See the category I used for this post? Shit, I crack my own shit up.
Like how I finally got moved from the Emergency Department to the wards after 4 days and my room mate went home and left me a little present in the toilet to remember her by.
And now I have to pay 8 bucks a day for tv, when in the ER it was fucking free.
And how the food ain’t got no better but the portions seem to be getting smaller so either the doc has told them to slim my stroking arse down or they just got sick of me wasting all that food.
Like how I am on blood pressure tablets and blood thinners but my blood pressure is low and apparently something about my blood clotting slower than it should. Someone wanna esplain that to me?
Like how now I am up to 21 vials of blood drawn, 3 ultrasounds, a CT Scan and a failed MRI
Like how I hate that fucking MRI and I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK but I have to cause I am a sooky fucking panic ridden idiot and if I had just grown some fucking balls and sucked it up and been a man and just gritted my teeth and bared it I would be home right now slugging back Pina Coladas.
Like how I cannot get this song out of my head.
cause I am a sick bitch and when Moo was complaining about being tired or something (I wasn’t listening cause I don’t have to cause I am POORLY) I turned to her and said ‘I had a stroke. I win’
Like how I need to finish up, pack up my laptop and go home for my birthday party (albeit very late, for those arsehats that didn’t mark the birth of the awesome one in your calendars, it was Thursday) and a nice long shower in my own shower with my own towels that have not been used at some stage to wipe up someones excrement. Well someone not related to me anyway.
and hope like fuck that no one is sitting in that bed next to me when I get back. Mumma needs her beauty sleep.
{ 59 comments }
K – you awesome thing you, how did this happen? Get well sooner than instantly!
magpie’s last blog post..As American as Apple 3.14159
Oh Kel, sure hope you improve and get thee arse out of there asap. Happy birthday for Thursday but what a ratty way to spend it.
xx
Hurry up and get better woman! And can’t they sedate you for the MRI? They have to sedate Jaymes, and do him in one of those papoose things.
AmberDBTD’s last blog post..Sometimes all the accomplishments get lost in the daily challenges
I think you can use “I had a stroke. I win.” for a long, long time. At least until this coming weekend. After that, you’re going to have to come up with something new. Leprosy maybe?
Dingo’s last blog post..Red Read Well
MRI are no fun whatsoever, but they should be able to give you something to make you all relaxed and sleepy whilst you are in the tube.
Hope that you have a relaxing time at home and that you get the room all to yourself when you go back to the hospital.
Riayn’s last blog post..Semantics
That fucking sucks. Hope you are back home and wrapped in excrement free towels soon.
I hope you’re home and kickin’ arse very soon.
Tara R.’s last blog post..Weekly Winners ~ tricks
Have mercy, womyn. Fire, Marburg, stroke…what’s next up your sleeve?
derfina’s last blog post..Circling Our Wagons
Damn. I guess this means I have to be nice to you now so your brain doesn’t explode.
I’ll be extra nice to you since your gibbled.
Get better soon so I can resume my bantering with you. Heh.
MRIs freak me out, too. It takes me three days for my energy field to get back to normal afterwards. I never failed one, though. That’s awesome!
witchypoo’s last blog post..Teh Awesome One Needs You
Hospitals are not in the least bit awesome, and you? You are so utterly awesome! You need to get your act together and get yourself home!
Clarence Carter…hehahahaha…
foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)’s last blog post..you know how rock radio stations have silly names for the days of the week? well, I dub this ‘thuck you, thursday!’
I had an MRI done last year… it sucked. Do what you need to do and get back home.
Thinking about you.
OHmommy’s last blog post..Cooking in leotards with Lola: Part 2 (Stuffed Cabbage)
Always having to do something big to get attention….
Hope your brain heals real soon.
I assume that you got really excited about one of the presents that you had bought yourself for your birthday and your brain imploded at the sheer awesomeness of it – so what was it?
gnometree’s last blog post..Things I will never understand…
gawd, I hate to have roommates in the hospital. It’s bad enough that you are sick enough to have to be there without having to listen to you roommates snore and fart and whine. Can you ask for a private room?
Karen’s last blog post..The La Paz County Fair
No Fun in Hospital.
Claustrophobia… manning up not such an option. You poor thing! Yes, beg for drugs.
I hope you’re home in your own bed quick smart. Click your ruby heels, honey!
Jo’s last blog post..
Hey Hun,
thinking of you. Hope you are out and back in the land of the interwebs soon
much love
xx
Joyce’s last blog post..What do to do on weekends in Weipa
Hey Hun,
thinking of you. Hope you are out and back in the land of the interwebs soon
much love
xx
I had hernia repair surgery and you were jealous so you went and had a frickin’ stroke? Loon! I would have let you win if you had just ASKED ME.
You win.
Now come home and start bitching from Twitter. It’s somehow more amusing in fifteen rapid-fire 140 character bursts.
You’re in my prayers (when I’m not praying that I finally take a crap).
<3
Sarah’s last blog post..Where joy lies
You have to get home to see the fabulously awesome ecard I sent you (on time) for your birthday!
I’m having a late birthday too, it’s all good.
Mistress B’s last blog post..Stimulating our future.
Just don’t fuck with the medical staff – no jokes, no teases, don’t tell them how bad their shoes are. Play it straight up and get your lovely ass out of there in one piece – healthy.
lceel’s last blog post..And the beat goes on, and the beat goes on
Those MRI machines are worse than the 7th level of hell. I’ve had two and all they found were “shadows” that were unexplainable.
So when I say my brain is cloudy, it’s the damn truth.
GET HOME and GET TO YOUR COMPY! We miss you!
Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]’s last blog post..Weekly Winners 3.8.9 – 3.14.9
seriously, now, stop lollygagging in hospital beds and get home so you can blog and plurk in peace!!!!!!!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Weekly Winners: March 8-14
I’m not a man for MRI neither. RRRGH!
Hey, get better. K?
Oh god, how hospitals suck.
Poor you. Hope you can get home for good soon.
x
Ali’s last blog post..When you are practising good standards of personal grooming, using a device that requires electricity, be careful.
Mazel tov for getting out of ER.
ER is for losers.
And for poor people who can’t even afford to rent a TV. And for people who like to eat a lot. I mean, seriously.
And have a great birthday. You deserve it.
People in the Sun’s last blog post..My Rite Aid Story
It’s very difficult to read this now. You know why.
Get the fuck home already, woman. And just pretend the MRI is 20 minutes of bondage before the best *censored* of your life. Works every time.
Mr Lady’s last blog post..In The Velvet Darkness
Dude, hospital sucks. Hurry up and get better and get them to send you home!
(editing, cos somehow I lost some words)
xx
Veronica’s last blog post..Toys!
Not even a stroke can keep the funny away from you. Most definitely the awesome one! Now go home already before I have to chase you there with mah beatin stick. (And not the good kind, since I don’t have one of *those*)
Ookayyy. This comment got out of hand rather quickly…
Lynn (Walking With Scissors)’s last blog post..Mother Nature Can Suck it
I agree with Dingo, you can totally use this for a long time.
But, I hope that it NEVER happens again!
Rachael’s last blog post..Watch Watchmen
Get better soon. happy b’day for last thursday. Yes you do win.
Widget’s last blog post..lesson for the soul
I’m so glad to hear you’re okay. Take your medication, follow the rules, and get home quickly. There’s no place as comfortable as your own bed.
You are surely in dire need of some AWESOME pampering for you awesome self…and I would be playing the stroke/sympathy card to buy more shoes [than usual]..
shelly’s last blog post..A meme invite…for me?…Shit…I hope I dont fuck it up.
You are surely in dire need of some AWESOME pampering for you awesome self…and I would be playing the stroke/sympathy card to buy more shoes [than usual]..
If it helps, Itai just had an MRI and once it was over he said that the worst part by far was the needle in his arm. FYI, he also pretended to be an astronaut, and that the noises he heard were his lasers blasting asteroids. Might help you
.
Hang in there kiddo, you’ve got a lot of people pulling for you.
xox
Robin’s last blog post..Nearing the finish line
I like Mr Lady’s idea of MRI fantasy. You could incorporate astronauts there too (ooh, I like a man in a NASA uniform)
With enough diazepam to slump you backwards out of your mind as well, you’ll be through it in no time.
<3
Laura’s last blog post..Lighthouse love
Well at least they found a brain! And now you can join facebook and say that on your mind is a small clot of blood or something!
Fifikins’s last blog post..Happy ∏ day!
I just love you!
“I had a stroke. I win!” BEST.LINE.EVER.
Kylie’s last blog post..But It Has Melted!
You win. I love you. That was awesome. Be well soon.
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..Legacy
I hope you’re home and back to your pre-strokealicious goodness soon!
Well that all sounds crap. Get MPS to bring you extra food when you have to go back and get better really soon.
Barbara’s last blog post..74/365 – Spring Sunshine
Lord thats a pile of comments.
and all that i just discovered YOUR IN THE F”N Hospital!
WTF?
I take a blog break and to make me feel like a complete shit,
you get sick.
and now I has a sad.
okay okay
Gonna send a virtual hug and virtual flowers, ( do you know how much it costs to send real ones to Australia from here? OMG)
and then I can get mushy and stuff or I can get bitchy and stuff
or up for both..
and say
Pretty please get better soon so I don’t have to throw away my life savings and come over there and kick your but healthy!
geez…
((((HUG)))
I am not surprised you failed the MRI, how could they expect you to study for it when you are sick! You will pass it the second time round though cos you are awesome.
Sueblimely’s last blog post..Best Thunderbird Addins To Save Time
You totally win.
Just imagine there are a load of little ninja’s with awesome shoes running around in the MRI, and that’s the reason for the noise? Or perhaps not. Seriously, I have no good advice, because I’m terminally useless, but I send you all my best wishes Kelley!
Kath’s last blog post..My results!!
Holy Shit, girlfriend. What the fuck is going on with you? I feel like I just crawled out from under a rock. Get better soon!!!
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..I’m Still Here
I am soooo glad to see that your humor is entirely intact…GIRLFRIEND, that is what is most important…if you have humor, you have everything!
I do have to second everyone’s comments on your line..I had a stroke, I win! God, that is perfect.
I did remember your birthday and DID send you a fun (don’t know how awesome, but definitely fun) card…I know you will have a good one once you are home and in your own space.
And, the chicken soup IS on the way!
hotmamamia’s last blog post..i are a ph.d.
Ya knoooooow… you can practice for that MRI. Just crawl under your bed and stretch out. Lie on your back and drag your suitcases up to each side of you. Now you need to get them standing upright, so that you are sufficiently encased and pull them up close to you… Riiiight, now try to breathe. Are you able to breathe? Well, if you are, your not doing it right.
Krissa’s last blog post..Periodic Table of Typefaces- My brother is now a rock star.
very very very VERY glad that you are OK. I know I’m a background person, but you and yours matter to me.
WRT MRI — I had one a few years back — utterly bemused that they offer you a radio station to listen to and then turn on the industrial-deafness-inspiring DOCK DOCK DOCK noises. Radiologist rather apologetic :>
Woman, alright already!
Stop with the tequila slammers and they’ll probably let you go home!
MRI trick – close your eyes the entire time you’re in there and do not peek at all. Tell ‘em to whack on some funky Clarence Carter (Strokin’ 1 & 2), Right Said Fred (I’m too sexy) and Strut by Sheena Easton and then lay back and think of Tasmania.
Jayne’s last blog post..Finnegan’s Wake Trivial Rattlin’ Bog History Whiskey in the March Jar 17
Are we STILL on the whole ‘I had a stroke’ drama?
Seriously woman, it’s been nearly a week.
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Pros & cons
While hospitals do do (haha dodo) awesome things, they are in fact not awesome places to be. Although this hospital you’re in is now exponentially awesomer due to your presence. In math terminlogy — H < (u+e^A)
Hope you feel way better soon!
Deidre’s last blog post..A photo meme, WAhooo
You going home! Yay!
My birthday did not suck at all, so you definitely win. I’m sending you thought-flowers… Hummmmmmmmmmm….. See? On the kitchen table?
Get better.
Nan’s last blog post..Don’t Panic!
A get well soon site for you Kelly – did not have your address to send a card
http://theawesome.pbwiki.com/
All are welcome to add pages and add pickies, videos and anything cheery, funny, wacky or bizarre to brighten Kelley’s recovery time
Sueblimely’s last blog post..Best Thunderbird Addins To Save Time
Love you honey. I mean bee-yotch. Yea, that’s it.
And please ignore that tear running down my face. I yawned. No, wait. I got some dust in my eye. Yea, that’s it.
Mwah.
Ree’s last blog post..Mute Monday – Hell
Wow, you are definately having a string of bad luck in the health department.
Happy to see you still have your sense of humor.
Don’t think I would.
Happy Belated Birthday and remember– better days are comin’!
eileen’s last blog post..If You’re Lucky Enough To Be Irish….You’re Lucky Enough!
Holy fucking shit. I fall of the face of the earth for a few months and look what the hell you do???? Get your ass stuck in a HOSPITAL where I’m pretty sure they don’t let you wear cute shoes.
Tell them that it is in your health insurance for you to qualify for a free pair of Manolos. If they don’t listen to you, just let me know. I’ll make those fuckers PAY.
In the meantime, get better. I mean it. Don’t make me beg. I’m not good at it. But I’d do it … for you
M
Cookiebitch’s last blog post..GIRL SCOUTS ARE EVIL
I am not a regular, but I wanted to come wish you some quick recovery wishes and some “that just sucks” wishes too.
Oh, and this….
ClarenceCarterClarenceCarterClarenceCarter….ooooo shit ClarenceCarter.
When I was in Jr. High I thought that song was hot shit.
Get well soon.
Lesha’s last blog post..Gymness in Random Repose
At least the stroke didn’t get the sense of humor cells.
Seriously, it’s great to hear your voice again (’cause trust me, you can hear it through the computer). I hope you’re home and at 100 percent again soon. I’ve been thinking of you.
Stimey’s last blog post..I Love the Smell of Napalm in the Morning…
God, hospitals suck (no offence to the mainly fantastic people who work there.) But be honest. There is always one bitchy nurse/dr/orderly/x-ray dude or whatever in hospitals. But most of them are totally awesome people. It’s not their fault that strokes, excrement, and other crap happens.
But I really hope you are better soon, and being fed gourmet food and using faeces-free towels very soon. Oh – and maybe someone should buy you an awesome pair of shoes?
dizzy mum’s last blog post..Flu, Fire and Rain
Oh darling girl – you cracketh me up inappropriately time and again.
I’ve been considering the nature of life the universe and bloody CLP400 multiliteracies and EDP415 Engaging Diverse Learners for the past week and have been so head-down-bum-up that I’ve almost managed to crawl inside myself …. but I’m glad I crawled out to check on you.
You get better soon ya hear!
Amanda’s last blog post..From personal drama to community disaster
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