So I bet you are all dying to know what the doctor said, Darlink.
Refreshing your feed over and over, because you just have to know.
So you can send me presents and shit. Right?
Better be right.
So apparently I have a sports injury.
Which in itself is fucking hilarious seeing I have avoided anything sports related since that Roman Rings debacle in High School. White pants, special time, up really really high with everyone watching. Enough said.
Technically it is supraspinatus tendonitis, which for some reason made me think of Spongiform Encephalopathy and I was all WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT I don’t go kissing no cows. And I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t the Marburg, cause that is so much easier to say than supraspinatus tendonitis with tendon calcification and bone spurs.
Y’all. I have fucking bone spurs. Where is my chewing ta-baccy?
Obviously it is from all that high fiving myself due to my freaking awesomeness that has damaged my shoulder. I may have to employ minions to perform the high fiving, after intense training on how to do it properly.
And speaking of doing things properly.
How to NOT mop a floor: Use a bucket of lukewarm water to slosh around the floor and move the dirt around.
How to mop a floor properly: Take out chairs and toys and general shit on the floor. Thoroughly vacuum areas to be mopped. Fill bucket full of hot water with some sort of floor cleaner in it and mop areas in sections, changing the water when it gets dirty.
I mean for fucks sake it is common sense.
Maybe my little obsession of having a different mop for the bathroom might be seen by some as a little excessive. But I say to some if you are mopping the bathroom floor of a litre of fucking 10 year old boy urine every fucking day you wouldn’t want that mop being used on your kitchen floor. Trust me on that one.
Back to my sports injury Darlink. So I went to see Natasha and she was all ‘mmmm, x-rays are bad, darlink. Big needle. You want big needle?’ and I was all ‘fuck no. Big needle sounds like big hurty’
So she gave me a referral to a surgeon and told me that if I couldn’t get in right away to call her and she would talk to him.
And sent me on my way with a bag full of pills and a direction to wear the damn sling already.
With the words ‘surgeon’ and ‘big needle’ floating in my head I decided to do what any insane person with a death wish would do and take my very overwhelmed, full day of school and then hour and a half wait in the doctors surgery with nothing to do or eat, flapping and squealing son to Safeway.
Where he went batshit fucking crazy. As you do when your mother is freaking the fuck out, can’t carry anything and it is 5.30pm and Safeway is FULL of people. Including many of my workmates and Boo’s teachers.
I am waiting for Child Services to knock on my door after I totally lost my shit in the laundry aisle.
In front of one of his teachers.
Where is mah chewin ta-backy.
So I have spent the last few days either whining in pain or bitching. Which is pretty much the same thing just different decibles.
I am sick of me.
And it is only gunna get worse my lovelies.
But look on the bright side. You love me when I am pissed off and snarky.
Oh and BTW, I called the surgeon. I the next available appointment, just for him to have a look at my x-rays, is on the nineteenth.