So I was sitting here, all innocent twittering about the ENORMOUS spider that greeted me in the hallway this morning that MPS disposed of by flushing it down the toilet and I am too scared to go to either loo cause what if the fucker is like that puppy in the UK that the kid flushed and it lived and then it would crawl up the bowl and bite me on the derrière and OMG I wonder if Boo’s nappies will fit me or maybe I should just go find a clean public toilet which is totally an oxymoron and I love that word, when I got a phone call from the girls school.
First of all a little background. For those not in Australia, the majority of schools require that kids wear school uniform. I love this because not only does it save a boat load of money but it just saves the hassles of early morning ‘where is my?’ crap. If your child needs to be out of uniform for any reason, a note needs to be sent to school. Too has been wearing jeans to school and told us, when confronted, that it is fine…
You can see where I am going with this, right?
Long story short, Too has been producing a note for being out of uniform EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR OVER A MONTH.
A note that I haven’t written. Nor has her father. But we have signed…
As the notes have been getting more and more bizarre, the school decided to give me a call.
Apparently they start off plausible enough with ‘Due to the situation at home…’ probably a letter that was written in March when I was in hospital and the people that live with me thought that I took the washing machine with me or something… meh.
But todays note? Todays note had them wondering because apparently…
Ninja stole her uniform.
Ninja.
Stole.
Her.
Uniform.
(don’t forget peeps, don’t be pluralising the Ninja. They will go all crazy on yo arse)
After I regained my composure, I promised to deal with the situation tonight and hung up.
I immediately called MPS to ask if he had been writing notes for Too. He had not, but when he told his workmates of our daughters forgery and deception, they gave her a standing ovation.
Now I have to deal with this when she gets home. With a straight face.
I am considering going into her room and removing everything BUT her school uniform.
Sorry Too, ninja stole your bedroom.
{ 62 comments }
Ahhh…you gotta respect those sneaky, stealthy,cross dressing Ninjas. Too has an excellent imagination by the sounds of things.
Do it. Seriously. Do it.
I humbly salute Too. I thought that having a sore back/knee/period to get out of sport throughout my entire high school career was pretty impressive but I bow to her (obviously inherited) awesomeness.
Bloody ninjas.
goatlady’s last blog post..Accept with Udo: not the real deal
Impressive excuse .
Do it.
My son is a forgery master but he wouldn’t think of anything so classic and original.
Ninjas are going to steal his damn drums.
Trish’s last blog post..Fortunately …or unfortunately
I want to know what the other excuses were! Poor kid must have been getting desperate for new reasons… I hope she gets an A in creative writing this term, at least.
And, yes, ninjas should steal everything else. Great idea!
Kate’s last blog post..Dancing Queen
Ninjas hey,
You do realise that this blog could be used as evidence to prove that ninjas occassionally frequent your house don’t you. If you think about it, it really isn’t that far fetched.
Seriously though. That is brilliant, stoopid but brilliant… I don’t think that sentence works… oh well
ROFL!!!!!!!
She obviously gets her genius from her mother.
That is fucking hilarious.
Sammi’s last blog post..Eat Me
I vote for Ninja’s stole your bedroom as punishment for abusing their good name by saying they stole your uniform lol
Mistress B’s last blog post..8 Reasons Why Cooking Is Great For Kids!
I used to write similar notes to school officials. When we were late for 8 AM school meetings, we had to fill out a form, explaining why, or face detention. I got bored with writing “I was stuck in traffic, thus making me late”, “My alarm didn’t go off, thus making me late”, etc.
And started writing things like,
“My mother was going to drive me to school, but decided instead that she wanted Colombian coffee. We went to school by way of Colombia, thus making me late.”
Or…
“Car was sitting in traffic, when picked up by aliens. Lengthy anal probing ensued, thus making me late.”
Veronica’s last blog post..Thankful Tuesday…
Wow. Too’s note is kind of awesome, but your suggested response is a million times awesomer. Is awesomer a word?
megan’s last blog post..there is no if
My mother made me write my own notes…and i was stupid enough to do it in my own handwriting
i say get rid of everything but the school clothes and one daggy track suit!
magikquilter’s last blog post..200 posts…who would have thought?
I love it. I’m stealin’ it. I’m using it. I freakin’ hate writing notes. They never read the damn thing and still call me but of course NOT ON MY CELL and leave me messages about stuff that I explained. in. the fucking. note. My girl kid’s school had a huge obnoxious banner – “We’re an excelling school!!!!” – which of course means the state isn’t threatening to pull your funding because you don’t totally suck. The last note I wrote this past school year … “please excuse Princess this morning, she was home excelling”. Bastards. Signed, PTA Mom o’ the Year
Lisa’s last blog post..Neighbor’s CSA Loss – My Gain
That is an awesome note.
I hope Ninja steals her bedroom. that would be a fantastic response.
You totally have to do that! And seriously…ninja stole her uniform?? That’s too hysterical.
Lilacspecs’s last blog post..Spread the Word
I love how your blog makes me laugh so hard that I regularly snort coffee through my nose. This increases the rate at which I absorb caffeine so its all good.
Ninja. That girl is good.
Ness @ Drovers Run’s last blog post..Edward Cullen, More PMS Pie, and Funny How it All Works…
OH, and you should TOTALLY take all her clothes except the uniform. Give ‘em back slowly as she toes the line. Ha ha ha. Sometimes being a parent can be more fun than it seems.
Ness @ Drovers Run’s last blog post..Edward Cullen, More PMS Pie, and Funny How it All Works…
Ahh. Ninja work in mysterious ways.
Amanda’s last blog post..school cake stalls….
Oh, that girl is so awesome!
She needs to die, but awesome nonetheless.
You and the school need to come up with a secret password for notes, or something.
GoaldeeBug’s last blog post..Graduation
Can the ninja come to my house? I’m over the uniforms.
Kin’s last blog post..Everything and nothing
Ohhh do it, you gotta do it – can you imagine her face when she goes to find some of her clothes and they’re all just *gone*! Priceless!
Marylin’s last blog post..Picking myself up again.
Yes!! Remove all her clothes! What a great idea.
Ha Ha.
So, what happened? I’m dying to know!
Veronica’s last blog post..This Shit Sucks
I hated school uniform as a kid. It was cruel and evil and completely useless in the midst of summer (when you’d boil) and the midst of winter (when you’d freeze). Or maybe that was more to do with the pre-fab huts they taught us in.
Now I hate it because you can guarantee that on a Monday morning when you’re already running late that there’s not a clean and ironed shirt in sight!
Woooo! Can you ask her to write me a note for work?
spotrick’s last blog post..Authors ready to throw the book at online pirates
You have to do it. You HAVE to. For me. For mothers everywhere.
Go Ninja Mom!
PS I do however take my hat off at her sheer gall. V impressive.
Robin’s last blog post..Jerusalem’s Cardo
Why couldn’t I have thought of such an awesome excuse when I was a kid?
Meg’s last blog post..Economic crisis
Ninja are going to be the cause for every excuse I must give in the future.
Awesome.
Tammy’s last blog post..Bird is the Word
I have to pause in the laughter, here, to ask .. Have I EVER told you how much I love you? I think I want to go to Australia just to sit outside your house and hold a candle lit vigil – in homage to your greatness, your awesomeness,
your boobs,your sense of humor.lceel’s last blog post..Heartfelt – A Fiction
So, if the previous excuse(s) have been that she couldn’t wear her uniform because it was dirty, that means that Ninja steal DIRTY uniforms. That’s just creepy. And pervie.
Please be careful when you next do laundry. You’ll likely need that child for protection because that must be where the creepy, pervie Ninja hang out.
Hmmm, so I wonder where she gets that creative awesomeness? Hope you were able to keep a straight face… Lord knows I would have cracked.
carrie’s last blog post..10 Things I’d Bring on a Deserted Island
C’mon, you’ve gotta be a little bit proud of her? That’s pretty awesome. Go Too!
She must have wanted to be caught with the whole ninja thing though because surely she didn’t think anyone was going to buy that?
Ali’s last blog post..G
Oh, this is perfect. You gotta admire her spirit, her creativity, her, um balls?
PLEASE let us know how the “talk” goes…..
Ellie’s last blog post..Later That Night…..
Don’t suppose you have any of her other notes? I’d love to read some of her other excuses. I’m thinking things like — “Sold my uniform so we could buy food” … “Religious holiday today; requires jeans-wearing genuflection” … “Zipper broken on pants; am waiting for emergency crew to bring Jaws of Life” … “Mum has developed uniform fetish, actually looks rather darling in it” …
mama edge’s last blog post..Mama Bear has just about had it
Need the followup. Did Ninja steal her bedroom? I want to know what some of the other excuses are!
Ree’s last blog post..Things I’ve Learned Today
Ha ha ha please please ninja her clothes. Can’t wait to hear how it goes
That is so fucking funny. She gets points for being so clever (and dumb at the same time). I hate it when the damn ninja steal my shit.
LOL! Good luck to you speaking to her with a straight face. I’m not sure I could.
Love the bedroom idea. Excellent plan my friend.
Momisodes’s last blog post..They’re Here!
Ninja. She is so totally your child.
magpie’s last blog post..Museum Quality Thrift
Ninja totally need to steal her bedroom. Leave only uniforms and pink, frilly hairbows.
jen’s last blog post..Taking the place of Jen today…
I am on the ground. Laughing.
Is this what I have to look forward too? I could see my kids doing quite the same. Awesome.
OHmommy’s last blog post..I blogged about "it" and "it" got us fired.
Oh, don’t be too hard on Too. These things happen.
Hey, how is she with dollar bills?
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..Did I Ever Mention the Story of How My Mom and Dad Made the News?
Can you pleeeeease post pics of ninja in action?
Miss Ash’s last blog post..Here we are, looking for an answer… when really there never was a problem
I hope somewhere the school is framing that note, becaues you gotta give the kid credit for it. That’s some A+ quality work.
In the meantime, I totally hope you have ninja’d the hell out of the bedroom!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)’s last blog post..slip slidin’ away…
They never would’ve busted her if she’d blamed it on pirates. Everyone knows pirates are notorious for stealing things. I think you should leave her nothing but a ninja costume to wear to school
Dingo’s last blog post..Take This Oreo And Shove It
How are you going to keep a straight face? Fucking HILARIOUS!
I would TOTALLY steal all her clothes. Sounds like a very logical consequence (and if I learned anything in my many years as a Child Development major, it’s that logical consequences are the best ones!).
BRILLIANT…both you and TOO…
You gotta share some of the other things she wrote if you can get your hands on em…and BE SURE to VIDEO her reaction to the vampant ninja hitting her room…gotta see it…just gotta!
p.s. SOOOOO glad the call wasn’t about Boo!
Hotmamamia’s last blog post..Want a peek at my stomach? How about my colon? My feet?
I am so impressed! Please get her to list some of her other excuses for us!
But I reckon stealing ALL the clothes sounds like overly hard work (assuming she’s her mother’s daughter in this respect). Maybe the ninjas can just steal her emo cosmetics collection. Or all the bras except that Christmas present from your Mum.
Are you planning to greet her at the door in a ninja outfit? Can we watch? We love to watch…
Chookie’s last blog post..Bird-Watching at Homebush Bay
Need, To. Stop. Laughing. Gotta give her points for creativity. Wouldn’t the plural of Ninja be Ninji?
Tara R.’s last blog post..SkyWatch Friday ~ 6
I’m sorry, but that is absolutely hilarious. What a funny thing to write.
Stimey’s last blog post..The Image For My Guest Review on Another Site is Right Here
OMG what if it’s true?
What if Ninja really did take her school uniform?
Jodieodie’s last blog post..waiting
wow, gotta remember that one for Bri’s school next year. It will keep them guessing.
Jennifer A’s last blog post..So, why has Jennifer been so quiet for the past couple days?
Fucking ninja.
That is hilarious.
To me. Not so much for you, I’m sure. heh.
I’d take away all of her clothes for a month and make her wear her school uniform EVERY WHERE.
No mercy for the ninja.
Heh.
can i have your offspring? seriously. i’ll swap you for a 3 year old that keeps asking pointy questions on how he was ‘built’.
i’ve always wanted to write school notes for offspring#1 using the good old ninja excuse. and for what it’s worth, i would have admitted to writing too’s note.. just to get the principals head to spin, exorsist style.
confusionsoup’s last blog post..whoa. i didn’t see that coming.
she has totally evolved to a higher plane than the rest of us.
i am unworthy.
the planet of janet’s last blog post..After midnight
And….????
What did you do?
What did you say?
How many weeks/months has Ninja stolen her bedroom/social life for?
Jayne’s last blog post..
ROFLMAO!
Um…me thinks Too has a bit of her mom’s sense of humor!!
BWAAHHHHHHAAAAA!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Anatomy 101 Taught By A 5 Year Old
LMAO. Makes me wonder what the other notes said, and how long it took someone at the school to catch on!
pixiemama’s last blog post..got tie-dye?
That last line had me cracking up. Her daughter is an evil genius. And so are you.
Karly’s last blog post..I Haven’t Been Fired Yet. I Guess That’s Good. Kind Of.
Uh, that was supposed to read YOUR daughter, not HER daughter. Damn it.
Karly’s last blog post..I Haven’t Been Fired Yet. I Guess That’s Good. Kind Of.
Do it! There is nothing as awesome as ninja retribution!
LMAO! That’s just awesome! Personally, I hate the uniform policy but that could just be because my kids aren’t really old enough for me to fight with about fashion, and I think kids should be allowed some wardrobe creativity. God forbid they show any individuity!
Anyway, don’t punish her too hard. The cleverness of the offense should count for something.
This is too good! My middle boy forges my signature, but never so creatively. You HAVE to ninja all of her clothes.
Nan’s last blog post..Poem Of The Month
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