**edited to add: I totally misspelt Morrissey and no one picked it up. And, far too late now probably, apparently when I insert youtube clips they don’t show up in feedreaders and the lazy douches that don’t click over from their feedreaders to ensure that I get my 3 cents a month from the ads to pay for the geriatric medications I am now on don’t actually KNOW that there is a youtube clip embedded in the post and are all ‘what the fuck is she smoking’ and I would be all ‘nothing, now thanks for reminding me biatches’ and then realise that it was probably not a good idea to abuse my lovelies at the start of a post that has already gone to the feedreaders and the people I am abusing will probably never see this so just ignore if you read this. K?**
Oh the cuteness.
Oh the adorableness.
Oh the OMGiness.
Makes me want to go and punch a puppy. I mean, hug the world.
Who am I kidding? I think I just went into a diabetic coma from the sweetness and I don’t wanna do that again cause Michael Jackson was in there hugging the bunnehs and not wearing that surgical mask and I could totally see his brain through his nose holes and it is like one of those arty farty things where the mirror is reflected in the mirror, reflected in the mirror, reflected in the mirror and I was sucked into his brain and it was made of marshmallow.
I hate marshmallow.
I need to find a kitten to kick.
Especially now seeing I lost this fucking post to the Wordpress 2.7 Gods (who are all upgrade to our new Wordpress 2.7.1 already biatch! We keep reminding you and you are all lalalalalalala not listening. We will continue to smite your arse until you upgrade) and had to write it all over again and now it is slightly different but Michael Jacksons brain is still made of marshmallow. Cause Wordpress 2.7 eating my post does not change the facts just how they are relayed.
In other news, The Golden Child is in the hospital. Fucker trying to steal my thunder.
So I totally called him as he was coming out of surgery and his angel of a girlfriend held the phone up to his head so I could say ‘Fucker trying to steal my thunder. I had a stroke I WIN!’
And then my boss called me into his office to tell me that my job has been reclassified AGAIN and I have to reapply for it AGAIN and then he was all ‘how are you feeling?’ and I was all ’see this in my hands? This is your pancreas do you want it replaced orally or rectally?’ and then I went home and ate a diet chocolate bar.
And that shit is fucked. Cause it was more air than chocolate and I kept looking at the wrapper going ‘WTF? Where did it go?’ and realised that they are right when they say ‘Snickers really satisfies’ cause low fat diet chocolate is an abomination.
So I watched this:
and now I have my own list biatches. Best you don’t be on it.
{ 37 comments }
Damn, someone forgot to change Seth McFarlanes diaper again. That was good rhyming, though. Shakira’s lyricist. Hold on. Let me get a tissue. OK, I’m better. Hope your lobe is doing better.
Holy crap! I’m first? Do I win a prize, or something? I’m usually in the basement.
NukeDad’s last blog post..Take The “L”
I love The List. Stewie is my idol.
I can’t believe they’re making you apply for your job yet again… Where’s the logic?
Good grief. Hang in there, you know we’re hanging on your every word.
AmberDBTD’s last blog post..I forgot!
The boss needs a brain transplant and thanks for the laughs. I needed them.
Well, the good news is that the effects of the stroke have worn off.
Good to have you back, yo.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..Like It’s Nineteen Eighty Nine
…slowly backing away not poking a stick at the scary emo lady…
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]’s last blog post..A blog about nothing
Your job is being reclassified again? Is your HR department bored out of their minds or do they just really love to see you strut your awesomeness every time you have to reapply for your job?
Also I totally agree with you that diet chocolate bars are fucked up. They just replace the fat with more sugar and not only do they not satisfy you but they are worse for you than the real versions.
Riayn’s last blog post..BBC Top 100 Big Read List
wtf, kel! wtf!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..At a loss for words … and intelligence
My Honey always has to outdo me. If I come to her saying I sprained an ankle, she’ll go and break her leg. Really, every time I complain about anything I know the day will end with me waiting for her in the ER. It’s really annoying.
People in the Sun’s last blog post..My Worst Job Ever
Diet chocolate? wtf is that? Are you trying to kill yourself? Get some real choc into you, quick.
And the job? I would totally not give him back his pancreas at all.
spotrick’s last blog post..Thoughts on interest rates
Oh dear. Motherfucker’s are really trying to make it easy on you. Of course applying for your own job is just what you need right now.
By the way, just as an aside, don’t go making fun of the god of all things slightly camp and gorgeously awesome. Morrisey is a GOD, Kelley. A GOD.
Ali’s last blog post..Money can’t buy happiness – unless happiness is a handbag, in which case it can
Stewie is AWESOME…Diet chocolate is NOT awesome..its got that bizaro texture thingy going on with it…how can you eat diet chocolate now?..It’s nearly easter!! I was going to start a diet[bullshit]..but its tooo close to glorious EASTER!!!
shelly’s last blog post..CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY I DYED MY FUCKING HAIR?…WELL?
Low fat diet chocolate is an insult to abominations everywhere. Couldn’t you just eat regular chocolate but in (much) smaller amounts?
Michael Jackson wears a mask because he no longer has a face, just that poorly molded piece of white plastic. I think the only original piece of MJ now is his eyes.
Who TF do you work for????
There’s got to be a rule about not piling extra stress on the person who’s returning to work after serious illness…..
What is wrong with these people?
Amanda’s last blog post..Possum Unmagic
That Michael J. has some body dysmorphic isues, yeah?
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..Can’t Find Good Pussy in a Buick
You want I should put on my Don’t F w/ me pumps and come help you kick your coworker’s butts? ‘Cause I will.
Can I sleep on yer couch?
Glad you are feeling better, now get back to teh funny!
<3 T.
T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..Don’t Tell Me Motherhood Sucks
Sounds like somebody needs a little chat from the equal opportunity people… Equal opportunity for pancreas removal. You in a union?
Chookie’s last blog post..Recognising Autumn
I can beat that! I love Morrissey, thought I had mispelled it but was too lazy to open a new tab and google so I scrolled up and checked your spelling and thought – Kelley musta checked it! Shame, shame, Derryn Hinch, shame.
Ali’s last blog post..“I don’t care”
I think MJ’s nose is certainly just a marshmallow. That thing disintegrates and falls off more than most other peoples.
Deidre’s last blog post..With my hit single "Back off my uterus, bitch"
WTF is a diet chocolate bar? We don’t have those in this part of the world.
That would be, so not worth it.
Unless of course you mean soy chocolate. We have a lot of that here. Which is almost as bad as diet chocolate. But good for those of us who can’t have dairy.
Kylie’s last blog post..I Just May Kill Someone
Don’t they have laws to protect someone who is just back from sick leave so they don’t have to reapply for their own freaking job?
I think they are being extra turdy.
Even though you totally made fun of my work desk.
witchypoo’s last blog post..I Heart Bullets
Reapplying for your own flippin’ job AGAIN?!?
Sheesh.
Tammy’s last blog post..Get Off My Shoulder, Or Give Me $5,000.
Aww…how sweet of the boss to inform you of the job situation again BEFORE asking how you were feeling. That’s just downright classy. Sheesh. I can’t believe you have to go through that stress again!
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)’s last blog post..tonight’s episode – ‘the case of the filched fire wood!’
WOOT! Nobody steals your thunder! It sounds like you are feeling better and that is the purest kind of awesome….
Diet chocolate is an oxymoron.
magpie’s last blog post..Rainbows and Polar Bears
Low fat Cadbury Chocolate Mousse pots? They saved me when I was on doing weight watchers.
Jo’s last blog post..funny men
For the record, I see the embedded videos on my Bloglines reader and I totally also saw the abuse!! I did click over here to let you know that, but I didn’t realize you don’t get clickity click points when my lazy arse does not clickety click from the reader?!? So thanks for knocking some sense into those of us who were in the dark and/or do not blog.
And the employer thing? Straight out of The Office, is it not? Heartless bastards.
6 cartons of low fat pringles a day…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Perfect timing
Do not give back that pancreas. I love Stewie.
Jennifer’s last blog post..Did You Get Dizzy With That Spin?
I loves me some Stewie………… I need my own list lol
Mistress B’s last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday
“now it is slightly different but Michael Jacksons brain is still made of marshmallow. Cause Wordpress 2.7 eating my post does not change the facts just how they are relayed.” LOVE IT. But what the hell are you trying to do, give us all strokes w/ that vid? GAWD.
YOU ARE BACK!!!!!! I fucking LOVE STEWIE and that clip…I WANT A LIST!!!! And where in the hell do you find these clips???
I cannot believe that you have to reapply for your job again….then again, this might be a blessing in disguise…..hmmm…
I am so glad to see that your complete and total awesomeness is really, really back!
hotmamamia’s last blog post..reflections on: my mind
I totally think you should AT LEAST be able to gorge on decent chocolate … after all, stroke followed by thunder-theft = G-O-D-I-V-A.
Maternal Mirth’s last blog post..And She Received the Divorce Papers the Very Next Day …
The puppies! The kittens! More sugar than the loads of Smarties I’ve just eaten.
Ree’s last blog post..However.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
I can’t play the vid coz Feral Beast is sitting at his ‘puter and I don’t think he’s up to the Russian phrase for “WTF are you watching, Mum?”
Jayne’s last blog post..Just back from the opthamologist and….
Is it safe? It’s after midnight, right? So she’s sleeping.
Just wanted to say that you weren’t included in the list because you … YOU, my love … are incomparable.
Ok, that’s it, I’m out of lurk mode. Loved that post. When the shit hits your fan, you certainly know how to deflect it. All this with Gilbert & Sullivan rehashed by Stewie. You are now my hero.
Damn, I couldn’t watch the family guy video. Some nonsense about copyright issues. They just don’t want me to watch it. They let me watch the bunneh one though – that sort of thing just isn’t healthy.
I think that your boss needs his pancreas set on fire and then re-inserted rectally. Twat.
Barbara’s last blog post..91/365 – Feeling Better
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