We have a few traditions in the Magneto Bold household.
Besides me losing my shit for the weeks leading up to it and consuming copious amounts of alcohol which may or may not have resulted in me conspiring with another equally ‘merry’ co worker to put prawn shells in the managers desk at the office Christmas party…
We have the usual parties to go to, get togethers with people we only see at Christmas time
thank Fucking Sweet Jesus and the eleventy hundred people to run into at the supermarket causing a ‘quick trip’ to take hours with all the niceties, air kisses and fuck me, you have gotten fat promises of ‘we must get together sometime!’ stuff. But Christmas Eve is all about my little family – me in all my fabulousness, MPS, the Damn Emos and the Tiny Terrorist.
Every year we have given the kids their present from us on Christmas Eve. The best present. The awesomest present. The present that kicks all the other presents butts and then kicks sand in their faces. And then spits like a footballer on their beaten carcasses.
This year it was Guitar Hero World Tour. And it did more than kick arse. It sent all the other presents running for their mummy and their mummies to write letters saying how unfair it is for some other present to be treated better than their precious present. And we were all ‘suck on that! Cause we are totally rocking this biatches’
and we totally did. Pic taken by Boo, just before he rocked out on the drums.
Another sign of Christmas in Chez Magnetobold is the cherries. The sweet sweet cherries. The kilos of cherries. OMFG I love the cherries. I bet you are wondering if I can do that thing like that chick in Twin Peaks with the cherry stalk. Well that is for MPS to know and you probably guess that I can’t cause who DOES THAT SHIT ANYWAY?
On a related note: MOTY gave Too cherry chapstick for Christmas.
Ooooooh Eton Mess. Macerated strawberries, whipped cream and meringue all slopped together and eaten as a main course on Christmas Eve. Awesome wrapped in fabulous with a big red bow. Seriously, if I could shoot glitter out my arse in honour of how fucking awesome that shit is I would.
Speaking of shooting glitter out my arse, on top of that house is a reindeer shooting fireworks out his poop chute. Boo nearly took off with all the flapping rapture.
On a serious note, we used to go and see the lights around town (and surrounding towns) every Christmas Eve, but haven’t been able to for the last few years because of Boo’s terror of the dark. This year he walked in while we were gorging on Eton Mess and said ‘I don’t need to see your stinking lightshow! I am going to bed!’ and we were all ‘Meh, whatever, OMG Hi-5 is on! And Humphrey!’
I then offhandedly said to Boo ‘You want to go and see all the lights? They will be pretty!’ and he was all ‘OK’ and we flew out the house in our PJ’s before he changed his mind. Which was probably not a good idea seeing every fucking person in town was at the same houses we were and were all ‘Hi Kelley!’ and I was all ‘fuck fuck fuck, I am wearing my PJ’s and my hair is all curly and crap and I am wearing THONGS for fucks sake’ and then we ran into my ex ex ex best friend (may she fucking rot in hell the fucking backstabbing gossiping that I caused Boo’s Autism and am neglecting my kids whore) and Moo was all ‘she looks so OLD! You look waaaaaay younger than her’ and totally made my year.
But I still hope that she gets syphilis on her wrinkly face or something. If that is at all possible.
Anyway. We got to see the lights. And it was magical. And Boo was mesmerised. And we got to walk around like a normal family.
And I totally got something in my eye…
this one melts my cold dark heart, Moo showing Boo the Christmas windows. This house had a display in every window.
Boo was all ‘Um, we need to go home’ and started getting that look, so we came home, chucked some carrots out for the reindeer, set up Santa’s snack and then drank the fucking AWESOME eggnog. The front left one is mine. It was as big as the rear right after I added a little extra ingredient. Ho ho whoa! Did I stumble a bit? Ooopsies…
Snack for Santa. Unadulterated eggnog (because he is driving of course!), homemade butter cookies and lurking Ninja.
As you do…
The photo of the tree is a tad blurry. Shut up. Santa was a little tired
what with all the bitching and baking and wishing really really hard for someone to get a syphilitic face from sitting on his fat arse in a sleigh and making all the reindeer do all the work and get fucking carrots while he nomms on the good shit.
Notice it is all colour co-ordinated and the freaking adorable gift tags. Shit that Santa is one classy um, Santa.
And yeah, the tree is totally dead. Pretend not to notice, K?
Seems Santa left a little of himself behind on the mug. We could totally take that for DNA analysis and then make a clone or voodoo doll or something out of it. I vote voodoo doll. That way I can get the fucker back for all the sucky fucking presents over the years.
Not looking at you at all MPS. It was Santa’s fault, right?
Christmas morning aftermath.
After my darling children opened all their presents and were climbing the walls from the contact high from all the plastic packaging, oh and Boo eating the foam, I snapped this shot of MPS playing with Wall.E and the infamous ‘if I don’t get a remote control car and Power Ranger DVD’s I am going on a mass rampage and then setting myself alight’ letter to Santa*’ radio controlled car.
And fucking kamikaze Christmas Beetles. Stupid beetles.
Then we all did our own thing for a while before going to my parents McMansion for a little peasants Christmas dinner. Cause all the good shit was brought out for the Golden Child’s Christmas.
Good thing I baked and cooked like a MoFo to ensure that her fucking white trash friends had something to eat.
Meh. I got nicely toasted and fucking ROCKED the Mario Kart before falling asleep on the couch.
Then we came home and sat with a shit load of chocolate and cherries and watched the Dark Knight as a family.
*Yes, I do see the correlation between Boo’s letter and the dude that went apeshit in the US. Difference being Boo is fucking hilariously awesome and that fucker was a douche bag.Magnetoboldtoo is sponsored by: