I just did something I should never have done.
I know better. But I couldn’t help myself.
I just returned home from work and checked the temperature outside.
We just hit 41C.
Now I am hotter than what I was before. I think my core temperature just raised 10 degrees just knowing that it is hotter than being forced to watch Wiggles on loop all day (AKA my own brand of Hell).
I spent the day at work dealing with fuckknuckles exclaiming ‘hot enough for ya?’ and ‘it is not so much the heat it is the humidity’ and other arseholery statements that just served to make my blood boil hotter and rivets of ‘glisten’ to pass between my breasts.
Glisteny breasticles make me rather cranky.
And apparently the airconditioning at work was undergoing maintenance. When maintenance means some dick forgot to order some damn part and that is the part that makes all the whirly things go whirly and make the air go cold.
But the worst part was the hot weather fashions. Fuck me dead, if it wasn’t so damn hot I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight from the visions of those ‘fashions’. So now I will lay awake in the sweltering heat with the image of humongous sweaty women in tank tops that are two sizes too small, wet patches down the front and under their so-long-they-could-do-a-french-braid armpit hair.
They are all ‘the heat doesn’t bother me’ and I am all ‘maybe it would bother you if you wore some damn clothes woman! MY EYES MY EYES!’ but I totally said that in my head cause I don’t want to be done for harassment even though my senses are being raped by their lack of clothing and deodorant.
I called MOTY, who was babysitting Boo, around 10am to make sure she had turned on the airconditioning. She confirmed that yes she had and was it hot enough for me.
So I did what I do, dealt with some crap, pretended that some of it didn’t exist, sat with a guy from another department trying to pull information out of him while he giggled and blushed like a school girl (apparently girls don’t talk to him much) and then researched that shit anyway cause ‘I dunno’ and ‘do what you think’ doesn’t actually work in the real world buddy, then packed up to go home cause MOTY was all freaky freaky that the wind was picking up and wind + extreme heat = bushfires.
Meh. Any excuse to escape my chillen.
I came home via the bottle shop supermarket, loading up on these:
to the darkened house that was a damn sight cooler than the car that was set to grill to crispy perfection.
After MOTY went home I was thinking ‘day-um it is hot as a bitch in here’ which prevoked the checking of the temperature and the subsequent head slapping for being so damn stupid. Then I thought to myself ‘oh Awesome One, perhaps you should go and check the airconditioner?’
And it was on fan. Just moving around the hot air.
And my head exploded, the contents of which are now baking on my ceiling.
If you want me I will be sitting on the airconditioner.
Or as a guy I know calls it ‘The Wife Preserver’.