May 2009

I guess I have that kinda face. Well I would prefer that to ‘unforgettable cause you were so fucking wild and bizarre and remember that time you peed in a field and it turned out to be a football oval with a wedding reception overlooking it. And they were toasting the bride?’

I have a shocking memory for names. You can meet me and I will be all BFF and then six months later I will have a vague look on my face like I know I know you but I don’t really know where from, just keep talking and it will come to me but unless [...]

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My daughter: ‘Bwaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa, you didn’t even have to get to the punchline…’

You know that chick at work that I despise with the heat of a thousand suns but I am all nicey nicey fucking vomit nicey to her and it totally drives her BONKERS? Well she went on a cruise… Bitch in QUARANTINE! Bwaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa Oink Oink Karma bit her in her big fat arse. [...]

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Guest Biatches: Dingo – Never Been To Spain

I’m Dingo from As I Was Saying. I know you are all here to read Kelley, but you’re stuck with me today. Sorry, bitches I went to see Wolverine earlier this week. Did I replay the Hugh Jackman in his birthday suit scene over and over again in my dreams that night? Oh, quit whining. [...]

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Guest Biatches: Maggie Dammit

Today’s guest biatch is my lovely Maggie, from the awesomely titled Okay, Fine, Dammit! (and the amazingly powerful and necessary ViolenceUnSilenced.com.) I kinda feel guilty posting this cause it makes this awesomely humble girl a little embarrassed. Cause my GOD it made me blush that someone as wonderful as my girl Maggie could think of [...]

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Full of grate.

I have been quiet of late. Shit, lets be honest, I have been quiet since my little ‘incident’ back in March. I see my blog rankings plummet and I am all fuck it all another fucking thing to add to the list of fucking fuckups that this fuckknuckle of a year has thrown my way. [...]

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Guest biatches: Mama Mara – Virtual casserole for the Awesomeness

Today’s Guest Biatch is my girl Mama Mara from Mama on the Edge. When I think of her I think of awesome. Cause, day-um, that woman is awesome, her day to day musings about parenting 2 TEENS on the Autism Spectrum has me in awe. And hysterics. Us Autism mamas have our own brand of [...]

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Guest Biatches: Why Mommy

Today’s guest biatch is someone special to me. WhyMommy from Toddler Planet. Hers was one of the first blogs I stalked, she gave me my first blog award (my GOD I lost my fucking MIND when that happened!), she introduced me to Twitter – I joined so I could follow her tweets from hospital when [...]

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Guest Biatches: Deb on the Rocks – An Open Letter to Tourism Australia

Today’s guest biatch is Deb from Deb on the Rocks. She was my very first guest poster and totally rocked the blog with her sexual innuendo and Prisoner (Cell Block H) theme, she had my back when I needed her. If I was ever to bat for the other team Deb would be in the [...]

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This made me gaffaw. And not throw up in my mouth at all. Well, maybe just a little, cause you know the whole sympathy vomiting thing.

Remember when I totally lost my shit over Jizz in My Pants and was like singing it over and over and totally wanted it as my ringtone and then thought better of it cause my whole office goes on red alert when my mobile rings and then I would have to explain what jizz is [...]

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Don’t read this post while eating soup. AKA Tuesdays suck

When I was a teen I didn’t like Sundays. Sunday signified the end of the weekend, the end of fun, the start of a new week and OMG I have so much homework and I have to get it all done today with a hangover after such a fun filled weekend of partying feeding the [...]