Sunday
You still rock all aspects of the game. Thanks for the ninja tip – I always thought of them as ninjas, no wonder our school uniforms are missing.
blackpetero’s last blog post..Rearrangement
Well thanks for the answers. I was kinda curious about Too’s room. The boots are awesome, although to be honest, in my opinion, punishments don’t include boots. That would be more of a bribe, so that Too wouldn’t lie to you again.
I didn’t get the reference either, if that makes me not your friend, then so be it. (sob, sniff…)
she’s aliiiiiive!
hehehehehe
UrbanVox’s last blog post..24 at 28kbps… LOL
Great update – I didn’t ask about MPS (but I worried) so am pleased to know that you are working stuff out.
I obviously suck at vested asses or something because I didn’t get it either (oh – sob – I’ll make it up to you – promise!)
But those boots OMG!!! I would totally rock those babies.
Amanda’s last blog post..The final results for Semester 1 are in…
yiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!
can`t believe you did the MJ bad thing just now, weed myself to death. bahahhahha. SHAMON! is my new thing since he carked it, it is the difinitive way to finish any sentence or arguement. It’s the MJ equiv of a roundhouse kick to the head these days.
best updates ever! glad MPS came back, cos otherwise it would have been like, “who the hell is she getting all this horizontal action with?”… except I know how awesome you are Kelley, so like, as if its horizontal.
anyhoo, thanks muchly, keep up the good work and just to clear it up for you, I so won that competition. SHAMON!
estelle’s last blog post..Not Like Old Times
I’m speechless. Just wanted to let you know I was here.
lceel’s last blog post..The long hallway
OMG not the A2 milk…!
Why, oh why do you have to discriminate against a good fart-inducing pint of fresh goats milk ?
Seriously, you could keep one of those suckers in Boo’s bedroom and he could milk her straight into his bowl of weetbix each morning and she’d keep down the flourishing weeds and MPS’ jocks for you….
And if I adopt you as my younger-than-me-Mummy-don’t-know-how-that-figures-but-work-with-me-here, Kel, can you buy me a pair of those arse-kicking boots, too?
Jayne’s last blog post..Food, weight loss & exercise, oops don’t mention the war, Basil!
I didn’t even realize that I had so many questions until you answered them all.
magpie’s last blog post..Setting the Music Free
Thanks for the answers, now all is right with the universe…I think I am the only person on the planet who does NOT like Doc Martin’s at all, ever, never…but the child is truly lucky to have a mummy that buys goodies like that for her!
Thanks for reading…I know you do
Hotmamamia’s last blog post..Calligraphy anyone?
So great to see you again. Thanks for the updates.
And how much do you rock for buying those boots?!
p.s. I think I forwarded the website story to everyone I know!
Momisodes’s last blog post..What I learned from being poked
Next post could you please mention where you got those boots from???..I have fallen in love with them..and Web Site Story was rather humorous
shelly’s last blog post..WHAT? MICHAEL JACKSON DIED?… how come no fucker told me?
Love the boots!
I hate that I can’t comment here any more because my work blocked your blog. (Tricked ‘em today, working from home!)
12ontheinside’s last blog post..Lucky Coins
Hiya, keepitup, I’ve got Qs, obviously, but then those involve pics, and then I’m married, so the wifely might not take that too well…
I’ve managed to mention you in a post of mine!!!
(I rock at sounding condescending! 
)
-FK
Ah-ha! Now it all makes sense. .. roflmao
Meanwhile, here’s something a little obscure, but .. stay safe, Kelley: http://www.badgods.com/images/wiiwarning.png
spotrick’s last blog post..Authors ready to throw the book at online pirates
Gleeep! forgot the link!!
http://farkknight.wordpress.com/2009/07/07/in-laws/
My bad!
I would love to be a fly on your wall.
And I must protest what you have just done to me. I am not one of THOSE women who get wet over shoes. Until now. I must have those Doc Martens.
mama edge’s last blog post..Vacay REFRAMED!
Finally, the part of me that likes soap operas(*) has caught up with the current series. All your saga are belong to us!!
(*) Last sighted in May 1985, when Molly died(**).
(**) And if you don’t know what I mean, I don’t think we can be friends any more…
Chookie’s last blog post..First Frost, and Other Blighted Hopes
Poor Brendan
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Misery and milestones
Those docs are absoeffinlutely AWESOME.
And, it’s cool that you did the short answer thing. I’ve been hoping things are alright for you!
Miss Ash’s last blog post..Something to someone
You are a fucking awesome Mum. heh, I feel so cool saying Mum.
My kids tease me about my blog too. Bastards.
GAH!! Remember ages ago, maybe one of your first posts I read, I sent you a virtual pair of shoes? Well, I wanted to send you those, because they seemed like your kind of beautiful, stomping cool, but I asked Xbox and he said they weren’t so much your thing, you were more the fuck me pumps sort of girl, so I didn’t.
I think Xbox is a chauvinist…
You say that like it’s a bad thing…
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