This has been a difficult year.
Christmas has been no different.
I could dwell on the negative. What I am missing.
My grandparents, the first Christmas without them.
Rudi still in ICU. MPS is leaving to see him tomorrow. For 4 days. Using the last of our savings, the money that was earmarked for
shoes and chocolate bills and school supplies. And incidentals like, I dunno, food…
Apparently his wife (WIFE? WTF? WIFE? He has a wife?) is not too pleased about MPS coming. Old wounds are being opened and generously salted.
Minor irritations like internet shaping again, Boo coming down from a shit load of shitty food given to him out of ‘kindness’ meaning constant meltdowns and precious little sleep, unexpected bills, my mother inviting complete strangers to
ruin join us for Christmas dinner, the whole Golden Child worshipping…
And that is just in the last few days.
But I am trying to see the light in the season.
The wonder and goodness in the world.
I just can’t find it at the moment.
I am all Bah fucking Humbug.
So right now, I am going to lick my wounds, eat the chocolate that melted into a now solidified lump, hide the bills in the cupboard and not answer the phone, and compile my Christmas round up post.
And see the beauty in the season. The light in the eyes of my babies as they opened their gifts from ‘Santa’. The fact that I got to spend the day with my family, albeit with white trash interlopers, eating turkey with my secret stuffing.
Gaze lovingly at my present from the Golden Child…
I am going to look at the photos from the day and suck it up.
And count down the days till this rat fuck sonofabitch year is over.