So I am sitting here, resplendant in my sock slippers and yoga pants
wrapped up in a Lightning McQueen blanket and surrounded by a sea of wadded up tissues when the doorbell rings.
I get up to go to the door, passing the window as I stagger the 10 feet and notice the lawnmower guy literally JUMP off the front doorstep when he sees me through the window..
As I open the door he recoils in horror.
‘That bad, huh?’ I chuckle.
‘It is not swine flu is it?’
dickhead.
‘No just your garden variety’
‘Well, get better soon’ he says backing away even further.
OK.
Holy Shit, mother fucker! I even frighten myself.
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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
Next time, you should go “cough, cough, oink”, just to see how fast he can run!
Feel better soon.
Kate’s last blog post..Houses and tunnels
.. shoulda said yes babe, then gave him a hug
Oh, poor you. I am still recovering from garden variety flu that doctor suspected off being piggy.
Hope you are back to your usual awesomeness soon.
dizzymum’s last blog post..A conference with the kuds
PMSL, I too know that sexy feeling. I would have hugged him then snort a couple of times while blowing your nose.
I love this sexy feeling, don’t you ??????
Gemisht’s last blog post..A Major Milestone
Why don’t I have slipper socks? Those are HOT!
Lisa’s last blog post..Greyhound Jellies
NOICE!
So they kicked you out of work and made you stay at home, huh?
Oh, and that Lightening McQueen blankie is ALL SORTS of sexy!
goaldeebug’s last blog post..Graduation
Meh! It’s just flu….plaainn old fluu…. it’ll all be over soon… sooon…muhuaahuahahahaaaa
*cue Psycho music*
The good thing about bloated face, it irons out the wrinkles.
*ducks*
anja’s last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday
Impressive, darling.
I love those slippers, they go well with your Lightening McQueen blanky.
Hope you start to feel better soon.
tiff’s last blog post..Hospital day two…
You don’t look too bad in your picture there, just a bit hungover, which is kind of sad, since you probably didn’t have the booze happy high first. I hope you feel better soon. Love the slipper socks.
Tell him not to worry, it’s just ebola.
Lovin’ the slipper socks – much cooler than my plain black ones (which I thankfully won’t have to wear for months because it’s summertime here *grinning maniacally*)
Robin’s last blog post..Church of the Holy Sepulcher – Interior
Where’s the Snuggie?
you know………… if you taped off your house with quarantine signs while the damn emo’s were at school…………..
Mistress B’s last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday
Feel better!!!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark
You are the only person I know who can turn those elf-shoes into FMSSes.
mama edge’s last blog post..Turning it around, part 1: Autism and mood regulation
As someone who survived it last week, I can recommend a diet of Codral Original (the one you have to sign your life away to get hold of) and dried apricots. And the odd wild turkey and coke doesn’t go astray either.
See, I commented! Nyah!
goatlady’s last blog post..Bio-warfare
You still have the lawnmower guy in the middle of your winter? GAWD…I wanna live where you live!
Still have that box of chicken soup??? USE IT and do feel better.
p.s. You still have those awesome eyes, even when they are flu infested!
hotmamamia’s last blog post..The countdown begins
i so thought i had swine flu last week. i always get sick here in Germs (germany.) All these damn conservatives with their strong immune systems and bodies full of bugs.
anyways, i look about a million gazillion times worse than you, kelley, sheeesh.
if that`s meant to be bad forgeddaboutit. Sexy never left.
estelle’s last blog post..DIY Guide to Hogwashing the Stupid Swine Flu
Hehehe.
Feel better soon.
Veronica’s last blog post..EDS is ruining my sex life.
He must have been blinded by your ethereal beauty. Men are pigs!
Hope you are feeling better soon.
Tara R.’s last blog post..What’s the hurry?
Sweetie, I think you are the living embodiement of what the world means when it says, “Give me a break, already!” You definitely need a non-ailment related break! Hope you feel better soon, for sure!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)’s last blog post..tits list 2: bigger, badder and bouncier!
My housemates have been delightfully telling me over the course of today that I “look like shit!” while laughing and jesting that I have the swine flu.
Bastards
I guess I was sick first, so this is a recycled sickness in this house, but I think I have it the worst. Get better soon Kel xoxoxox
You totally should have coughed on him.
Stimey’s last blog post..We’re Going to Draw Straws For the Death Seat
Does misery never end? I hope you feel better soon. But if you don’t, will you leave those slippers to me?
Karen’s last blog post..Becca and Ken Came To Visit
Maybe tell everyone you have the swine flu and you need to be quarantined at some uber expensive hotel that’s right next to a fabulous shoe store…….
shelly’s last blog post..THINGS THAT SUCK…..WITH CUTE SHIT AT THE END.
Your eyes look miserable, but those slipper socks are awesome! I need a pair!
Oh geez! What a jerk. You definitely should have sneezed on your hand and shook his hand to say ‘Thank you.’
Hope you feel better soon!
Momisodes’s last blog post..Keepin’ it real on the DL
Even with the look of misery in your eyes, you are beautiful. Get better soon!
You are in my heart.
P.S. You look about twelve in that pic.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Grace the Twelfth
You so don’t look bad. I hope you feel better soon my dear.
Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts’s last blog post..Me And My Hair-Brain Schemes
It was the fringe that did it.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Feline literature from Guantanamo
I think the fact that you scared yourself is a good sign of good mental health. It’s when you stop caring that it all … oh, never mind. Mine’s already gone and done it.
feel better.
pixiemama’s last blog post..happysad
I actually don’t think you look that bad!
Jeanette’s last blog post..Dry Winter Landscapes
Shoulda sneezed on him.
Sarah’s last blog post..I found my big girl panties.
I’ve been sick for weeks – the number of swine flu jokes and serious questions I’ve got make me seriously angry.
Feel better!
Deidre’s last blog post..Environmental Wednesday: Give Yourself a Pat on the Back Edition
I like Mistress B’s suggestion – crime scene tape all round the house while the emo’s are out.
Then we’ll all come and move in with you!
Jayne’s last blog post..When Mums should just not try to explain…..June 3
Poor baby! Dr. Ree prescribes Nyquil and Jim Beam. XXOO
You’re still beautiful.
Ree’s last blog post..The Rules According to The Hotfessional
Whateves. You’re still beautiful.
jen’s last blog post..Memories of marching band
Oh, honey. Please tell me that before you paid him you, delicately of course, sneezed on the funds…
Krissa’s last blog post..Don’t tell me they can’t be trained…
Ah but can you ‘oink’ while you cough?
That would really freak people out.
Get better soon.
My small girl has some dreaded lurgy which has seen her temperature swing between almost normal and 40 degrees for the past 3 days – as soon as the nurofen wears off, the fever comes back.
Not Very Nice.
Hope you feel better soon.
Amanda’s last blog post..YAY …and arghhh
now… THAT is a way to put it…
get well quickly uh!
urbanvox’s last blog post..I’m back!
Hello, gorgeous! It’s great ot look dreadful when you feel dreadful. I hate when I feel dreadful and look FINE, cuz everyone expects me to be FINE. I like to SOUND really dreadful when I’m sick, too. “Hack, hack, hulllooe? Doh, *sdiff* I’b sig. Uh. Bye.”
Get better soon, but milk it while you can.
Nan’s last blog post..RIP Frankie
My allergies are acting up and I haven’t washed my hair in a few days. I had to run to my kids’ school today because I totally forgot it was a short day and I was dressed in my rags and have unwashed hair, watery eyes, and all the other sickly looking ways I could look (no makeup) and I ran into one of the people who interviewed me for a job recently.
I looked really good at the interview. I’m not sure he even recognized me, which would be a really good thing.
Kylie’s last blog post..The Saddest Thing
You are DAMN sexy. Hell yeah! (Hope you feel better soon. Sexy is even sexier when it isn’t accompanied by The Yucks.
Burgh Baby’s last blog post..An Explanation for My Daughter
Thank goodness I’ve eaten already!
womb for improvement’s last blog post..My Left Foot
That’s a killer look.
How to Party with an Infant’s last blog post..I Like to Move it Move it
The last time SWMBO looked at me with that look, that little fucker got all shriveled up and wouldn’t come out to play for a week.
I would’ve asked him if he had the time, and when he checked his watch, I would’ve licked him. Out of spite. What a DOUCHEBAG
Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting’s last blog post..Fun in the Sun
Sorry, just got in. Feelin betta?
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..To Job or Not to Job