February 2009

I am fairly certain the doc doubling my dose of drugs is not a positive move. In other news I cannot feel my arse.

So I went back to the doctors today. Not to see Natasha, darlink, cause she is in witness protection jail not in this week. My Twitter bitches know all about that with my constant twitters ending in #ratfucksonofabitch. I saw someone new. Who didn’t resemble a cartoon character or former president. But his name was [...]

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Be nice to your children. Cause one day they will be straightening your hair for you and you want to keep your ears. Trust me on that.

When The Damn Emos were little girls, pretty blonde things, looking at their mummy in awe and amazement, I would do their hair every morning. Moo with her dead straight naturally highlighted hair, usually in two ponytails or plaits. Too with her waist length ringlets in either a high pony, with cascading curls around her [...]

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Fresh as a biscuit.

Me: ‘Boo, you are going in the shower in 5 minutes.’ Boo: ‘Nope. I don’t need a shower’ Me: ‘Yes you do. You stink.’ Boo, sniffing himself: ‘Nope. I am fresh as a biscuit.’ I don’t know what sort of biscuits that kid is eating but day-um they must be super healthy cause they smell [...]

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Acknowledging your own damn awesomeness is dangerous. OR Pain sucks yo. OR How to mop a floor properly biatches.

So I bet you are all dying to know what the doctor said, Darlink. Refreshing your feed over and over, because you just have to know. So you can send me presents and shit. Right? Better be right. So apparently I have a sports injury. Which in itself is fucking hilarious seeing I have avoided [...]

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FUCK FUCKITY FUCKNESS. save me. Send wine.

Right now my mother is here. That’s right. MOTY. She is cleaning and cooking and putting shit in places that they Just. Don’t. Go. People. She is mopping the floors. The. Wrong. Way. She is coming back tomorrow to clean the kids rooms. My mother and I in close quarters for two days straight. Save [...]

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Something that made me laugh till I lost bladder control and I want a pet Russian. If they come in 1 inch tall models, I will take a dozen.

So I am day 5 of sitting on my fat arse doing fuck all, typing one handed and being generally pissy about the whole damn situation. Oh, I am a JOY to be around, people. Everything is pissing me off. Especially punctuation. That shit is fucked up when typing one handed. I have already been [...]

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Things that make me go weak at the knees.

This morning I woke pissed. Tired. Sore. Arm achy stabby ratfucksonofabitching. Moo with her head in the toilet bowl. Vodka shots with her friends last night. Luckily all the guys there were into each other rather than her. IfyouknowwhatImean. My valentine snoring loudly and hogging the bed, Boo running around, ‘Horton Hears a Who’ on [...]

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From the doctors surgery that brought you gems like ‘Chlamydia of the throat’…

we have ‘broken shoulder Darlink’. Remember when I took my 14 year old daughter Too to the doctor and Boris Yeltsin looked down her throat and diagnosed Chlamydia? No? Read this, it is OK, I will wait… Caught up? Awesome. So I went back to the doc, cause my medical practitioner wrongdiagnosis.com was not good [...]

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The clean up begins.

Fires still burn throughout the state. Fires still burn here. But life goes on, and the clean up and rebuilding of lives begins. Apparently there is a list of the dead in the paper. The paper is now nestled in the bin. I don’t want to know yet. My heart skips a beat every time [...]

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Everything is grey.

I have been trying to write a post. A post to thank. A post to calm. A post to share. But I just can’t deal right now. I am fine. The house is fine. The kids are fine. And you know what ‘fine’ means. So yeah. Too many friends have lost homes. Still more are [...]