Every now and then (read not very often) I get the fee-vah.
The good little Sally Housewife/Super Mummy vapours.
It is not sweeping the ceilings kinda fee-vah – but they do look a little dusty – but bad enough to send my chillen scurrying away lest I wanna clean behind their ears or something.
Would probably need a stool to do that anyway.
So while I was mopping the floors (I KNOW! I totally had to spell check that word, it is so foreign. Probably French for ‘Mon Dieu that floor is sticky!’) I was eyeing off the toy box and the tv cabinet in the family room and thinking about how I could rearrange everything.
Oh and on the weekend I completely cleaned out my wardrobe (I KNOW! I totally had to spell check ‘cleaned’, I was thinking it was cleeeeened or something. Or spelt fuck-that-I-don’t-do-that-shit, like in my wedding vows. Totally made MPS’s aunties swoon with the loveliness of the phrase. Well I think they were swooning) and stored* all the clothes I haven’t worn in ages or used to look good before I got this huge arsed arse.
* when stored means chucked them all in garbage bags in the broken ensuite shower and closed the curtain.**
** I am pretty sure that when you do the ‘*’ thing it is supposed to be at the end of the posty thingy. Meh.***
*** you know that Meh is now in the dictionary? So why is the WordPress 2.7 spell checker still doing the underline? Keep up with the times WordPress 2.7 spell checker! And while you are at it, how about adding ‘WordPress’ to your list of words?****
**** It has come to my attention that you can add words to the WordPress 2.7 spell checker. But I say FUCK THAT SHIT I am paying good money… wait… ignore that… as you were…
So I have been cleaning and rearranging and then I was all ‘Lets all go shopping! And not to the local easy to get to, go in and out, no other shops around supermarket. No, lets go to the shopping centre with tons of shops and people and stuff and food courts with their totally overpriced food where Boo is guaranteed to chuck a fucking huge meltdown of epic proportions’ to buy cleaning stuff.
And Hot Dogs.
And Twisties Zig Zags.
Cause my arse just ain’t wide enough.
And the things on my shopping list that I made when I was menu planning.
Oh. Yes. I. Did.
So I get everyone ready. Pack my NEW fabulous handbag that Santa brought me a week late (bastard) and go to walk out the door.
Hmmm. Where are my car keys?
Call MPS who admits that he has both sets. And he got a lift to work today so no-fucking-need for car keys.
So I rip him a new arse via telephony and he drops everything to bring the keys so I can take our little darlings out shopping. Where ‘drops everything’ means takes his sweet arsed time while Too and Boo are all ‘whine whine whiney whine’. We do the shopping thang. I drop some serious cash on MORE back to school shit and Boo does not disappoint by chucking a wobbly in Safeway, the food court and the carpark.
And then, THEN the arm that has been niggly hurty for the last few weeks decides to completely cease to work and hang limply and pathetically at my side in a sort of fuck you and your housewifey adventures gesture.
Housework and Awesome Mummy equals pain and necessitates copious amounts of drugs and alcohol.
Now I know why those 50′s housewives were so fucking chipper.
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Ignore all the bad stuff Kel. Just remember, you went SHOPPING. That’s the important stuff.
Haha! Awesome. Sometimes I get in that mode…
Funny story: I went so long without cooking at one point the boy asked me “why would you cook?” LOL
Domestic goddess I am not.
Kimberlee’s last blog post..Reflections on President Obama’s Inauguration
That booze and pills will do it every time!!
Chipper Kelley – that must be scary as all get out for your kids! lmao
Mistress B’s last blog post..The Other Day I Went School Shoe Shopping
Ease up on the drugs OK?
Not the painkillers. I mean the ones you were on when you started all this *cleaning* and *mopping*
spotrick’s last blog post..Day 21/365 : Salsa
I think Chipper Kelley needs to come to my house.
We could have some fun.
Or I could anyways.
heh.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..How the President Kicked Me in the Arse
See? Cleaning is evil. Look what it brought you… physical and emotional woes. I hope we all learned a valuable lesson here.
Jim’s last blog post..Totally Ignoring the Inauguration…
I always find a large vodka works wonders in creating chipper 50′s-style housewife skills. Mumma’s little helper …
dizzy mum’s last blog post..And so this was Christmas …
Can ya just gimme a clue what set off this frenzy- I WANT SOME!??
Kay’s last blog post..Yet another visit to the gardens…
You said chipper…
Xbox4NappyRash’s last blog post..Return of civilisation
God I love Coles Online, no more supermarket meltdowns
After 6 weeks with no home and no way to prepare my own food, I am seriosuly LONGING to do some house shit… sad huh?
I’m sure it will wear off within 24 hours of getting my own place LOL
Im glad Boo didnt disappoint, there is nothing more distressing than thinking there might be something wrong with one of your kids.
GoaldeeBug’s last blog post..Southern Hospitality – everything you heard is true.
Good story.
I sometimes enjoy feeling domestic. Fortunately for me it usually passes quickly before I exert myself too much.
How ironic, I too mopped for the first time in a good 4 months. I hate mopping, and really think we need dirt colored floors so it is no longer necessary. I must have been on a manic episode, because I did the entire house!
I do not even own a mop. As if I would use one if I had it. No, when this little floor of mine gets cleaned in the mopping sense of cleaning, the husband does it with a rag, on his knees. So there.
Karen’s last blog post..Gluten Free Fried Chicken
Doing things like that usually means I spend untold amounts of money on storage containers. Snirk.
Ree’s last blog post..Take THAT Alltop!
Next time you feel that urge to clean? Please come over to my house.
12ontheinside’s last blog post..It’s Raining, It’s Pouring
I need me some of that cleaning frenzy drug.
I dunno – I seem to always be picking up something or other and putting it back-where-it-may-or- may-not-belong-but-at-least-I-won’t-step-on-it-again. But my feral little monsters are experts at trashing the house with the contents of their entire toy box within 5 minutes of me tidying it. AND they strike every room with force. AND they are allergic to picking up their toys – I’ve even tried the art of actually throwing toys out to make the point that I’ll bin their stuff if they don’t pick it up.
So my house always looks like a cyclone has hit it.
Amanda’s last blog post..That bloke that does the silly dance on the tele
The booze and pills helps if you have them BEFORE the cleaning and mopping as well
Momisodes’s last blog post..Evolution
Also, Wordpress does not like ‘blogging’. I don’t think it feels it should be used as a verb. It amuses me.
Ali’s last blog post..The last 18 hours of my life…. a recipe
Zig zag twisties? I lurve zig zag twisties.
I wonder if you can brew zig zag twisties…
tiff’s last blog post..I love…
It’s true! Housework does ruin arms. I was cleaning the glass counter on the ciggie kiosk this morning, because the store was getting a VERY IMPORTANT VISITOR, (like I cared), turned my hand and wrist just a little too much and sent bolts of pain spiralling up my arm which is now useless and I have to turn the grilling sausages with my left hand. So of course I dropped one on the floor, but I swept that last week, so not too much dust and fluff on the sausage….
love the way you writte. makes me smile.
I never get cleaning fevah. My consolation is that my house will never get as filthy sa the houses i see in that program “how clean is your house”. so there are worse people out thete
niw cooking fee-vah on the other hand I do get . Very often
Darkchocolate’s last blog post..Boys … boys
Totally stealing that great illustration. Love her expression. Yippee!!
Ellie’s last blog post..Special Edition
I’m called the Ron 1000 on cleaning day. The little woman says, “Gosh, you sure do know how to do them floors.” I say, “Thank you honey, it was my pleasure.” (But, I’m thinking major league BJ for my troubles).
Audubon Ron’s last blog post..Martin Luther King Day
HA! THat mood strikes me a few times a year and I fight it every time!
perpstu’s last blog post..A day off!
Duuude, come and clean my house. I’ll entertain you.
Nan’s last blog post..Zoiks….
You MOPPED??!!!
Jayne’s last blog post..No Funky Frills Trivial History Friday January 23
My BIL was here last week and wrote “clean me” in the dust on the flat surfaces (and some of the vertical ones to). Fucker. In the time he took to write that shit he could have picked up the duster and *cleaned it himself*.
Did you ever consider that your painful arm (hugs) is a result of cleaning and furniture rearranging? Thats why I don’t do it. Fear of injury. No Workers Comp for the housewife.
I might be getting some of that fee-vah considering I am almost half fucking way through my pregnancy and we don;t have a damn space in the house for a crib or any baby shit for that matter… Man I am screwed and need to get busy.
Talina’s last blog post..Blog for Choice Day, 2009
First, I must assume that the temperature is no longer putting you at the point of meltdown extinction….thank goodness for small favors
and
can i haz me sum of that wazoo energy you gots?
hotmamamia’s last blog post..I’m playing… letter game
oh, and
WOOT, WOOT
I am moving up your biatches list….finally!
hotmamamia’s last blog post..I’m playing… letter game
You know I think in the 50′s it was easier to get the doctors to prescribe speed.
xoxo, Sg
ShallowGal’s last blog post..ShallowGal speculates on Season 5 of LOST
I actually do this whole thing a lot. I wish I could keep it up. And I also cleaned out my wardrobe this week. My one third of the closet, anyway. Yes, my husband has 2/3 of the closet…I KNOW!
It definitely was easier to get Valium in the 50s. I’m pretty sure everyone in my family was on it.
Kylie’s last blog post..And He Actually Hasn’t Spent That Much Time In Prison
You menu planned???? That IS good!!! Did you use pre-printed menu planners from Smiggle? (I heart those soo much!)
jamstylish.com’s last blog post..ARE YOU READY FOR AUSTRALIA DAY?
How do I catch the fee-vah? My house is a tip A tip! I started the other day then slumped to thefloor so parts of it are now in that evenmore hectic, midway organised stage, looking worse than when I started. There’s a room full of a mountain of toys I can’t actually get all the way across. And the kids can’t get to them to play with them. I’m having to wait til they’ve grown out of them and I can throw them out. Arg!
How do I catch the fee-vah? My house is a tip A tip! I started the other day then slumped to the floor so parts of it are now in that evenmore hectic, midway organised stage, looking worse than when I started. There’s a room full of a mountain of toys I can’t actually get all the way across. And the kids can’t get to them to play with them. I’m having to wait til they’ve grown out of them and I can throw them out. Arg!
Jo’s last blog post..floatyfloaty