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That was close. But I will have the fire extinguisher handy Christmas morning just in case.

by Kelley

in Christmas, cracking my shit up

The kids wrote their letters to Santa last night.

Moo, Too, Boo and the ring-in Ranga (Moo’s BFF who practically lives here, she has chores and everything).  Two 17 year olds, a 15 year old and a boy with Autism sitting on the floor under the Pokemon Tree writing their wishes.

pokemon-tree.jpg   pokemontree2.jpg

I was hiding working hard in the kitchen, eavesdropping overhearing the conversation.

There were the usual ‘a bajillion dollars’ ‘a planet full of unicorns’ ‘severed heads’ ‘Edward’ and  ’72 virgins’.  The dreams of Damn Emos.  I have no idea where they get their weirdness from.

Must have been the Tofu and liver I fed them as babies.  Cause damn that was entertaining watching them nom on that shit.

They were cracking themselves up with their Emo wit, and I was all ‘potatoes and coal for you biatches’.

While all the hilarity ensued, Boo was quietly writing his requests to Santa.  There was dead silence while the Damn Emo’s read his list.

Apparently, if he doesn’t get everything he desires everyone will die and he will set himself on fire.

santaletter.jpg

Click to enlarge…

How is that for pressure?

Thankfully I was able to backhand an old lady with a cane and stomp on a little kids face to snatch the last one acquire the radio controlled car he requested.  The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers (the MMPR in the letter) DVD’s are proving to be a little more elusive.  Apparently Boo missed the craze by, oh, about SEVEN YEARS.

But I will prevail.  I will summon all of my awesome fabulousing powers to prevent my boy from setting himself alight.

Cause dammit, the only thing that will be burning on Christmas Day is the poor turkey my mother will mutilate.

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{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }

1 spotrick December 11, 2008 at 10:04 pm

Woah! Good luck with that. Google says there’s MMPR DVD sets available — in German. Shame they’re not in Hebrew. 😉

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2 Vic December 11, 2008 at 10:08 pm

I would happily hvae ‘Edward’ for Christmas, and birthdays, and every day inbetween!

If you still have a VHS (yeah, an antique, I know) you could get this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mighty-Morphn-Power-Rangers-Dumpster/dp/B00004R6NH/ref=sr_1_13?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1228995950&sr=1-13

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3 Mistress B December 11, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Well that’s an interesting letter. I bet Santa doesn’t get one of those every day 😉

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4 Lilacspecs December 11, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Now that’s the spirit of Christmas alright!

Be happy you aren’t Jewish or Boo would have a lot easier time accessing flames during the holiday season.

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5 Marylin December 11, 2008 at 11:06 pm

Phew, what a letter! 😀

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6 ShallowGal December 11, 2008 at 11:32 pm

From what I’ve heard, Santa LOVES blackmail.

xoxo, SG

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7 Ali December 11, 2008 at 11:54 pm

Heh, that was an awesome letter. My kids are being really boring this year. Trade??

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8 Robin December 12, 2008 at 12:23 am

Maybe you could find them online to download? I hear Santa’s an ace media pirate ;-).

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9 Rachel December 12, 2008 at 12:56 am

Awwww…. So sweet! Nothing like seeing the magic of Christmas through the eyes of a child. 🙂

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10 Deb December 12, 2008 at 1:00 am

My favorite part is the bottom “In closing, I’ll stop.” Finito. I have some letters to write to insurance companies. Let me know what his cost per hour is and I’ll contract with Boo. I think he would be more effective that I have been.

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11 Ellie December 12, 2008 at 1:04 am

But wait! “In closing, I’ll stop” what??? Leaving me hanging here.

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12 the planet of janet December 12, 2008 at 1:07 am

at least he isn’t intense or anything…

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13 perpstu December 12, 2008 at 1:31 am

LOL! At least he knows what he wants. I have a five year old whose list changes every.single.day. Grrr!!!

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14 Mrs. Schmitty December 12, 2008 at 1:33 am

Wow! He knows what he wants, huh? Keep that extinguisher on a belt…just in case!

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15 Stimey December 12, 2008 at 2:20 am

Okay, first of all, kudos to you for getting extra children to do chores for you. That thought had never occurred to me, and I am filing it away for further use.

Second of all, that Boo. Without question that is the best letter to Santa I have ever read.

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16 foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) December 12, 2008 at 2:23 am

That is insanely awesome, and yet, there’s a part of me that’s glad I don’t have that kind of pressure looming on me as I try to hunt down a WWE wrestling ring for my oldest, who only has that on his list!

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17 lceel December 12, 2008 at 2:40 am

I’m surprised there was a “P.S. I wanna flame thrower, too.”

Me? My list is short. I want the DVD of the uncut version of “Debbie Does Dallas”. Just because.

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18 O'Neal December 12, 2008 at 3:07 am

Almost as provocative as the little boy Billy signing, “PS. I got your Mama and if you ever wanna see her again…” I opted out of the wish list this year after last year’s marathon getting every single thing on Blue’s list and upon opening all the gifts, he STILL cried because his Dad got an iPod and he didn’t. It wasn’t on the list you ungrateful little turd!

***Don’t forget to leave a comment over at my place by this Saturday to enter for the chance to win some really awesome shiny stuff! If anything, it’s for my homies, they are the most creative crafting artists I know! Who doesn’t like jewelry or a FREE blog makeover???***

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19 O'Neal December 12, 2008 at 3:09 am

PS – LOVE the new holiday header!!!

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20 Burgh Baby December 12, 2008 at 3:14 am

You know, I’m starting to think y’all are a wee bit crazy. I think I like it.

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21 kd@abitsquirrelly December 12, 2008 at 3:50 am

Dude…I would NEVER want to be on his bad side.

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22 Tammy December 12, 2008 at 3:52 am

I will spontaneously combust if I don’t get what’s on my list. There will be nothing left but little green globules.

And your damn emos are gonna have to fight my damn emos for Edward (actually, the little one wants Jasper. She probably would’ve liked Ringo best, too. Less competition).

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23 Xbox4NappyRash December 12, 2008 at 5:08 am

Please let me know if his threat works.

I’m going to use it one the fucker next year to get what I want.

Hilarious.

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24 Jeanette December 12, 2008 at 5:33 am

LOL! Hope you find the DVD.

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25 Kim December 12, 2008 at 6:17 am

I think this is hysterical.. and plan on using it to get my Mac Book.. hehehehe And I have a billion of the Power Rangers DVD’s I could burn you a few.. I ship to the land down under.. 🙂

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26 Tara R. December 12, 2008 at 6:28 am

Good luck finding the DVD, you really don’t need a flaming teen on Christmas morning. Definitely a hazard around cut trees.

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27 Whit December 12, 2008 at 7:07 am

Hardcore.

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28 Marita December 12, 2008 at 7:11 am

My girls have not done letters to Santa yet. After reading here I think we might give them a miss this year.

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29 Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] December 12, 2008 at 7:16 am

Are you getting him matches?

Did I just cross the line?

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30 Anglophile Football Fanatic December 12, 2008 at 7:48 am

I’m really thinking St Nick, as a saint & all, really would object to lighting a child ablaze – even if it is a request. I heartily approve of the Edward desire, though. Have you tried Ebay?

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31 anja December 12, 2008 at 8:15 am

*snigger* Now that’s an imagination and a half. Adorable child, simply adorable.

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32 Jayne December 12, 2008 at 9:51 am

Have you tried Big W ? They’ve got the movie and a few of the series on DVD HERE

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33 sorrow December 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm

” I have no idea where they get their weirdness from.”

me neither….

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34 Katie December 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm

LOL Pressure much! 😛

Good luck with the DVD’s – try KMart, Big W or Ebay if all else fails.

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35 HO December 12, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Oh my GAWD that is so awesome. He MUST deliver, no? I mean the pressure and all…

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36 derfina December 12, 2008 at 1:59 pm

Ha! At least he wants tangible things!

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37 hotmamamia December 12, 2008 at 2:16 pm

Ah…Christmas by childlight…erm, I mean candlelight…it’s gotta be the TV influence…I mean…set oneself aflame for the glory of MMPR…Oy, Boo…there are better ways….have him watch The Marathon Man…is it safe yet???? Bwahahahhahahahaha…..

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38 Widdle Shamrock December 12, 2008 at 2:20 pm

You and the Emos dress up as Power Rangers and get the Hubby to video you doing cool shit.

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39 Amanda December 12, 2008 at 3:10 pm

Well, there’s a boy who knows what he wants.

Perhaps he’d also like an asbestos-like (but not asbestos) pair of pjs?

…and in the words of Boo:

“In closing, I’ll stop”

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40 Karen December 12, 2008 at 5:05 pm

At least he didn’t ask for a long list of stuff.

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41 river December 12, 2008 at 5:37 pm

Get yourself over to ebay and amazon toot sweet baby. Find that MMPR dvd. Pay the bajillion dollars demanded. Anything to stop the burning……

Seriously, I hope you find one.

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42 Lisa December 12, 2008 at 6:07 pm

Get you arse on to ezydvd.com.au they should have heaps!!

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43 Kylie December 12, 2008 at 6:26 pm

Is it wrong that that is THE funniest thing I have read all week? And it’s a kid’s Christmas letter?

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44 magpie December 13, 2008 at 1:37 am

But if you’re dead, how will you burn him? There’s a logical fallacy in there.

Hope you find the DVDs.

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45 Will Flavell December 13, 2008 at 2:05 am

Great Post Kelly,

I thought that was a pretty cute Christmas letter. I hope you have a great Christmas.

I wanted to drop you a comment because I am trying to raise money for the Autism Action Partnership this Christmas. We are selling a Velvet Suit Santa Figurine and a sterling silver Four-Heart Pendant. They really are beautiful pieces and each sale benefits the Autism Action Partnership. I was thinking that you might know some moms who would be interested in these gifts/contributions. You can buy the gifts online at

Pendant: http://shop.borsheims.com/Borsheims/ProductDetail.aspx?ProductID=4SVRD0307

Santa:

http://shop.borsheims.com/Borsheims/ProductDetail.aspx?ProductID=6XZZZ0756

Merry Christmas and keep up the good posts,

Will

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46 Jim December 13, 2008 at 7:15 am

That is too damn funny. The matches are all squirreled away, right?

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47 gwendomama December 13, 2008 at 8:04 am

EVERYONE wants to help boo….

http://www.amazon.com/Mighty-Morphin-Power-Rangers-Movie/dp/B000059HAJ

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48 Colin Campbell December 28, 2008 at 12:31 am

A little late but we have some Power Ranger Dolls. You could mock something up on your phone and post it to youtube. Merry Christmas. Immensely entertaining. We kept a book for years of funny things that our kids said. Hard to believe going back.

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49 Josefa @always Josefa December 10, 2012 at 3:43 pm

this is brilliant

i am going to use the same threat when i write my birthday wish list

that might get everyone’s attention 😉

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{ 2 trackbacks }

  • Annoying Christmas.
  • Boo did his letter to Santa and it is the most hilariously random list I have ever read ever. And that includes the time he threatened to set himself on fire if he didn’t get what he wanted. True story.

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