Since giving up smoking I have needed something to do with my hands. And time.
Something to obsess about. Cause that is how I roll.
So I have replaced that disgusting habit with two things, that unfortunately I cannot do whenever I want lest I get arrested or be unable to fit through the door.
Sex and food.
As you do.
Thankfully, Australia is currently in the grip of MasterChef mania, so I am all about showing off my culinary skillz.
And Matt is enough to make me NOT think about sex for at least half an hour (for fucks sake dude, wash your damn hair and look in a fucking mirror. WHITE pants? WHITE? *vomit*)
*shudder*
So I have been trawling the internetz and dusting off the cookbooks and getting down and dirty in the kitchen with my knife. Laksa and kofta, indian curries and chimichangas, parfait and lemon fucking ANYTHING, have graced our menu of late.
Mouthgasms, followed by the other… *snigger* makes Kelley one happy girl.
Now excuse me MasterChef is on and I have a Quarter Pounder something gourmet calling my name…
P.S. I am indulging in a little Margarita madness tonight and answering your burning questions of late. Like what happened to the Ninja colluding Too? Did Boo murder me with an axe? What happened with MPS? and Did Moo’s jumper ever get washed?
If you have any burning questions and I have left you hanging, unable to sleep at night, now is the time to ask.
While I am drunk and horny.
OK, just drunk. I keep looking at that pic of Matt. Bitch PLEASE!
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Yahahahah, my first question is – do your older kids read your blog?! Because, hellskells, if they do you are one liberated, open and sharing woman.
And yes, was rather wondering how things worked out with MPS after his stint at YOUR parents place…. but, y`know, didn`t wanna pry.
xx
Ron Duck says in deep Frrrrench accent. “You can’t cook, you can’t make luuuuve!”
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..The Toughest Enemy, Part III
Buck up. It appears he was trying to hang himself with that horrid piece of fabric tied around his neck. he may succeed yet.
Krissa’s last blog post..She’d never make it as a maid.
LOL… mouthgasms made me giggle
iamthediva’s last blog post..T-Minus 6 Days….
I was actually wondering if things have totally settled down at work? You have some of the bitchiest people to deal with and after that team building fiasco..arghhhh!
AND, if you want some easy and wonderful recipes…you need to visit Jennifer at http://www.A2eatwrite.blogspot.com she publishes some wonderful recipes with pics every Wednesday.
Hotmamamia’s last blog post..Now I remember; I’m supposed to be telling you some of the old stories from my past as i wait to retire
Oh, I forgot to ask….please tell me that dude is NOT a chef…I mean, what is that ascot thing and like you said…WASH YOUR HAIR! Loved your take on the Seuss book too!
Hotmamamia’s last blog post..Now I remember; I’m supposed to be telling you some of the old stories from my past as i wait to retire
I am a horrible, prying, nosy neighbor (what? we’re neighbors if you count half the world as one neighborhood) but I have been sitting over here fretting about your marriage for weeks. I didn’t ask (because I have a small amount of self-control) but I am undeniably tickled pink that you are going to share on your own…
That Dr Seuss picture made me laugh out loud. Then scroll the screen up so my 7 year old didn’t read for himself what I found so funny…
Lynn (Walking With Scissors)’s last blog post..The opposite of reason
He is seriously scary looking. Ick.
I started out making a curry tonight, but halfway along it decided it would rather be a spicy peanut and ginger sauced stir-fry. Or rather it will be once I actually cook it. Everything’s prepped and laid out on the counter but I’m waiting for M to go to bed to do the actual stir-frying so that we can then eat in (relative) peace (punctuated by calls to M to be quiet already and go to sleep).
Robin’s last blog post..Old City Window redux
I feel violated.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Sacred excrement
Look. If you need something to do with your hands … well …
lceel’s last blog post..Redo
The scariest thing about Matt (masterchef dude) is that he has names for his 90+ cravats.
Dear freaking Goddess that man is a walking contraceptive.
Jayne’s last blog post..You may take your combine harvester and….drop it round the back of my place, ta.
You do realize that sex and food can work in combination, dontcha?
witchypoo’s last blog post..SB Introduces Her Neighbours
Matt is enough to make me turn
except i already did
but if i hadn’t
i so would.
i always get sex and food confused.
i blame g/f
what else am i meant to think when she says ‘eat me’?
Sammi’s last blog post..Seriously Stupid
That picture of Matt is enough to put a nympho off sex.
Quarter pounders? Yuk. Macca’s food makes me sick. I used to eat it, then I didn’t for about a year, when I finally had another cheeseburger, it made me feel horrible. Haven’t been anywhere near the local Macca’s since then.
Ah sex and food.
I love nibbling on Jock’s Knackwurst.
WiddleShamrock’s last blog post..Too old to party !!!!
Have you thought about knitting?
Actually, scratch that. Those needles are fatal in the wrong hands.
womb for improvement’s last blog post..What’s in a name?
I’m going to have nightmares now.
Ree’s last blog post..Haiku Friday – The July 4th, er…3rd Edition
That Matt person sure is one scary looking man.
Lindsay’s last blog post..They’re Here
lemon MPS a la Kelley?
sounds kinky
Mistress B’s last blog post..Trash Talkin’
that guy is a chef? on tv? are they trying to help you lose weight?
Karen’s last blog post..Scenic Sunday
Make sure and cook healthy food or else you will just put on the pounds after quitting smoking.
I don’t know how to cook and after I quit smoking I nearly went blind….:O
findbetterwork.com’s last blog post..BENEFTITS OF STUDY USA INTERNATIONAL STUDENT HEALTH INSURANCE